New Friend
Okay guys. It's 1:43AM on a Wednesday. I had another activity tonight, and I'm generally exhausted, but it's been far too long since I gave you an update on my mission. So here goes: I will write what I can now, and fix the sleep deprivation typos later.
So there has been a lot going on. Let me first backtrack to Friday.
If you skimmed over my lab notes from last week, you may have noticed that I was planning to go to a movie with one of the two girls I met on the craigslist "strictly platonic" section months ago. And so, Friday was the third time we met up. The first time, I was pretty comfortable - she was actually the first person I met from the Internet when I started all of this. The second time, I was pretty much myself. I'd already cleared the air about it really being "strictly platonic," and she'd come back to life and started e-mailing me again, so I figured if I could be myself with her once again, I'd be able to say that I finally managed to make a second friend (real friend, who I do things with - not an acquaintance) in this world.
And so, we met up to see the movie Michael Clayton. We had about half an hour before the previews started up. We spent the time chatting, and I was completely myself. No "voice thing" at all. No problems whatsoever. We talked about things like her bar exam results, a business idea of her friend, a hat, politics, her career plans, the movie, my job search, what I'm going to be doing at work, a story about why she closed her myspace account, and more. I made some jokes - I don't remember about what - but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I was myself with her, and that's all that I'm trying to achieve with anyone (and everyone) I meet.
She offered to treat me to some food, since I had paid for the movie tickets. She said thanks several times after I walked her to her car (not romantic - I had a golf umbrella, and it was raining cats and dogs). The next day, she sent me a text saying "Had fun, thanks again!"
So this is good. I now have a second friend. And my first female friend - ever.
Now, this seems to present a great opportunity. It seems as if I could pick apart every aspect of my interaction and feelings regarding this new friend of mine. Pick it apart, and figure out exactly what it is that allows me to be myself with her. What it was that allowed me to get to this point. After all, I met her the same way I've met everyone else. Hmm.
Naturally, I started doing that, and had a theory. I turned said theory into a plan. I was going to share it, but since the last time I had a chance to write, I actually had the opportunity to test it out on a date. It didn't work (more on that in a couple of posts), or at least I didn't get it to work, so I will hold off for now and just put thoughts in the Lab Notes when I get a chance. I don't want to share ideas that don't work....there's plenty of that on the Internet already.
Telephone Anxiety
So, in the Lab Notes last week, I talked about my immense telephone anxiety. I decided to try something new: very little to no build-up in anticipation of making a phone call. In other words, I wanted to spend a lot less time thinking about and planning the calls before I made them. I did this, and generally didn't feel as much anxiety going through with them.
So on Friday, I managed to reach (on my third attempt in about 5 days) the girl that I went on the eHarmony date with ("Lingering Hug"). I "just did it" and made smalltalk for about a minute and a half. I just asked a couple general questions ("what have you been up to?"), with no intention of using any "topics" from any list. When there was a brief lull, I asked if she was free for dinner on Monday. She said yes, I got her address, and hung up. Most importantly, my voice was fine, unlike the way it was on our date (usual miserable "Voice Thing" sufferance).
She texted me and cancelled 7 hours before our planned date on Monday. Said she had no idea what time she was leaving work, and she was "so sorry." Well, without going too offtopic, I will just say that I don't think ladies will break dates with guys they are interested in, without making a "counteroffer" for another day. I figure we're done - I don't plan to ask her out again - she will have to do it if she's really still interested.
I had also called the other girl ("Second Round Success") the day before, but got her voicemail and didn't leave a message (I never do - my voicemail anxiety is even worse than my telephone anxiety). She called me back on Sunday, and I did the same thing. I made a little bit of small talk. This was better. Things she said immediately triggered responses in my mind. She said she'd been to a Halloween party the previous day. I asked if it was a costume party, she said yes, I asked what she wore, she said a bee suit, and I asked if it was for the new Bee Movie movie. Stuff like that. My voice was again fine. I asked if she was free on Halloween, but she wasn't. She offered to hang out Thursday, but I told her Wednesday was actually my only night free (pretty much true) until Sunday. I'm supposed to give her a call on Thursday to set up for Sunday - hopefully she isn't scared off by my unavailability.
Okay, next post...
Okay guys. It's 1:43AM on a Wednesday. I had another activity tonight, and I'm generally exhausted, but it's been far too long since I gave you an update on my mission. So here goes: I will write what I can now, and fix the sleep deprivation typos later.
So there has been a lot going on. Let me first backtrack to Friday.
If you skimmed over my lab notes from last week, you may have noticed that I was planning to go to a movie with one of the two girls I met on the craigslist "strictly platonic" section months ago. And so, Friday was the third time we met up. The first time, I was pretty comfortable - she was actually the first person I met from the Internet when I started all of this. The second time, I was pretty much myself. I'd already cleared the air about it really being "strictly platonic," and she'd come back to life and started e-mailing me again, so I figured if I could be myself with her once again, I'd be able to say that I finally managed to make a second friend (real friend, who I do things with - not an acquaintance) in this world.
And so, we met up to see the movie Michael Clayton. We had about half an hour before the previews started up. We spent the time chatting, and I was completely myself. No "voice thing" at all. No problems whatsoever. We talked about things like her bar exam results, a business idea of her friend, a hat, politics, her career plans, the movie, my job search, what I'm going to be doing at work, a story about why she closed her myspace account, and more. I made some jokes - I don't remember about what - but it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I was myself with her, and that's all that I'm trying to achieve with anyone (and everyone) I meet.
She offered to treat me to some food, since I had paid for the movie tickets. She said thanks several times after I walked her to her car (not romantic - I had a golf umbrella, and it was raining cats and dogs). The next day, she sent me a text saying "Had fun, thanks again!"
So this is good. I now have a second friend. And my first female friend - ever.
Now, this seems to present a great opportunity. It seems as if I could pick apart every aspect of my interaction and feelings regarding this new friend of mine. Pick it apart, and figure out exactly what it is that allows me to be myself with her. What it was that allowed me to get to this point. After all, I met her the same way I've met everyone else. Hmm.
Naturally, I started doing that, and had a theory. I turned said theory into a plan. I was going to share it, but since the last time I had a chance to write, I actually had the opportunity to test it out on a date. It didn't work (more on that in a couple of posts), or at least I didn't get it to work, so I will hold off for now and just put thoughts in the Lab Notes when I get a chance. I don't want to share ideas that don't work....there's plenty of that on the Internet already.
Telephone Anxiety
So, in the Lab Notes last week, I talked about my immense telephone anxiety. I decided to try something new: very little to no build-up in anticipation of making a phone call. In other words, I wanted to spend a lot less time thinking about and planning the calls before I made them. I did this, and generally didn't feel as much anxiety going through with them.
So on Friday, I managed to reach (on my third attempt in about 5 days) the girl that I went on the eHarmony date with ("Lingering Hug"). I "just did it" and made smalltalk for about a minute and a half. I just asked a couple general questions ("what have you been up to?"), with no intention of using any "topics" from any list. When there was a brief lull, I asked if she was free for dinner on Monday. She said yes, I got her address, and hung up. Most importantly, my voice was fine, unlike the way it was on our date (usual miserable "Voice Thing" sufferance).
She texted me and cancelled 7 hours before our planned date on Monday. Said she had no idea what time she was leaving work, and she was "so sorry." Well, without going too offtopic, I will just say that I don't think ladies will break dates with guys they are interested in, without making a "counteroffer" for another day. I figure we're done - I don't plan to ask her out again - she will have to do it if she's really still interested.
I had also called the other girl ("Second Round Success") the day before, but got her voicemail and didn't leave a message (I never do - my voicemail anxiety is even worse than my telephone anxiety). She called me back on Sunday, and I did the same thing. I made a little bit of small talk. This was better. Things she said immediately triggered responses in my mind. She said she'd been to a Halloween party the previous day. I asked if it was a costume party, she said yes, I asked what she wore, she said a bee suit, and I asked if it was for the new Bee Movie movie. Stuff like that. My voice was again fine. I asked if she was free on Halloween, but she wasn't. She offered to hang out Thursday, but I told her Wednesday was actually my only night free (pretty much true) until Sunday. I'm supposed to give her a call on Thursday to set up for Sunday - hopefully she isn't scared off by my unavailability.
Okay, next post...
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