For what it's worth, I went out on a fourth-date tonight (8th date since starting the blog, 11th 1-on-1 meetup of some sort).
I got really down before when I thought that this "relationship" (obviously not a relationship relationship) was over after our first kiss and a good date. For some reason, I just couldn't handle the thought of it ending on a high note.
Well tonight was no high note. I couldn't seem to get anything working.
I picked up my date at 7:30, and we went to a Thai restaurant around the corner from her place. Beforehand, I had looked over a little list of a few things we could talk about, but...nothing seemed to work well. It just wouldn't go in the direction of "light and funny."
My date had been really busy doing med school application stuff. She seemed tired, and not very happy this time. But was it that stuff, or was it me...?
I'm thinking some combination of the two. I had my voice perfectly in gear before I picked her up, but then it quickly degraded to the usual and I couldn't seem to get out of it. The Voice Thing has plagued me on 7 of 8 dates so far! It's insane.
There was no magic working here. One thing I noticed about this girl is that she rarely, rarely asks any reciprocal questions. I ask her a lot of things...for example, tonight I asked her what TV shows she watches. Wouldn't most people say "how about you?" at some point after answering? So that didn't help keep the conversation flowing, and there were some silences (maybe not awkward, but I was panicking mentally!) .
I asked about her coming birthday....she talked about how she doesn't like birthday parties. How about New Years then? Done Times Square? Nope, that would be horrible, too many people. Not positive, not good. I asked if she is on any social networking sites...nope, if she's really friends with someone, they will just exchange phone numbers. Still not positive! Plus a good bit of conversation about all the stuff she has to do - I should have avoided that, but I was otherwise thin on material.
There were a few good things, I guess, but it mostly wasn't positive. I asked her if she had been rock climbing lately....nope, not enough time or money.
This next one really takes the cake. She asked about my horseback riding...okay, good, I had a reciprocal question: do you have anything like that you want to learn to do? Of course, what I was attempting was what I promised a couple posts ago. I was going to try the "perfect" 43things.com conversation topic! (the original lead-in was social networking sites, but I got distracted then by her dislike of those things).
The answer? No - she had already done everything she wanted to do. What! At age 22?! To heck with it: I was going to ask my 43things.com question anyway. I did it indirectly - I asked, "Do you have a life's to-do list?"
The answer? Nope...there's nothing so important to her that she has to do it. What!!! So I said, getting her MD/Ph.D. must be on the list. She said no! She wants to do it, but doesn't have to.
What the heck is going on here? My voice was out of whack, and I forgot to try asking about her favorite color, or popped collars, or my updog joke. (In retrospect, I had a good lead-in for my popped collar routine, and it could have saved the day. Maybe.) But her general downer mood really didn't make me feel like asking anything silly. I should have forced it, but those things didn't come to mind at the time and really, I'm new at this...so I'm cutting myself some slack for once.
She put her plate to the side after eating less than half of the food. I took another bite of mine for the heck of it, and then she brought her plate back and had another chopstick-full, but it was clear that she wanted to go so I let the waiter take the plates. Didn't even try for dessert. She still didn't offer to pay, but I won't even try to analyze what that means. I left a ridiculous $10 tip for $28 of food, and noticed her checking to see what bill I had just dropped on the table.
Car ride back to her place....I had a Gavin DeGraw CD playing, and I desperately needed a light and funny conversation topic. I associated the music with...the music conversation topic, and then with celebrities, in a mere instance in my mind. Good! So I asked her if she had been keeping up with Britney Spears, all the latest news.
Nope...she doesn't care one bit about celebrities. She feels sorry for them. That was it.
So this (rather short) date wasn't so good. For once though, I am convinced that it wasn't entirely my fault. After all, why should the burden be on me to come up with something good to talk about? She asked me a couple questions about my job interviews, weekend plans, and a couple of my hobbies, but those topics were transient even though I elaborated a little, for once (as promised).
I walked her up through her apartment, without announcing it this time. I had saved a hair-color conversation topic for the end, hoping to use it as a lead-in to touching her hair and hopefully having a real kiss with her this time.
Not much of a response. I stopped several feet short of her door. This time, she didn't stop and hug me - she was already directly in front of her door! She said thanks, she had fun (This means nothing!! If anything, it's bad. Very bad.). Actions speak louder than words...much louder.
My general feeling was, "Why did this girl even go out with me again?" But there was no way I was leaving without going for a kiss. No way!
I did something cool. I didn't say a word this time (last time I crackled out "good seeing you again"). I had to take a couple steps forward. I then placed my hands on her waist/hips, and she came toward me a bit for the kiss.
The actual kiss sucked. I can't tell who pulled away first, but there wasn't much to pull away from. It wasn't squarely on the lips like before. Kind of off-center. And it was very short, like a peck. I didn't feel that she was happy like last time. Can't really do these things justice in text, but it was completely different - by comparison, that first kiss was simply magic!
So I'm not 100% sure, but I think this love ship is sinking. I feel like I caught her at a bad time tonight, but still.....I didn't do very well, and I wouldn't blame her for not being interested. (I wonder if it's just my nice looks keeping me alive!) Then again, I wasn't really any worse than on our first three dates.
And then there's the fact that she seemed like so much of a downer. That's the opposite of my "type," so it doesn't help my interest level in her. I still like her though! It could be largely because, at least when we're together, she's mine, and that's pretty amazing for a guy who writes a blog about turning around a life of only 1 friend, very little social comfort and skills, and having never dated up through age 23.
This is kinda funny: what I experienced tonight seems a heck of a lot like what the Psychic said on our third date. She said that my girl (poor diction here!) was happy on the outside, but sad on the inside. I totally feel that now. And of course I can understand someone being under stress, even depressed. That's completely forgivable.
Plus....she's quite attractive. You should see her! Long, flowing hair, perfect smile.... It's very cool having a girl to call your own, even if only for a couple hours on a few nights. All this to say that I still like her.
BUT.....the love ship has only one life vest. Someone has to end the relationship! I felt so little interest from her tonight, it seems like she might really not want to go out again this time. I could spare myself any type of pain by not even asking her out again. I think it would be smart - the relationship has limited potential anyway, since she's probably moving away for school next August. Plus...no magic yet. No finishing each other's sentences, not a lot of "clickage."
My plan? Send her a nice text message on her birthday. Other than that, no more contacting her. I initiated three dates after our original eHarmony meeting. I walked forward and put my hands around her body tonight to initiate a kiss.
She certainly knows I like her.
So if she's significantly interested (for some reason!), she should, at a minimum, be able to send me a little e-mail saying "Hey, how are you?" after I don't contact her for a couple weeks. Probably won't happen...if not, it goes out like a lamb - no heartache for anyone!
[Side note: I really believe that giving compliments does not help a guy in the early stages of dating. Since this one looks like a goner, though, I might try some enormous compliment in the nice little text message that I send on her birthday. Nothing to lose :) Plus, she could definitely use the cheering up.]
I need to improve drastically. I need to figure out The Voice Thing. And I need to keep practicing - many more dates, friendship attempts, talking to random people, whatever the heck I can come up with, as originally planned. Not that I needed anymore motivation, but now I'm dying for another good kiss with a girl I like... :) So having better social skills would help get me there.
Next thing....a second shot at a Professionals in the City event. Going rock climbing. This time I'm taking my best (read: only) friend with me! I think it will help. I'll write about it and the whole dynamic on Saturday.
For the heck of it, lets say right here that my goal is to leave with the telephone number of a new person! That would be a first.
Whew. All the dating stuff is a bit off-topic, but it really helps me to use this blog as an outlet.
I got really down before when I thought that this "relationship" (obviously not a relationship relationship) was over after our first kiss and a good date. For some reason, I just couldn't handle the thought of it ending on a high note.
Well tonight was no high note. I couldn't seem to get anything working.
I picked up my date at 7:30, and we went to a Thai restaurant around the corner from her place. Beforehand, I had looked over a little list of a few things we could talk about, but...nothing seemed to work well. It just wouldn't go in the direction of "light and funny."
My date had been really busy doing med school application stuff. She seemed tired, and not very happy this time. But was it that stuff, or was it me...?
I'm thinking some combination of the two. I had my voice perfectly in gear before I picked her up, but then it quickly degraded to the usual and I couldn't seem to get out of it. The Voice Thing has plagued me on 7 of 8 dates so far! It's insane.
There was no magic working here. One thing I noticed about this girl is that she rarely, rarely asks any reciprocal questions. I ask her a lot of things...for example, tonight I asked her what TV shows she watches. Wouldn't most people say "how about you?" at some point after answering? So that didn't help keep the conversation flowing, and there were some silences (maybe not awkward, but I was panicking mentally!) .
I asked about her coming birthday....she talked about how she doesn't like birthday parties. How about New Years then? Done Times Square? Nope, that would be horrible, too many people. Not positive, not good. I asked if she is on any social networking sites...nope, if she's really friends with someone, they will just exchange phone numbers. Still not positive! Plus a good bit of conversation about all the stuff she has to do - I should have avoided that, but I was otherwise thin on material.
There were a few good things, I guess, but it mostly wasn't positive. I asked her if she had been rock climbing lately....nope, not enough time or money.
This next one really takes the cake. She asked about my horseback riding...okay, good, I had a reciprocal question: do you have anything like that you want to learn to do? Of course, what I was attempting was what I promised a couple posts ago. I was going to try the "perfect" 43things.com conversation topic! (the original lead-in was social networking sites, but I got distracted then by her dislike of those things).
The answer? No - she had already done everything she wanted to do. What! At age 22?! To heck with it: I was going to ask my 43things.com question anyway. I did it indirectly - I asked, "Do you have a life's to-do list?"
The answer? Nope...there's nothing so important to her that she has to do it. What!!! So I said, getting her MD/Ph.D. must be on the list. She said no! She wants to do it, but doesn't have to.
What the heck is going on here? My voice was out of whack, and I forgot to try asking about her favorite color, or popped collars, or my updog joke. (In retrospect, I had a good lead-in for my popped collar routine, and it could have saved the day. Maybe.) But her general downer mood really didn't make me feel like asking anything silly. I should have forced it, but those things didn't come to mind at the time and really, I'm new at this...so I'm cutting myself some slack for once.
She put her plate to the side after eating less than half of the food. I took another bite of mine for the heck of it, and then she brought her plate back and had another chopstick-full, but it was clear that she wanted to go so I let the waiter take the plates. Didn't even try for dessert. She still didn't offer to pay, but I won't even try to analyze what that means. I left a ridiculous $10 tip for $28 of food, and noticed her checking to see what bill I had just dropped on the table.
Car ride back to her place....I had a Gavin DeGraw CD playing, and I desperately needed a light and funny conversation topic. I associated the music with...the music conversation topic, and then with celebrities, in a mere instance in my mind. Good! So I asked her if she had been keeping up with Britney Spears, all the latest news.
Nope...she doesn't care one bit about celebrities. She feels sorry for them. That was it.
So this (rather short) date wasn't so good. For once though, I am convinced that it wasn't entirely my fault. After all, why should the burden be on me to come up with something good to talk about? She asked me a couple questions about my job interviews, weekend plans, and a couple of my hobbies, but those topics were transient even though I elaborated a little, for once (as promised).
I walked her up through her apartment, without announcing it this time. I had saved a hair-color conversation topic for the end, hoping to use it as a lead-in to touching her hair and hopefully having a real kiss with her this time.
Not much of a response. I stopped several feet short of her door. This time, she didn't stop and hug me - she was already directly in front of her door! She said thanks, she had fun (This means nothing!! If anything, it's bad. Very bad.). Actions speak louder than words...much louder.
My general feeling was, "Why did this girl even go out with me again?" But there was no way I was leaving without going for a kiss. No way!
I did something cool. I didn't say a word this time (last time I crackled out "good seeing you again"). I had to take a couple steps forward. I then placed my hands on her waist/hips, and she came toward me a bit for the kiss.
The actual kiss sucked. I can't tell who pulled away first, but there wasn't much to pull away from. It wasn't squarely on the lips like before. Kind of off-center. And it was very short, like a peck. I didn't feel that she was happy like last time. Can't really do these things justice in text, but it was completely different - by comparison, that first kiss was simply magic!
So I'm not 100% sure, but I think this love ship is sinking. I feel like I caught her at a bad time tonight, but still.....I didn't do very well, and I wouldn't blame her for not being interested. (I wonder if it's just my nice looks keeping me alive!) Then again, I wasn't really any worse than on our first three dates.
And then there's the fact that she seemed like so much of a downer. That's the opposite of my "type," so it doesn't help my interest level in her. I still like her though! It could be largely because, at least when we're together, she's mine, and that's pretty amazing for a guy who writes a blog about turning around a life of only 1 friend, very little social comfort and skills, and having never dated up through age 23.
This is kinda funny: what I experienced tonight seems a heck of a lot like what the Psychic said on our third date. She said that my girl (poor diction here!) was happy on the outside, but sad on the inside. I totally feel that now. And of course I can understand someone being under stress, even depressed. That's completely forgivable.
Plus....she's quite attractive. You should see her! Long, flowing hair, perfect smile.... It's very cool having a girl to call your own, even if only for a couple hours on a few nights. All this to say that I still like her.
BUT.....the love ship has only one life vest. Someone has to end the relationship! I felt so little interest from her tonight, it seems like she might really not want to go out again this time. I could spare myself any type of pain by not even asking her out again. I think it would be smart - the relationship has limited potential anyway, since she's probably moving away for school next August. Plus...no magic yet. No finishing each other's sentences, not a lot of "clickage."
My plan? Send her a nice text message on her birthday. Other than that, no more contacting her. I initiated three dates after our original eHarmony meeting. I walked forward and put my hands around her body tonight to initiate a kiss.
She certainly knows I like her.
So if she's significantly interested (for some reason!), she should, at a minimum, be able to send me a little e-mail saying "Hey, how are you?" after I don't contact her for a couple weeks. Probably won't happen...if not, it goes out like a lamb - no heartache for anyone!
[Side note: I really believe that giving compliments does not help a guy in the early stages of dating. Since this one looks like a goner, though, I might try some enormous compliment in the nice little text message that I send on her birthday. Nothing to lose :) Plus, she could definitely use the cheering up.]
I need to improve drastically. I need to figure out The Voice Thing. And I need to keep practicing - many more dates, friendship attempts, talking to random people, whatever the heck I can come up with, as originally planned. Not that I needed anymore motivation, but now I'm dying for another good kiss with a girl I like... :) So having better social skills would help get me there.
Next thing....a second shot at a Professionals in the City event. Going rock climbing. This time I'm taking my best (read: only) friend with me! I think it will help. I'll write about it and the whole dynamic on Saturday.
For the heck of it, lets say right here that my goal is to leave with the telephone number of a new person! That would be a first.
Whew. All the dating stuff is a bit off-topic, but it really helps me to use this blog as an outlet.
2 comments:
hey, thanks for sharing this wonderful blog, it's funny and honest and brave. i know how it feels...i'm a girl, but in the same shoes as you. early 20s, never found love, shy and awkward around people i don't know well, hardly have any friends. so...i just wanted to give you kudos for all your efforts...and of course for writing this blog =) you should get it published!
Hey, thanks for the great compliment. It really means a lot to me.
This stuff isn't easy, most of the time. Sometimes it's downright agonizing. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that there are so many other people out there like you, and like me.
I figure if I can do this - somehow figure out The Solution - then anyone can. So I'm doing it for the silent, shy masses!
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