I went on another first-date last Thursday. Yep - that made two dates in less than 48 hours. I put off writing about #27 until now because, well, it just wasn't that interesting. Not compared to the one before it.
I met up at Starbucks with a young lady I'd met on eHarmony. I had been on the fence about whether or not I should go through with online conversation and eventually meeting her, after she initiated communication. I wasn't sure I would find her attractive, but she was one of the first to contact me during the last lull in the action. Since I was determined to get things going again, I decided to give it a try.
But alas. Once we met, I really didn't feel much attraction to her. Physically, or otherwise.
Somehow, after I walked into Starbucks and saw her, I felt absolutely no anxiety. No nervousness. Sure, I've felt comfortable before, but this was subtly different. It was as if my "edge" were gone. I felt so completely calm that it seemed as if I had to force myself to keep the conversation going while we waited in line, because the silence, for some reason, didn't bother me in even the slightest way.
The best guess is that this state of being was caused by my lack of interest in the particular date, and in the outcome. But the surprising point is that it wasn't helpful to be in this state. My comfortableness was trumped by the fact that I was engaged in social interaction with so little emotion. I went through the usual, even getting into a bit of playful teasing, but it was different. Despite making a conscious effort, I wasn't as motivated, and it wasn't as good. I'd felt a real connection with my last date, and yet none in this instance.
So that was that.
In the hour before that date, I'd called my date from Tuesday to ask her out for Sunday. I'm generally anxious in the moments leading up to any phone call I have to initiate, but it always dissipates once I hear the voice on the other line. That was the case again here, but I was a little awkward. She asked how my day was, and I tried to say something I'd had in mind to say in response. "It was good....Thursday is a good day for me.... we have a company lunch every Thursday." It came out sounding every bit as uninteresting and awkward as that text. I think that I need to
A) always have something interesting in mind to say for general questions like that, plus some other comments to start conversation instead of always just asking questions, and
B) learn to express myself better, since that comment would have made sense if I had elaborated. Something like:
"It was good! Thursdays are good days for me. The company springs for lunch for everyone, and I can start seeing that light at the end of the tunnel for the weekend!"
I can deal with the part about overcoming inhibition, but I still have to work on figuring out how to be expressive - it's something I missed out on growing up as a shy person. And it's a stagnant area that I haven't specifically worked on yet in my mission. I have a plan to learn to tell stories by taking baby steps, but I'll write more about that after I actually make myself do it.
(If you're wondering: she already had plans for Sunday.)
I met up at Starbucks with a young lady I'd met on eHarmony. I had been on the fence about whether or not I should go through with online conversation and eventually meeting her, after she initiated communication. I wasn't sure I would find her attractive, but she was one of the first to contact me during the last lull in the action. Since I was determined to get things going again, I decided to give it a try.
But alas. Once we met, I really didn't feel much attraction to her. Physically, or otherwise.
Somehow, after I walked into Starbucks and saw her, I felt absolutely no anxiety. No nervousness. Sure, I've felt comfortable before, but this was subtly different. It was as if my "edge" were gone. I felt so completely calm that it seemed as if I had to force myself to keep the conversation going while we waited in line, because the silence, for some reason, didn't bother me in even the slightest way.
The best guess is that this state of being was caused by my lack of interest in the particular date, and in the outcome. But the surprising point is that it wasn't helpful to be in this state. My comfortableness was trumped by the fact that I was engaged in social interaction with so little emotion. I went through the usual, even getting into a bit of playful teasing, but it was different. Despite making a conscious effort, I wasn't as motivated, and it wasn't as good. I'd felt a real connection with my last date, and yet none in this instance.
So that was that.
In the hour before that date, I'd called my date from Tuesday to ask her out for Sunday. I'm generally anxious in the moments leading up to any phone call I have to initiate, but it always dissipates once I hear the voice on the other line. That was the case again here, but I was a little awkward. She asked how my day was, and I tried to say something I'd had in mind to say in response. "It was good....Thursday is a good day for me.... we have a company lunch every Thursday." It came out sounding every bit as uninteresting and awkward as that text. I think that I need to
A) always have something interesting in mind to say for general questions like that, plus some other comments to start conversation instead of always just asking questions, and
B) learn to express myself better, since that comment would have made sense if I had elaborated. Something like:
"It was good! Thursdays are good days for me. The company springs for lunch for everyone, and I can start seeing that light at the end of the tunnel for the weekend!"
I can deal with the part about overcoming inhibition, but I still have to work on figuring out how to be expressive - it's something I missed out on growing up as a shy person. And it's a stagnant area that I haven't specifically worked on yet in my mission. I have a plan to learn to tell stories by taking baby steps, but I'll write more about that after I actually make myself do it.
(If you're wondering: she already had plans for Sunday.)
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