50 First Dates: Date #20

Well, back when I talked about being "on the brink," there were several girls I was communicating with. There was one in particular that I'd had really good conversation with over e-mail, so I decided to go through with meeting her tonight, even though things have obviously started to develop with another girl.

We met up at Starbucks (as usual). I didn't feel anxious with her, and was pretty comfortable. My voice didn't sound boomingly confident, but it was pretty good. I used a handful of conversation topics I had in mind, but they were mostly based on specific things we'd talked about over e-mail, rather than the topics on the list. Nope, didn't really need anything specific from the list....it was a pretty normal conversation.

I'm nearly certain that the girl really liked me. I could sort of see a twinkle in her eyes. When we left (after 1 hour - the Starbucks closed up), she kept talking for a while (outside in the cold), and said "it was fun." We hugged, and that was it.

This is an intentionally short post. I've written so many entries about these first-dates, it's kind of unreal. In this case, to my surprise, I didn't find myself interested enough in the girl to want a second date with her.

I believe that will be my last Starbucks date for a while. For the time being, I've lost interest in going on blind dates with girls from online dating sites. These things have been my lifeblood in gaining social experience since I started the blog in August - it's been one heck of a ride, but now I think maybe it has come to an end. I may never do it again.

I have to make progress. If I want to go on dates with any new girls in the future, I think I will just have to force myself to find and meet them in person. That would be new, and it would show definite, absolute progress, since when I started out, that seemed impossible. And it would make for some more interesting blog entries.

But for now, I am still seeing the last girl I talked about. I called her tonight, and really enjoyed talking to her for the five minutes she was on the line. This time, instead of asking for a specific date, I asked if she wanted to get together sometime this weekend. She said yes, and we told each other our schedules. We have a tentative time picked out, and yet there was no mention of a specific activity. Cool! That's new to me, so it should be fun.

The Greatest Night of My Life

This was it.

Okay - that's an inside joke for anyone who remembers the first best night of my life, which was September 22, 2007's Date #6. But tonight, Date #19 was even better.

It was my third third-date, with the girl I met over a month ago from eHarmony. Yep - the one who disappeared for a week, and prompted one rather confused blog entry.

I was very glad that she was back in communication. I spent a couple of nights trying to think of a good third date - perhaps something that could top our laser tag second-date. Finally, something came to me. How about one of those interactive murder mystery shows? I had gone with the friend I made from craigslist, and was convinced it was the best activity ever. So I got on the Internet, and was in luck - there was one in her area. It would require me driving my date on the highway (another first), and perhaps in a congested downtown area, but hey - why not throw caution to the wind? It was my chance to exterminate the last remaining bit of my social driving anxiety (SDA?).

I had things planned to a T. Awesome, but I was probably thinking about it a little too much, and felt anxious leading up to the big day. Once everything was perfectly set and I was on my way to pick her up, my nerves diminished. But when I saw her family outside, the anxiety popped back up again. She didn't answer the phone at first, and I had some fleeting thoughts about her breaking the date, or something crazy like that.

I just needed to calm down.

When I finally heard her voice, it was just like before. I felt relaxed. Confident. I don't know what it is about this girl, but she has a calming effect on me.

And exterminate the last bit of SDA, I did. It was so easy! Now I know I can do anything when it comes to driving someone else.

The big question, as always, was the conversation. I went in, as always, with several topics in mind. But before we got going, I thought to myself - you know what? Conversation topic lists can't possibly work longterm. I ran into that problem before. So now I would stop trying to remember the topics, and use them strictly as backup. Hopefully we would naturally have enough to talk about.

And we did. I asked some questions based on the topics I'd had in mind, but mostly just when something triggered one - I didn't strain to think of anything. We made it to our venue with an easy drive, about half an hour. There were only a couple of silences, but they weren't awkward, and one of us (usually me) restarted the conversation before long each time. I was having a great time talking to her.

We arrived at about 6:15, and the show was supposed to start at 6:30. Ahh! 15 more minutes of conversation to fill. How would I manage?

But wait - there's more. There was a misprint on the tickets that said the show started at 7:30, so most of the other audience members hadn't yet arrived. We were informed that they would hold the show. That made it not 15 minutes, but an entire hour that my date and I had nothing to do but talk.

I realized that it was a good thing. I really enjoyed talking to her - the only concern was that there wouldn't be enough to say. But lo and behold! There was. We had a large table entirely to ourselves, and one of the cast members remarked that we had a "romantic table in the corner for two." He recognized the apparently obvious fact that we were a couple, and it felt good.

Alll of the extra time ended up being great, because one topic that came up was one that we could bond on. She was deathly afraid of public speaking. Needless to say, so I am! We talked about it at length, and discovered we'd had some of the same experiences, like avoiding classes requiring presentations like the plague. And thinking about any possible excuse to escape!

And now for the Weird Paragraph of the Post. At some point, I looked at her and realized just how much I liked her. I'm a super germaphobe. But she blew her nose a few times while we were out, and it didn't bother me. I knew I still wanted to kiss her. She was worth the risk of catching the Super Bug that had sent her to the hospital when she'd disappeared between dates.

Eventually, the show started. There were only 8 people in the audience (there'd been 80 the night before, so we were lucky), which meant we got to do a lot more audience participation. The show wasn't as good as the one I went to with with my friend, but my date had never been to a play like this, so it was a new experience for her.

And the date was an experience for me. I finally had this thing down. It was the first time I ever managed to pull out the chair for my date, even though I'd tried a couple times before. It was the first time I ever helped a lady put on her jacket (I've been observing other couples!), and boy did it feel good.

When the show was over, we went to the top floor of the hotel for a brief look at the beautiful view of the city - American landmarks you see on television. Then we headed back to the car. The date had been flawless so far.... it was close to the end, and I don't even have to tell you what I was thinking.

I started to feel a little anxious. But for no other reason than because things had gone really, really well, and I was looking forward to kiss #3 of my lifetime.

When we got in the car, my date stopped and thanked me for taking her out to do something so different. I intentionally avoided producing any kind of "you're welcome" response, and instead agreed that it was different, and mentioned the similar place I'd gone with my friend.

The drive home was all that stood between me and that kiss. Things remained good the whole way back. I came up with a question about something she'd told me earlier, and it sparked a good, actual conversation (both of us contributing something). Just like with the first 2 times out, I'd felt very comfortable with her all night.

Finally, we arrived back at her place. I told her I would walk her up to the house, and I did. We stopped at stairs to the front door, and she once again thanked me profusely. I just said "sure," or something like that - I wasn't paying much attention to it.

I attempted to say "good night" in her native language, a little of which I'd asked her to teach me on the way back. And then, she hugged me. But she didn't just hug me! She (I think) actually tried to kiss me at the same time, but I sort of turned my face inadvertently, and she just got my cheek.

I had held off and waited instead of trying to kiss her after our second date. The reward? A completely natural moment tonight. We liked each other so much! After the hug, we immediately kissed. It felt like we both let it linger, and it was perfect. I then told her to have a good night (this time in English), and that was it.

Immediately afterwards, all of my anxiety disappeared, being replaced only by extreme happiness. I'd wondered first how I would ever get to such a moment in my life, and later, how I would get back here after it didn't work out with the first girl I dated multiple times. But things are much different than they were with that first girl. With her, I was absolutely amazed that I even made it as far as I did, because I was never really even all that close to being myself with her. This time around, I feel unusually relaxed and confident with the girl, and she seems to like me at least just as much as I like her.

Things are really, really good right now. A high water mark for the mission.

I Officially Have a Social Life: First Party

Well, tonight I have some good news on the Platonic Front of this war against shyness.

(Timeout: War against Shyness? I really like that phrase. It makes me feel motivated to pump it up even further and fight all-out against this thing. I guess it's the male war-monger mentality.)

I'm 24 years old. Yesterday, I attended the very first party of my entire life. This isn't really an exaggeration. I've been to family birthday parties, of course. And I've been to open-to-everyone school parties. But this was absolutely the very first time I ever attended a private party - the type that requires an invitation.

The first friend I made on craigslist invited me to her cousin's game party. I knew it would be well outside of my comfort zone, but I didn't even debate going, because I didn't have a choice. That's right - I don't give myself a choice when it comes to these things. If a social opportunity presents itself, I take it, because I have to.

And so I was feeling pretty anxious in the hours leading up to the party. When I asked what time to come, my friend texted me back saying that I didn't have to come because she had a feeling it would be mostly females. Yep - she was giving me a way out. But I wouldn't consider backing out. I couldn't.

I arrived close to 7:00. I wanted to be there from the beginning, because I figured I'd be more comfortable if I could get to know a few new people before it got crowded (there were about 17 people who RSVP'd online).

There were 5 other people there when I arrived, and they all greeted me very warmly. What a great group of girls! Everyone was very nice, all night. We exchanged greetings, but I didn't have to worry about making conversation for long, because they asked me to play the first game a few minutes later.

I figured I could handle this, since an activity (in this case, board games) greatly eases the strain in coming up with things to say. I wasn't feeling much anxiety now, and figured I'd make a few jokes (which isn't as difficult as it sounds). We were playing a word game, and I came up with a few bogus words. "Sho" being one of them. I told them it was a legit word - you know, like "fo' sho!" You probably had to be there, but it was brought up and got laughs even hours later.

I felt a bit anxious at first when more people started to arrive. I was kind of hoping that not many more people would come, since I had already gotten comfortable. But they kept coming (the final count: about 13 girls and 3 guys, including me), and everyone was extremely nice, so I remained comfortable. I even stood at the front of the room - the center of attention - to give clues for Taboo, and I wasn't really inhibited doing that.

I didn't really do a lot of talking during the party. I still find group situations to be the hardest - it's tough for me to find my way into a conversation with several other people, but I tried and succeeded a few brief times. After people started to leave, I was able to have a good, short 1-on-1 conversation with my friend's cousin. It was just like the 1-on-1 conversation I've done on the many dates I've blogged about. I eventually got involved in talking at some length with 3 girls at a time, not doing anything much different.

I was there from 7PM to 1AM. It was a lot of fun! An amazing amount of progress from where I started. And just think - if I hadn't been so determined to embark on this mission, and even if I hadn't been so determined to work the law of averages, responding to dozens of craigslist ads.....if not for all of that, I never would have met any of these great people. A couple of times I wondered why my friend from craigslist (thankfully, no one ever asked how we met) ever wanted to hang out with me, since she had all these other great people in her life already. It was amazing.

Resurrection: The Best Day of The Mission

Things were looking down. I'd been sure that I was on the brink of a major breakthrough, and then BAM! Things had started to go wrong. Through this afternoon, I was thinking that I just needed to make it through the next few weeks, maybe take a hiatus from the mission activities, and regroup. It would take a long time, but I could get back to that brink I was so excited about reaching.

But I decided not to let it come to that just yet. Why should I take a hiatus? I had nothing to lose. Nothing to lose at all, with everything to gain.

First, I texted the girl from craig's list that I talked to on the phone 2 days ago. I asked if she wanted to meet up. She did. It would be interesting, because for whatever reason, I was comfortable (and myself) talking to her. I had also seen what she looked like the night before, since we added each other as friends on facebook. The only thing left to do was see the face and hear the voice at the same time - in person. So I suggested pool, then bowling. When she called to give me her address, she first made me promise to not be a psycho. I was even more comfortable talking to her this time than before, and made some jokes about it (effortlessly). We had only talked on the telephone, and yet I was going to pick her up instead of meeting her somewhere. This was a first, so I figured it would be interesting.

But more on that soon. Before meeting my new friend (!!!), I decided to send that e-mail I mentioned before to the girl I'd seemingly had two successful dates with, but who had disappeared on me.

In the e-mail, I briefly asked how she was doing, and said I thought maybe I should check to make sure everything was alright with her since I mysteriously never heard back from her the last week. I had already decided that the only way I would pursue her again (if she actually responded) would be if the reason for her disappearance was that she was in the hospital, or something crazy like that.

Lo and behold! Within an hour, she actually responded to the e-mail. She said she was sorry she hadn't replied, but she had gotten real sick and had a hospital visit for some shots and IV.

Wow. Well, it didn't make any sense that she would have suddenly lost interest the way it appeared (it made so little sense that I had been wondering if she'd found this crazy blog of mine!), and apparently she didn't. I don't take for granted that she is actually going to go out with me again, but hey - it looks pretty darn good again. Considering that I originally thought I would never contact her again, this could be an amazing development if our relationship gets going again.

Funny thing - something extremely similar happened after my first second-date. In both cases, I was 99% sure the girl was done with me, but things turned out to be in the other 1% (well, this time, we at least hope the hospital story is legit). This time, I started to question everything. It all seemed so perfect - what could I have done wrong? I even started thinking that maybe she'd lost interest because I didn't kiss her. So, I owe an apology to hanging out the wash. Her advice about not making such a big deal out of the kissing was probably right indeed. In fact, I think she's been right about everything so far :-)

Now, back to today's event. I headed out to meet and pick up my new friend (!!!). After talking to her on the phone and seeing her on facebook, I felt very near 100% sure that this would go well.

And it did. I picked her up, and we went to a bowling alley. She said the place was shady, so she directed me to a pool hall she knew downtown. And it was no problem - I never felt any anxiety with her. None at all! We played pool, ate, and talked.

And talked. And talked. It was absolutely nothing like the conversation on the dates I'm always blogging about. Nope. I wasn't trying to think of conversation topics. I wasn't trying out new conversation techniques, or old ones, for that matter. There were no silences to label with "awkward" or not. It wasn't her doing 85% of the talking, and it wasn't me mostly just asking questions. Nope. It was absolutely nothing like those dates.

What then, was it like? It was just like the way it is with the first friend I made along the way here. It saves me a heck of a lot of writing to describe it, because it suffices to say that I was completely myself. It was interesting to actually see what I'm like socially: I tend to forget, since being 100% comfortable is such a rare thing for me. We argued about a bunch of stuff - all in fun, of course! Not the slightest shred of inhibition on either side (for perspective: we were both a little wild. Me just as much as her, even though she drank 3 gin and tonics, while I only had 2 Sprites).

That's pretty much it. Some side notes: I met this girl on craig's list. You might think there is something weird going on with most of the people who post ads on craig's list, and hey - you might be right. But I've responded to maybe 100 of those things, and now have made 2 friends (!!!) from there. Two great girls without issues. In fact....this girl is so cool! She offered to invite me to some sorority parties, and to a strip club in a couple weeks when she goes with her friends. She has a lot of friends (462 on facebook), some of whom were calling her while we were hanging out. So many friends that it makes me wonder why she wanted to meet someone new from craig's list. Did she have something in mind that wasn't really strictly platonic? Nope. We had a rather lengthy discussion about the girls and types of girls I'm attracted to, and the guys and type of guys she's attracted to. I was pretty sure after this that we were just friends. And heck - as it turns out, this girl is very attractive, too!

I think being out with an attractive girl does something for a guy's image. I had two subtle, yet interesting moments with our waitress. Confidently, I looked into her eyes without looking away. She did the same - only she was the one to break the gaze, and she seemed affected. It was a connection of mutual attraction I can't really describe in words. I felt like such a stud - it was incredible. But anyway, back to my new friend: it wouldn't have been the worse thing in the world if she'd had the hots for me - but I'm glad we're just friends. My dating relationships, as every reader knows, are extraordinarily transient. Friendships can last a lifetime, and to me are absolutely priceless. I made a new friend today (if you're keeping count, I have a total of 3 now), so it was undoubtedly the best day of the mission so far.

We were together from 6:00PM to 11:40PM. We had never seen each other in person until today, and yet, it was like we'd known each other for years. It's absolutely amazing how all of the work documented in the blog about conversation skills, overcoming inhibition, and everything else is completely unnecessary in the rare cases (twice in six months) that I find someone who naturally makes me feel comfortable.

50 First Dates: Date #18

Well, winners never quit, and quitters never win. So despite the enormous frustration I'm starting to feel after going on seventeen dates and having nothing tangible to show for it (like, say, a girlfriend), I'm keeping at it....

Last night was #18. I'd e-mailed this girl (from match.com) for several weeks, and we seemed to have good conversation through that medium. But would it continue once we saw each other in person, where I didn't have unlimited time to think of things to say?

I was quite anxious as the clock ticked closer to 8:30 - the time at which our relationship would begin at Starbucks. Maybe more than usual, because of the emotions from the last outcome I talked about, and because I was....wearing a little make-up (to make a long story short, don't EVER squeeze a pimple).

As usual, my anxiety diminished almost completely after we'd exchanged the initial greetings. From there, it was a lot more of the same - in a way, the date showed that I really am sharpening the skills I've written about in so many past entries. When I thought of something to say, I just said it, without even giving inhibition the time to get in my way. This was especially helpful this time around, because I had some oddball, hopefully fun topics in mind. For example, after asking my usual question "do you believe in anything supernatural?", I followed it up by asking what she would do if she saw an alien spaceship. It was good- it made her think, and we were able to talk about it for a couple minutes instead of just moving on to the next topic after a brief or binary (yes or no) answer. And I tied it into a news article about UFO sightings. General conversation skill, but I hadn't really tried it before. I even challenged her to a game of rock-paper-scissors, in which she was pretty enthusiastic about partaking.

Unlike many of the girls I've gone out with, this one actually asked a normal amount of reciprocal questions (what the heck is wrong with the others?). And more - she lots of questions about me. Lo and behold! With two people asking each other open-ended questions, it seemed a lot more like we were having a normal, good conversation, instead of like me being an interviewer.

But alas. I wasn't 100% myself here. I was generally tense. The tension seemed to reach my voice, causing it to sound a little weird like I talked about before (the "voice thing" - oh, the pain!). I didn't allow inhibition to stop me from thinking of things to say, but inhibition was still present. I wasn't relaxed enough to laugh loudly or anything you could imagine an uninhibited person doing. This was pretty apparent during rock-paper-scissors - I couldn't have made it a more boring match. With this new opportunity to talk about myself, I made a conscious and consistent effort to elaborate at every turn. I stumbled a bit, but mostly (I believe) because I have such little experience doing so.

Overall, it looks like these dates really are helping me to improve my social skills. I can feel it getting easier, so I will deal with the frustration and keep this as a part of my efforts.

As for the outcome of that date itself: I don't feel good about it. She was nice, and asked lots of questions, but I never got the feeling that she was interested. One thing that still feels weird is the fact that she never hugged me. Almost everyone has hugged me! It's an odd and unpleasant feeling to end a date with no physical contact, other than the (dumb) handshake she offered when we met. The final words were, "I'll talk to you soon?" In my experience with this, it's bad when they pose it in the form of a question. But it's good when they say "soon" instead of "later." This is silly, I know, but at any rate, I feel like chickening out and not calling her for a second-date. She's nice, so I imagine her administering a dreadful friends speech instead of just ignoring me. Yet and still, I don't have ANYTHING to lose other than a little bit of my ego, so maybe I'll do it over e-mail just for the heck of it.

Platonics

My Thursday date was cancelled due to inclement weather. But I do have good news.

No, not the Geico joke.

One of the people (from the craigslist strictly platonic section) I'd talked to over e-mail and once over instant messenger came back to life and dropped me an e-mail. She gave me her phone number, and I gave her a call tonight. We talked for a whopping one-hour and ten minutes. Wow!

To put things into perspective, consider this: Keeping the phone conversation going with the girl from the last post got tough inside of 5 minutes. What on earth is the difference? Probably partly the fact that this new girl is very talkative, and partly the fact that it's a strictly platonic relationship, so there should be no pressure at all. Before long, I got comfortable on the phone with this person to the point that I am with my two friends. Nothing to describe to you here: simply normal! I didn't need much in the way of pre-planned topics, and it was fun. Just imagine if I could converse like this with one of my dates!

That may indeed be a possibility. It's going slowly, but the part of my initial plan about making new friends and branching out (and thereby getting tons more of experience to get up to the "normal" level and beyond) may just be working. I've already made one friend (in six months), and maybe this new girl will be the second. Why not? I'm going to try to meet up with her as soon as time permits.

As a final note, I am aware that I never updated the Master Plan entry. At all! Maybe this weekend.

It's Crying Time Again

Evaporation

In this rollercoaster ride of a mission, it's been more down than up so far. This is one of those "down" times.

I knew not to take anything for granted. But still, with the last girl I wrote about, I'd become extremely hopeful about the possibilities. It was virtually flawless - I was actually comfortable with her. Even when I'd felt a little anxious for hours before calling her, I immediately felt calm when I heard her voice. For whatever reason, she was like an instant shot of confidence for me. And she seemed to have become very relaxed, comfortable, and happy with me, especially compared to on our first date.

I knew that I was on the brink of a breakthrough here. This was better than ever, and I figured it would give me enormous confidence going into the other activities that I never cease.

She seemed so interested, initiating communication via text messages and getting back to me immediately when she missed a call.

What could go wrong?

I don't know what went wrong, but something did. We had a tentative third date set for Sunday (she suggested Saturday, but I already had plans), but then she never got back to me. I sent her a text message 2 days ago - no response.

Now, that's about as much about this as I have to say. The last time I was in a similar situation (September), I wrote a ton of stuff in the blog about it. It was so bad that I won't even hyperlink the posts up again. I just want to put it behind me: I won't let this become a blog about a dopey, mopey guy having trouble with the ladies.

Long story short: Before long, I started to feel pretty down again. I had been on the brink of a major mission breakthrough. And these good romantic things are so few and far between! How it could evaporate so suddenly, I could not understand. Baffling. Mind-boggling to the point where I started to wonder: had she accidentally discovered this crazy blog?! Had her family forbade her to see me? Probably not, but I didn't have any better ideas.

Now, in the September episode of which I will not speak, I learned not to jump to conclusions. So this afternoon I decided to stop thinking about it so much, and figured maybe I will send an e-mail at the end of the week (to ask if she's alright!), and that will probably be the end of this.

Forward, March

I actually already had another first-date lined up for this Wednesday night. And now another one for Thursday night. These blind things from dating sites I'm always writing about.....they're no comparison to a second- or third-date. But they're good practice, and I have to keep moving forward. It seems that I have made a lot of progress up to this point, but.... I'm a little concerned that this latest episode will hurt me in the confidence department. Nonetheless, I'll try to relax, be myself, and give it a shot Wednesday and Thursday at Starbucks.

I noticed today something a bit disturbing. As I mentioned several times before, I'd had this great vision of the social experience of my new job being way more important than the money they pay me. But so far, I've made close to zero progress there. I've just adapted, doing just enough socially (which is very, very little in my line of work) to get by. Basically, no different than the school situation I described over six months ago when I started this quest. Sadly (very sadly), there are some days at work when I can literally count the words I've spoken the entire day. I go out to lunch (alone) 4 days a week because I wouldn't be comfortable eating in the break room with coworkers. This is totally unaccceptable - I don't know what I'm going to do in that area yet, but I promise to turn it around.

Third Second-Date (Date #17)

I felt a surge of happiness a few moments ago. I realized that I'm having the time of my life right now. A sense of fulfillment is slowly but surely starting to replace the longing that I've suffered for so many years.

Wednesday night, I used the phone to arrange a Sunday second-date with the girl I talked about in the last post. Around the same time, I began to feel a cold coming on. Itchy throat, stuffy nose..... noooooo!!!

I hadn't had a real cold in a couple years. I am very careful to avoid these things. And now, one was threatening to ruin my second date with a girl I really liked.

I was hell-bent on doing everything possible to keep this date as scheduled. It'd already been 2 weeks since we first met (I had called and asked for this date 4 days after the first date, but there was a scheduling conflict), and I didn't want to wait any longer.

I immediately started taking Zicam cold remedy. I went crazy with this stuff. I use it all the time, but this time I went extremely overboard. To the point of worrying what an overdose could do to me. It wss a risk I was willing to take.

I also loaded up on Airborne - another cold remedy that some people swear by, but that I had never tried. I again worried about side effects, but I was willing to take the risk. I wanted to be well enough by Sunday to at least have a reasonable chance. Friday was bad; Saturday was horrible. I felt too terrible to go on a date, and I knew I couldn't go if I were sneezing, coughing, or had a runny nose. But I kept pumping myself full of the cold remedies...

Today - the fourth day of the cold - I woke up and felt pretty good. The symptoms were almost gone! The remnants were certainly not enough to prevent me from going on the date. I've digressed, but the moral of the story is that at least one of these products really does a lot to reduce the severity and duration of the common cold. Pretty amazing.

And so, I drove 40 miles, across state lines, to see this girl again. I really liked her, and she had been shy and a little awkward on our first date and once on the phone, so I was interested in seeing what it would be like if she relaxed and opened up a little more.

I had come up with an awesome date idea - laser tag - but it required me to drive about 30 minutes each way with her. That was further than I'd tried before, and I was a little worried about keeping up a conversation for that long. But as always, I decided: no risk, no reward, and stuck to it.

I arrived at her home. With a parental figure watching from the front door, she got in the car. And behold - the smell of perfume once again filled the air of my vehicle. The sweet scent of a girl liking me enough to put forth the effort to impress.

The conversation on the way to Laser Tag was good. As a basis, I used pretty much every remaining conversation topic I could think of. I was mostly just asking questions, as always, but I did manage to add some tidbits. These were bits of humors, related personal experiences, and lots of mental association-based follow-up questions.

We were the only adults at the laser tag place. We played a car racing game while we waited for our match to begin. We were both having a blast - things were going so smoothly!

Laser Tag was awesome. As my white shoestrings glowed neon green, we ran around hunting and being hunted in a dark, smokey maze filled music and lighting effects. It was all kinds of fun. I even broke a sweat.

We played a couple of games, and then I asked her if she wanted to get some food. She said nah, she was good. I found out later that she had planned to go out to dinner with her family, though, so it wasn't a bad sign.

All that remained was to get her home. After all this driving, I'm now completely confident in my ability to drive with a passenger (even a date). I had always been nervous thinking about it before, but it's no big deal - I can drive effortlessly while talking at the same time. That probably should have been obvious, but it's one of those things I just had to experience before I could have any confidence in it.

As for the conversation..... I used everything I could think of that I hadn't covered from the good 'ol list. I felt like some of them would be too random, but before any silences went on too long, I just threw them out there. To my surprise, she did have a tattoo, so that provided us with several minutes of good conversation. I asked what she thought of guys wearing earrings, and all that. In the final stretch, things got tough, so I went with whatever I could think of. "Whatever I could think of," in this case, is just a big word for "talking about the weather."

In way, it was good anyway. We both seemed to enjoy the topic-based conversation, so was there any problem? I began to get a little anxious. Partly because I was simultaneously thinking about giving her a goodnight kiss (against the advice of one or two of my readers, but I couldn't help it). And partly because I started thinking that most of our conversation was based on pre-thought-out topics. What would I do once I reached the end of the list?

We arrived back at her home. This had been a blunder-free date, and I didn't blow it here, either; I remembered to walk her up to her door, even though it was super close.

She hugged me and said something like "Thanks. I had a really nice time. I guess I'll see you the next time...if you're not busy."

I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't have a good physical angle at it. I had fleeting thoughts of blog reader comments about this stuff, and about my other experiences going for a kiss. I decided to follow this advice and wait this time, instead of forcing it. I just told her to have a good night, and she smiled broadly.

This date was good. It was so good, in fact, that I had absolutely no doubt that my companion enjoyed it and really wanted to see me again.

Of course, it always helps if the other person initiates a follow-up. She almost broke her own record for fastest follow-up, and sent me this text less than a couple hours later:

"Hey [Me]. Thank you so much for a good time! I had fun today :)"

And so, it's another success. I'm batting .1000 on 3 second-dates so far. I quite like her, but this time I have a lot of experience behind me, and know not to get caught up in my interest in her (doing that with another girl created for a rather depressing month of September).

My only real concern here is conversation. With my list of conversation topics nearly exhausted, how can I keep having good conversation with her? (I welcome any and all suggestions on this). She was very relaxed and comfortable with me this time (i.e., she had regular dating shyness that first time - nothing like the kind that I'm working on here), but she still didn't ask many reciprocoal questions. Only a handful - can you believe it took until a 2nd date for her to ask what I even do for a living?

The good news is that overall, I was (still) pretty much myself with her. No blasted "voice thing" to speak of. I sounded confident, relaxed, and all that jazz. I was able to tease a little with jokes.
And despite the availability of cell phone text messages and e-mails, I've been steadfast in my determination to only use my voice to make dates, in spite of my awful (but hopefully improving) telephone anxiety.

The singular issue is this: how do I get conversation to be open and fluid with her? I did it with the one friend I've made so far, so it's certainly possible. I will work on this, just in general, before I see her again.

Speaking of working on things....

Over the 4-day holiday break from work, I got on match.com and just went wild. I sent out around 150 winks. Now I have conversations going with 6 or 7 girls. It's crazy - I really don't even have enough time to keep up with all of them. But if you search through the gibberish I wrote when I started the blog, you'll find a lot of talk about my goal of "overbooking" myself with social activities. Now, that's starting to look like a very real possibility - especially if I can get past the first date with a few more girls. I've also been working on making some platonic friends, but it's tough - the 3 I was talking to online dropped out (my term for internet people ceasing to respond to e-mails) on me.

It's going to be a busy year.