I had my first activity of Round 2 tonight. Another first-date. I didn't get around to writing out any thoughts in the Lab Notes post beforehand. The result? More of the same....
First, let me say that The Voice Thing wasn't a big issue, for once. So that was good. I was just a little awkward: stumbled a bit with a sentence here and there. A few off-tune moments, but nothing major.
I ended up jotting down a bunch of conversation topics in preparation. I even took it with me, but I didn't intend to actually take it out and look at it (how could I?). I had it broken down into "definite" topics, and extras. I used all 5 "definite" topics, and all 2 of the 5 extras. 2 of them were just too silly. I'll jot all of this down in the Lab Notes entry if anyone's interested.
So, it was much like my other dates. Mostly me asking questions, but at least this time the division of talking time didn't seem nearly as lopsided. In most of the other dates, my partner seemed to do close to 90% (!) of the talking. This was more like a 60/40 split. I managed this improvement by having something in mind to contribute myself on all of the "definite" topics from my list. There were 3 or 4 pauses in the conversation, but I managed to think of a new topic each time before it got uncomfortable.
I was aiming for 45 minutes (at Starbucks), but as always, I managed to run over about 25 minutes. At least I ended it first. She said it was nice meeting me, and "talk to you soon." As long-time readers will recall, I've only ever managed to get one second-date up to this point. It's slightly interesting to review what the one-and-dones said at the end of our dates. Maybe there's a pattern.
One-and-done 1: "It was fun, we should do this again." (Hug)
One-and-done 2: "It was good meeting you, and I'll talk to you later....?" (Hug)
One-and-done 3: "I'll see you later...?" (Handshake-Hug)
-Successful date: "Have a safe trip home." (Hug initiated by me)
--------Tonight: "It was nice meeting you. Talk to you soon."
(Okay, so maybe that was a bit silly, but I couldn't resist.)
So, the date went alright. Not great, but alright. What I've realized is that what I'm doing - making it through with a list of conversation topics in mind - is just not going to cut it. Like I said yesterday: something is missing. By itself, my current approach is essentially a band-aid solution. It can get me through a few interactions, but that's not what I want or need. I want, and need, to just be myself! With the girl I dated multiple times, the band-aid approach worked for a while, but ultimately I seemed to run into a brick wall.
Speaking of that girl....
I feel a little down. A little down because after my date tonight, I made a comparison. I remembered how much I liked that last girl. She was kinda special. I really enjoyed her company. After that ship sunk, I tried mentally pointing out the negative things about her, and convincing myself that there wasn't really long-term potential. Well, that was silly - I definitely liked her anyway - so no more of that. Negative emotions suck, but I'll just have to bear them and press on when they pop up like this from time to time. Don't worry: I'm keeping it together this time :-)
So, in the future, I would like to be able to "keep" any girl that I start seeing, for as long as I want. But I'm nowhere near that point yet. I still haven't managed to make new friends (is that harder or easier than getting a girlfriend?). But all of the experience is helping.
So, to the lab! I'll dump my thoughts into the running Lab Notes entry as I try to figure out how to be fully comfortable and just be myself, instead of having to rely on lists of topics and what not. That's the only way I'm going to be able to develop a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with anyone.
Another first-date is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, with a great girl from eHarmony who can't wait to meet me. There was definitely "more" with the other 2 girls I met from eHarmony, so it could be interesting. Hopefully my lab notes will allow me to figure out something good and not too risky to try tomorrow.
Stay tuned.
First, let me say that The Voice Thing wasn't a big issue, for once. So that was good. I was just a little awkward: stumbled a bit with a sentence here and there. A few off-tune moments, but nothing major.
I ended up jotting down a bunch of conversation topics in preparation. I even took it with me, but I didn't intend to actually take it out and look at it (how could I?). I had it broken down into "definite" topics, and extras. I used all 5 "definite" topics, and all 2 of the 5 extras. 2 of them were just too silly. I'll jot all of this down in the Lab Notes entry if anyone's interested.
So, it was much like my other dates. Mostly me asking questions, but at least this time the division of talking time didn't seem nearly as lopsided. In most of the other dates, my partner seemed to do close to 90% (!) of the talking. This was more like a 60/40 split. I managed this improvement by having something in mind to contribute myself on all of the "definite" topics from my list. There were 3 or 4 pauses in the conversation, but I managed to think of a new topic each time before it got uncomfortable.
I was aiming for 45 minutes (at Starbucks), but as always, I managed to run over about 25 minutes. At least I ended it first. She said it was nice meeting me, and "talk to you soon." As long-time readers will recall, I've only ever managed to get one second-date up to this point. It's slightly interesting to review what the one-and-dones said at the end of our dates. Maybe there's a pattern.
One-and-done 1: "It was fun, we should do this again." (Hug)
One-and-done 2: "It was good meeting you, and I'll talk to you later....?" (Hug)
One-and-done 3: "I'll see you later...?" (Handshake-Hug)
-Successful date: "Have a safe trip home." (Hug initiated by me)
--------Tonight: "It was nice meeting you. Talk to you soon."
(Okay, so maybe that was a bit silly, but I couldn't resist.)
So, the date went alright. Not great, but alright. What I've realized is that what I'm doing - making it through with a list of conversation topics in mind - is just not going to cut it. Like I said yesterday: something is missing. By itself, my current approach is essentially a band-aid solution. It can get me through a few interactions, but that's not what I want or need. I want, and need, to just be myself! With the girl I dated multiple times, the band-aid approach worked for a while, but ultimately I seemed to run into a brick wall.
Speaking of that girl....
I feel a little down. A little down because after my date tonight, I made a comparison. I remembered how much I liked that last girl. She was kinda special. I really enjoyed her company. After that ship sunk, I tried mentally pointing out the negative things about her, and convincing myself that there wasn't really long-term potential. Well, that was silly - I definitely liked her anyway - so no more of that. Negative emotions suck, but I'll just have to bear them and press on when they pop up like this from time to time. Don't worry: I'm keeping it together this time :-)
So, in the future, I would like to be able to "keep" any girl that I start seeing, for as long as I want. But I'm nowhere near that point yet. I still haven't managed to make new friends (is that harder or easier than getting a girlfriend?). But all of the experience is helping.
So, to the lab! I'll dump my thoughts into the running Lab Notes entry as I try to figure out how to be fully comfortable and just be myself, instead of having to rely on lists of topics and what not. That's the only way I'm going to be able to develop a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with anyone.
Another first-date is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, with a great girl from eHarmony who can't wait to meet me. There was definitely "more" with the other 2 girls I met from eHarmony, so it could be interesting. Hopefully my lab notes will allow me to figure out something good and not too risky to try tomorrow.
Stay tuned.
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