"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."
-- Calvin Coolidge
I want to thank Bárbara and Reese, whose comments were a big help in encouraging me to press on.
Well, I'm back. I was feeling really, really down for about 22 hours after the last date I told you about. After those 22 hours, I started to feel again what I was thinking: There's no reason to be discouraged. I knew I had a very long way to go when I started this, and so I knew some of my efforts would not go smoothly. But all in all, they're great no matter how they go. If nothing else, I learn something from every social situation I put myself into.
In reality, the first round of dates I went out on were pretty much sacrificial. I'd only been on one before in my life, before starting to go on about 2 per week. The first few were almost certain to be one-and-dones, no second date, since I started out in need of drastic improvement.
Just an update....I dropped my second date an e-mail, since she didn't respond to my phone call. No response to that, either. It's interesting....having had no experience with this, I didn't really know how people handle this. From my first 2 experiences, I learned that if a girl (may be different for guys) is not interested, she may either A) Talk to you and deliver the Friends Speech or B) Completely ignore you. Heh. The latter seems to me a bit less than tactful after a date that was at least friendly and amicable, but hey... it really doesn't make me any difference.
As for the third date... like I said, I was really unusually nervous (though not necessarily anxious; think "nervous laughter" and bumbled sentences) on that one for some reason. I decided this time to try something new. I sent her an e-mail telling her it was nice talking to her, and asking if she'd like to get together again sometime as friends..and I suggested something specific. She very well may not want to be friends, but I figured it was worth a try.
More updates. I have another first date set for tomorrow. I set it for the exact same location as the last one :) So it will be my chance at redemption.
On the platonic front...a friend from craig's list that I've been e-mailing for months, since I started this blog, told me that she (who is admittedly a bit shy) would like to finally meet up. I'm going to meet her soon, as well as another person from craig's list that just moved to town. Just what I needed.
And finally, I've decided on a change in strategy. My last theory - about trying to reduce inhibition by just trying to lose one's sense of self-awareness - failed miserably the first time I tried it with someone in person. That's OK, because I said early on that if any of my plans don't work, I will simply adjust and try something else.
So I have a new idea. Instead of trying to passively do nothing to reduce inhibition, I'm going to try the exact opposite. I'm going to instead be ACTIVE, and force myself, no matter what, into some uninhibited behavior. What I have in mind is forcing myself to say some of the types of things that have been coming to mind, but that I've felt too inhibited to say.
These things are mainly humor, and silly comments or questions. For example, as a date question...what's your favorite color? And teasing in response. Or blurt out a silly joke. Some of the fun things on the Conversation Topics post. Likewise, I'm going to force delivery of any compliment that comes to mind. I thought of these things before, but didn't actually do them - I guess there's some added inhibition there because of the potential for embarassment, or whatever. The idea now is that if I make myself do them, the other person will almost surely react positively, giving some good reinforcement. Hopefully seeing positive reactions to just being myself will help me loosen up a bit. And it'll lighten the mood, which is something my previous dates (the platonic meeting was actually pretty fun) could have used.
Lastly, something I learned from the last date. The main reason I bumbled a few sentences was that I was trying to give an answer that I thought would be interesting to the other person, rather than just answering normally. I've been getting into the position of feeling like others are more interesting than I, because I haven't been as many places or done as many things, for reasons obvious to you. To be myself, and bumble less, I'm going to have to just accept that and not put forth extra effort to seem more interesting.
Hopefully that last paragraph wasn't too vague. See ya soon.
I want to thank Bárbara and Reese, whose comments were a big help in encouraging me to press on.
Well, I'm back. I was feeling really, really down for about 22 hours after the last date I told you about. After those 22 hours, I started to feel again what I was thinking: There's no reason to be discouraged. I knew I had a very long way to go when I started this, and so I knew some of my efforts would not go smoothly. But all in all, they're great no matter how they go. If nothing else, I learn something from every social situation I put myself into.
In reality, the first round of dates I went out on were pretty much sacrificial. I'd only been on one before in my life, before starting to go on about 2 per week. The first few were almost certain to be one-and-dones, no second date, since I started out in need of drastic improvement.
Just an update....I dropped my second date an e-mail, since she didn't respond to my phone call. No response to that, either. It's interesting....having had no experience with this, I didn't really know how people handle this. From my first 2 experiences, I learned that if a girl (may be different for guys) is not interested, she may either A) Talk to you and deliver the Friends Speech or B) Completely ignore you. Heh. The latter seems to me a bit less than tactful after a date that was at least friendly and amicable, but hey... it really doesn't make me any difference.
As for the third date... like I said, I was really unusually nervous (though not necessarily anxious; think "nervous laughter" and bumbled sentences) on that one for some reason. I decided this time to try something new. I sent her an e-mail telling her it was nice talking to her, and asking if she'd like to get together again sometime as friends..and I suggested something specific. She very well may not want to be friends, but I figured it was worth a try.
More updates. I have another first date set for tomorrow. I set it for the exact same location as the last one :) So it will be my chance at redemption.
On the platonic front...a friend from craig's list that I've been e-mailing for months, since I started this blog, told me that she (who is admittedly a bit shy) would like to finally meet up. I'm going to meet her soon, as well as another person from craig's list that just moved to town. Just what I needed.
And finally, I've decided on a change in strategy. My last theory - about trying to reduce inhibition by just trying to lose one's sense of self-awareness - failed miserably the first time I tried it with someone in person. That's OK, because I said early on that if any of my plans don't work, I will simply adjust and try something else.
So I have a new idea. Instead of trying to passively do nothing to reduce inhibition, I'm going to try the exact opposite. I'm going to instead be ACTIVE, and force myself, no matter what, into some uninhibited behavior. What I have in mind is forcing myself to say some of the types of things that have been coming to mind, but that I've felt too inhibited to say.
These things are mainly humor, and silly comments or questions. For example, as a date question...what's your favorite color? And teasing in response. Or blurt out a silly joke. Some of the fun things on the Conversation Topics post. Likewise, I'm going to force delivery of any compliment that comes to mind. I thought of these things before, but didn't actually do them - I guess there's some added inhibition there because of the potential for embarassment, or whatever. The idea now is that if I make myself do them, the other person will almost surely react positively, giving some good reinforcement. Hopefully seeing positive reactions to just being myself will help me loosen up a bit. And it'll lighten the mood, which is something my previous dates (the platonic meeting was actually pretty fun) could have used.
Lastly, something I learned from the last date. The main reason I bumbled a few sentences was that I was trying to give an answer that I thought would be interesting to the other person, rather than just answering normally. I've been getting into the position of feeling like others are more interesting than I, because I haven't been as many places or done as many things, for reasons obvious to you. To be myself, and bumble less, I'm going to have to just accept that and not put forth extra effort to seem more interesting.
Hopefully that last paragraph wasn't too vague. See ya soon.
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