Well, I was at it again today. For the fifth time, I met someone from the Internet. It was my fourth first date in less than 2 weeks.
Good news: it definitely went better than the last date that had me feeling like I was at the end of my rope.
This time I saw my date - who I had never even talked to on the phone - outside of the Starbucks. I went up to say hey. (I'm recapping this stuff for those who have never tried online dating....I think it's interesting). This time she asked if I was MyName. Ha, she had seen pictures of me, so it should have been obvious, but I said that I was. For the first time, no hug or handshake. She asked if we should go inside or sit outside. On the first 2 dates, I was asked something similar and was too indecisive, but this time I finally got it right (it was definitely too hot to be outside). So we went inside and ordered.
We sat, and talked. I didn't have a lot of specific things in mind to ask her, but maybe that was a good thing. My voice wasn't much better than the last time....some sort of weird psychological block on me speaking normally, I suppose....but things otherwise went pretty well.
I had in mind what I said before about forcing some uninhibited comments and a compliment. I made myself say a few, not-too-risky things (no updog joke..dang it) that came to mind, and it was good. I'm pretty sure we laughed together more than on any of my previous dates, so that was great. She seemed to do about 95% of the talking. Sounds crazy, but I'm really not exaggerating much, if at all. She spoke so much, in fact, that I wasn't even able to get in a few questions that came to mind before she changed topics. I said very little about myself, which is not necessarily all that bad...all of these girls talk A LOT. Definitely good for me starting out. But I've digressed.
I never felt like there was a good time to break out the favorite color question, or the compliment, so next time I will try harder to force those things as appropriate. Overall, I think this time I got a slightly better balance of lighter topics with career discussion and such.
The second thing that I mentioned last post was not trying to compensate for my lack of experience by trying to make myself sound more interesting in answering questions. I actually stuck to this ("Nope...didn't do anything except study in high school"), and found that I didn't bumble any sentences. Somehow I was a bit nervous again, and for a little while actually felt my face getting a little twitchy (the twitch used to be my nemesis...see "So you ready to meet now?" post). Not too bad, but at one point my nervousness caused me to blow saying the word Hospitality. Not exactly a tongue twister, so it's hard to see how I could mess it up. Just an indicator that I need to greatly increase my comfort level in these social situations.
After an hour and twenty minutes, I ended the date. I was aiming for 45 minutes, but I'm not so good at estimating elapsed time without glancing at my watch, and I was trying to wait until a high note to end it. Yes, this time I was determined to be the one to end it. As far as dating goes, I think that's one of the most important things (on the male side, of course). On my first three, unsuccessful dates, the girl was the one to end it, so I definitely wanted to do this differently. When I said I'd better get leaving, my date apologized for keeping me so long, and said something to the effect of: Wow, we've been here a while. Excellent! At least, I hope that translates to something like "time flies when you're having fun."
I walked to her car with her, so no issues with that this time. I said it was good meeting her, and I initiated a hug. So what did she say? The first date said it was fun, and we should do it again sometime. The second said she'd had a good time, and "I'll talk to you later....?" The third said "I'll see you later..?" Hmmm.
She just said to have a safe trip home :) It's probably silly to analyze these things, so I won't infer anything from it....I'm just glad it was different from those first 3 endings.
Now this time, I will probably go with another follow-up call in a couple days. If she's still interested, that would certainly bode well for my ego, and I just may experience my first second-date ever. If not though, I'll be cool this time, and just keep at it. I've already seen the worst, and it's not that bad....so now I'm quite fearless.
Coming soon: a second platonic meeting!
Good news: it definitely went better than the last date that had me feeling like I was at the end of my rope.
This time I saw my date - who I had never even talked to on the phone - outside of the Starbucks. I went up to say hey. (I'm recapping this stuff for those who have never tried online dating....I think it's interesting). This time she asked if I was MyName. Ha, she had seen pictures of me, so it should have been obvious, but I said that I was. For the first time, no hug or handshake. She asked if we should go inside or sit outside. On the first 2 dates, I was asked something similar and was too indecisive, but this time I finally got it right (it was definitely too hot to be outside). So we went inside and ordered.
We sat, and talked. I didn't have a lot of specific things in mind to ask her, but maybe that was a good thing. My voice wasn't much better than the last time....some sort of weird psychological block on me speaking normally, I suppose....but things otherwise went pretty well.
I had in mind what I said before about forcing some uninhibited comments and a compliment. I made myself say a few, not-too-risky things (no updog joke..dang it) that came to mind, and it was good. I'm pretty sure we laughed together more than on any of my previous dates, so that was great. She seemed to do about 95% of the talking. Sounds crazy, but I'm really not exaggerating much, if at all. She spoke so much, in fact, that I wasn't even able to get in a few questions that came to mind before she changed topics. I said very little about myself, which is not necessarily all that bad...all of these girls talk A LOT. Definitely good for me starting out. But I've digressed.
I never felt like there was a good time to break out the favorite color question, or the compliment, so next time I will try harder to force those things as appropriate. Overall, I think this time I got a slightly better balance of lighter topics with career discussion and such.
The second thing that I mentioned last post was not trying to compensate for my lack of experience by trying to make myself sound more interesting in answering questions. I actually stuck to this ("Nope...didn't do anything except study in high school"), and found that I didn't bumble any sentences. Somehow I was a bit nervous again, and for a little while actually felt my face getting a little twitchy (the twitch used to be my nemesis...see "So you ready to meet now?" post). Not too bad, but at one point my nervousness caused me to blow saying the word Hospitality. Not exactly a tongue twister, so it's hard to see how I could mess it up. Just an indicator that I need to greatly increase my comfort level in these social situations.
After an hour and twenty minutes, I ended the date. I was aiming for 45 minutes, but I'm not so good at estimating elapsed time without glancing at my watch, and I was trying to wait until a high note to end it. Yes, this time I was determined to be the one to end it. As far as dating goes, I think that's one of the most important things (on the male side, of course). On my first three, unsuccessful dates, the girl was the one to end it, so I definitely wanted to do this differently. When I said I'd better get leaving, my date apologized for keeping me so long, and said something to the effect of: Wow, we've been here a while. Excellent! At least, I hope that translates to something like "time flies when you're having fun."
I walked to her car with her, so no issues with that this time. I said it was good meeting her, and I initiated a hug. So what did she say? The first date said it was fun, and we should do it again sometime. The second said she'd had a good time, and "I'll talk to you later....?" The third said "I'll see you later..?" Hmmm.
She just said to have a safe trip home :) It's probably silly to analyze these things, so I won't infer anything from it....I'm just glad it was different from those first 3 endings.
Now this time, I will probably go with another follow-up call in a couple days. If she's still interested, that would certainly bode well for my ego, and I just may experience my first second-date ever. If not though, I'll be cool this time, and just keep at it. I've already seen the worst, and it's not that bad....so now I'm quite fearless.
Coming soon: a second platonic meeting!
1 comment:
sounds like familiar... the one thing about "trying to be myself" and not telling the other people "what they want to hear". sometimes it´s a kind of naughty (is that the word? I hope so) game to play, but it is ok because you´re the one who decides to pretend. bad if you do so only to prove others you are just as "cool" as they are. people are different, and quite often, more different than you would like to. it´s just a matter of time to get used to it. by the way, I´m glad to read that you´re improving your skills. way to go!
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