Well, today was one of those days. One of those crappy, off days. I felt anxious about whether my date from Monday would call me back, and what she'd say if so. I spent way too much time thinking about how the date went. And worst of all, I allowed myself to think about what it'd be like to see the girl again, and even go beyond that. Not good.
And so, she eventually called. We talked for about 7 minutes - it was good, I was as comfortable as ever. As has been the case in every actual social situation I've talked about on this blog, most of the anxiety I'd had all day quickly diminished.
But at the end, she didn't say what I wanted to hear. Instead, I got the dreaded Friends Speech. She said she had a great time with me, but didn't really see the romantic thing, but would still like to hang out again. Cookie cutter stuff .
I had foreseen this possibility, so I was quite cool about it on the phone. I said that's cool, and I'd talk to her later. Yeah, right. It would be better than anything (for the mission) if we became friends, but I think that rarely happens with anyone with these things. She said she would call me if she wanted to hang out...something like that, anyway. That was the nail in the coffin.
Of course, I didn't expect my first date on this quest to be successful in the usual sense. I mean, I started about 10 years behind socially, so how could I? ;) So this shouldn't have upset me at all. I've found, however, that it is somehow, at a minimum, a little depressing nonetheless. The Friends Speech is a global killer of the male ego, so it's going to take some extra effort here to avoid losing any of my precious self-esteem and confidence.
One thing I didn't really point out before - because it was outside the scope of the mission - was that my date and I never really clicked. We never really found something in common that we both had a lot to say about, or whatever...surely you know what "clicking" means without me trying to explain it! So I can understand her not being interested - I probably wouldn't have been either, except that she was attractive enough for me to be willing to go further just because I am after the experience... :) Our secret, eh?
So what should I do to avoid feeling depressed? There's a bit of an urge to recap the date and figure out what went wrong, but I've decided that's not the way to go. Not for me, I would obsess over it and it would make me more anxious and down.
Like all mishaps on this quest, I am going to try to just shrug this one off. In reality, I'm communicating with seven other ladies......'nuff said. Plus, going on a date with this girl and talking to her on the phone several times was GREAT experience for the quest! And, it's good to have experienced the first Friends Speech of my life. Remarkably, that indicates that I partook in a romantic social activity (!), and "rejection" is no longer some unexperienced, yet inevitable bump in the road to be feared.
Finally, I already had another date lined up for tomorrow before I even knew she wasn't interested. So.....I should be fine ;)
Here is a summary of mistakes that I made in the aftermath of my first date, that contributed to problems (e.g., anxiety and feeling down) afterwards:
1. Getting too attached. With the objective to socialize as much as possible, I need to just enjoy my time with my dates, but avoid forming any expectations or even hopes of things going further. If it happens, it happens. If not, fine - that would really only put a damper on my ability to see a large number of different people.
2. Overthinking the meeting. In my post-meeting entries, I list what went well, and what I need to work on. That's about all the thinking I should be doing about the dates, or whatever. It's obviously natural to think about things a little, in passing, but this time I was anxiously dwelling over the events of the entire evening. That can't happen again.
Another date tomorrow. I've learned plenty from my mistakes with the first one, so hopefully it will go better. And if it doesn't, I will just shrug it off, learn from my mistakes, and keep on pushing.
The journey continues.
And so, she eventually called. We talked for about 7 minutes - it was good, I was as comfortable as ever. As has been the case in every actual social situation I've talked about on this blog, most of the anxiety I'd had all day quickly diminished.
But at the end, she didn't say what I wanted to hear. Instead, I got the dreaded Friends Speech. She said she had a great time with me, but didn't really see the romantic thing, but would still like to hang out again. Cookie cutter stuff .
I had foreseen this possibility, so I was quite cool about it on the phone. I said that's cool, and I'd talk to her later. Yeah, right. It would be better than anything (for the mission) if we became friends, but I think that rarely happens with anyone with these things. She said she would call me if she wanted to hang out...something like that, anyway. That was the nail in the coffin.
Of course, I didn't expect my first date on this quest to be successful in the usual sense. I mean, I started about 10 years behind socially, so how could I? ;) So this shouldn't have upset me at all. I've found, however, that it is somehow, at a minimum, a little depressing nonetheless. The Friends Speech is a global killer of the male ego, so it's going to take some extra effort here to avoid losing any of my precious self-esteem and confidence.
One thing I didn't really point out before - because it was outside the scope of the mission - was that my date and I never really clicked. We never really found something in common that we both had a lot to say about, or whatever...surely you know what "clicking" means without me trying to explain it! So I can understand her not being interested - I probably wouldn't have been either, except that she was attractive enough for me to be willing to go further just because I am after the experience... :) Our secret, eh?
So what should I do to avoid feeling depressed? There's a bit of an urge to recap the date and figure out what went wrong, but I've decided that's not the way to go. Not for me, I would obsess over it and it would make me more anxious and down.
Like all mishaps on this quest, I am going to try to just shrug this one off. In reality, I'm communicating with seven other ladies......'nuff said. Plus, going on a date with this girl and talking to her on the phone several times was GREAT experience for the quest! And, it's good to have experienced the first Friends Speech of my life. Remarkably, that indicates that I partook in a romantic social activity (!), and "rejection" is no longer some unexperienced, yet inevitable bump in the road to be feared.
Finally, I already had another date lined up for tomorrow before I even knew she wasn't interested. So.....I should be fine ;)
Here is a summary of mistakes that I made in the aftermath of my first date, that contributed to problems (e.g., anxiety and feeling down) afterwards:
1. Getting too attached. With the objective to socialize as much as possible, I need to just enjoy my time with my dates, but avoid forming any expectations or even hopes of things going further. If it happens, it happens. If not, fine - that would really only put a damper on my ability to see a large number of different people.
2. Overthinking the meeting. In my post-meeting entries, I list what went well, and what I need to work on. That's about all the thinking I should be doing about the dates, or whatever. It's obviously natural to think about things a little, in passing, but this time I was anxiously dwelling over the events of the entire evening. That can't happen again.
Another date tomorrow. I've learned plenty from my mistakes with the first one, so hopefully it will go better. And if it doesn't, I will just shrug it off, learn from my mistakes, and keep on pushing.
The journey continues.
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