This was never meant to be a blog about a shy guy trying to date.
Why so many posts, then, about dating? Lets review an abbreviated version of the Original Plan, from the post "Organizing Our Efforts:"
Why so many posts, then, about dating? Lets review an abbreviated version of the Original Plan, from the post "Organizing Our Efforts:"
1. Make friends online
2. Make dates online
3. Spend more time with existing friends. If applicable.
3a. Ask current close friends to introduce you to more of their friends.
3b. Get closer to your less-close friends, and acquaintances.
4. Talk to people everywhere you possibly can.
2. Make dates online
3. Spend more time with existing friends. If applicable.
3a. Ask current close friends to introduce you to more of their friends.
3b. Get closer to your less-close friends, and acquaintances.
4. Talk to people everywhere you possibly can.
(The original post is essential reading. It goes into some important details on these points. )
Now, back to the question: why so many posts about dating? I've been on 4 dates, and I've only had 1 platonic meeting. Well, the answer is that it is just a lot easier to find people online to date than it is to find people interested only in friendship. As for #3, I haven't really had the chance. For #4, I really haven't done anything out of my ordinary, so I will definitely have to make a real effort at that now.
At long last, things are starting to shape up for #1. I've made tentative plans to hang out this weekend with the person (from craig's list) that I met in my first platonic meeting. That will be a milestone, since it'll be the first time I've seen anyone I've met on this mission for a second time.
Hopefully I will soon be able to call this person my second offline friend overall. Excellent!
And on top of that, the next day, I'll be meeting the other girl who I've been e-mailing for a couple months. Hopefully the same will come of that.
And still, there's more! (When it rains, it pours). Another girl (from craig's list's platonic section) that I e-mailed a few times finally moved to my area. I called her up tonight.....as with every phone call, I will recapitulate:
It went great. I had called my best friend before and after this call, so that was good for comparison. My voice was clear and eloquent, and I had enough things to say (for a 15-minute conversation) even though I only had a couple topics in mind when I dialed. I was relatively uninhibited...there were a few short silences, and some blind "uh-huhs," but in my estimation, they were pretty normal for a first phone call with someone you hardly know at all. I asked her if she wants to meet up on Labor Day, and told her I'd give her another call this weekend.
This was actually my first platonic phone call on the mission. I've only texted and e-mailed the other two people.
In reality, making new friends, no matter how it's done, is the one critical thing that has to be achieved on this mission. It is both the means and the end. After making a few friends, I'll have new people to spend time with, which will allow my social skills to improve. And I will use those skills to make new friends, and continue building, and building, and building.
Where does dating fit into the plan? Having so little to work with in the way of social skils and comfort level, the dates have all so far been one-and-dones (the verdict is still out on my 4th date..I will update you on that soon). Well, as it turns out, I think all these first dates have actually had great value. Dating is one of the toughest social situations to deal with. I think that having tackled those repeatedly from the outset is going to make all of these platonic meetings seem much easier. Right now I have little or no anxiety about these coming new platonic meetings, and I think I have my new dating experiences largely to thank for that.
My attempt here is to go all-out. Toward that end, I am going to try to start to make some new friends offline as well. The only way I've been able to figure out to do it is to join some type of club, or something where I will see the same people repeatedly. So, I am planning to start taking a hip-hop dance class on Saturday. Now how is a super-inhibited person like me going to handle that?? He is going to Just Do It. It's a great way to force myself into some uninhibited behavior (a principle theory mentioned in the last couple posts), so if I can get comfortable dancing - of all things - hopefully that will help me feel more comfortable with basic things, like...ya know...talking.
Now, back to the question: why so many posts about dating? I've been on 4 dates, and I've only had 1 platonic meeting. Well, the answer is that it is just a lot easier to find people online to date than it is to find people interested only in friendship. As for #3, I haven't really had the chance. For #4, I really haven't done anything out of my ordinary, so I will definitely have to make a real effort at that now.
At long last, things are starting to shape up for #1. I've made tentative plans to hang out this weekend with the person (from craig's list) that I met in my first platonic meeting. That will be a milestone, since it'll be the first time I've seen anyone I've met on this mission for a second time.
Hopefully I will soon be able to call this person my second offline friend overall. Excellent!
And on top of that, the next day, I'll be meeting the other girl who I've been e-mailing for a couple months. Hopefully the same will come of that.
And still, there's more! (When it rains, it pours). Another girl (from craig's list's platonic section) that I e-mailed a few times finally moved to my area. I called her up tonight.....as with every phone call, I will recapitulate:
It went great. I had called my best friend before and after this call, so that was good for comparison. My voice was clear and eloquent, and I had enough things to say (for a 15-minute conversation) even though I only had a couple topics in mind when I dialed. I was relatively uninhibited...there were a few short silences, and some blind "uh-huhs," but in my estimation, they were pretty normal for a first phone call with someone you hardly know at all. I asked her if she wants to meet up on Labor Day, and told her I'd give her another call this weekend.
This was actually my first platonic phone call on the mission. I've only texted and e-mailed the other two people.
In reality, making new friends, no matter how it's done, is the one critical thing that has to be achieved on this mission. It is both the means and the end. After making a few friends, I'll have new people to spend time with, which will allow my social skills to improve. And I will use those skills to make new friends, and continue building, and building, and building.
Where does dating fit into the plan? Having so little to work with in the way of social skils and comfort level, the dates have all so far been one-and-dones (the verdict is still out on my 4th date..I will update you on that soon). Well, as it turns out, I think all these first dates have actually had great value. Dating is one of the toughest social situations to deal with. I think that having tackled those repeatedly from the outset is going to make all of these platonic meetings seem much easier. Right now I have little or no anxiety about these coming new platonic meetings, and I think I have my new dating experiences largely to thank for that.
My attempt here is to go all-out. Toward that end, I am going to try to start to make some new friends offline as well. The only way I've been able to figure out to do it is to join some type of club, or something where I will see the same people repeatedly. So, I am planning to start taking a hip-hop dance class on Saturday. Now how is a super-inhibited person like me going to handle that?? He is going to Just Do It. It's a great way to force myself into some uninhibited behavior (a principle theory mentioned in the last couple posts), so if I can get comfortable dancing - of all things - hopefully that will help me feel more comfortable with basic things, like...ya know...talking.
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