Well, I went on another date tonight. The third date in my lifetime, and the second this week.
Despite my efforts, I did a rather poor job of dealing with the results of the first date. Even after my post, I found myself thinking about it almost constantly. I was also very anxious....I think this was the result of all the thinking, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I won't get back into rationalizing why I should have reacted better, and all that - hopefully that was covered sufficiently in the last post.
By date time, I pretty much had myself together. My anxiety from thinking about the first date's results were diminished, and - once again - I was not very anxious in anticipation of my next date. I felt a little something, but I'm convinced that in every case, that has been no more than what just about anyone would feel in anticipation of meeting someone from the Internet from the first time. And in fact, maybe my anxiety level was less than average...
I stood in front of the restaurant where we were to meet. After a couple minutes, I saw her. I wasn't completely sure it was her, but then she waved. I said Hey, and we probably had one other little exchange....then I hugged her. This time, I initiated, after learning from my first date that it's a pretty good greeting.
It seemed like history was repeating itself a little, because like on my first date, we needed to choose a different restaurant (first time, too hot...this time, too crowded). This was the chance for me to correct my previous error of being indecisive: This date, too, asked me if I wanted to stay or find another place. I made the same error...I said uh, and said I'd leave it up to her. Not good for dating, but I really wasn't sure! It was in the city, on her turf, and I didn't know the area or what other restaurants would be like. But anyway, perhaps I will handle that properly the next time. Just do something decisively, it doesn't matter as much what that something is.
And so, we made it to the next restaurant. On the way, she mentioned (in reference to her stumbling a little on a word) that she was a little nervous. I thought this was so interesting! Why? Because, as you know, it should seem that *I* would be the nervous one in any social situation, especially on a date. But instead, as in my first 2 meetings, I felt almost zero anxiety and nervousness. (This is probably a good time to point out that this is the "I love you too" girl from match.com, so presumably she was quite interested in me, at least from the get-go.
We ate, and talked. She was very talkative, and so there was never an awkward silence, and we never ran out of things to talk about. The same happened on my first 2 meetings...I find this result to be interesting, because quantity of conversation was one of the main concerns that I had going ino this stuff.
So was this an unbelievably amazing breakthrough? Not really....but why not? We talked plenty, but I was still inhibited. Kind of like in Stiff Mode...I just wasn't the same super duper neat-o guy that I am talking to my close friend and family. Hard to describe, but chances are you know what I mean if you're reading this blog. I would say the inhibition level was about the same as on my 1st date, and a bit higher than on my first (platonic) meeting.
That said, it still went "pretty well," which is what I expected of all of these things going in. By the way, was I interested in the girl? Yeah, I liked her...I would like to see her again, but I won't trip out this time if I run into another Friends Speech.
We were together for a total of about 90 minutes. When we left, I this time was sure to offer to take her home. She declined, and I asked if she was sure....so then I let it go, which I think was okay. We hugged, and she said it was good meeting you, and "I'll talk to you later?" Yeah, with the question mark. I'm not sure what this means...maybe she's still interested and not sure if I was? Lets hope so. I would like to actually go on a 2nd date when I have the chance, because with more depth, maybe I could start to get comfortable with someone and start to be more like myself around them.
So here is the list of things that were successful:
1. Low anxiety level. In fact, remarkably low considering the situation.
2. General comfort level. I was pretty darn comfortable the whole time. To the point that afterwards, it didn't seem like a big deal AT ALL. This time I had only talked to my date on the phone for 27 minutes prior, so now we know that isn't a big factor.
3. Conversation. My date did most of the work, but as usual, I had way more than enough questions. There were so many things I had in mind that I didn't get to, it was kind of unreal. I was too inhibited to ask some of the fun questions, though....
4. Confidence. I wasn't self-consicous. Period.
And here's the list of things that I need to work on:
1. Talking about myself. Like on the first date, I was a bit awkward talking about myself, and describing things in general. I also did very little of it, so I need to work on the quality and quantity. (I copied and pasted this from the first date results...argh!)
2. Inhibition!!!! When I came home and spoke to those close to me, it was TOTALLY different! The word inhibition describes it perfectly, so I won't dwell on it. I'll let you know when I figure out how to improve this, if there's anything other than just doing these social gigs a ton.
3. Saying "uh" too much.
And specific dating things I missed, outside the scope of the mission:
1. Compliment. I would have liked to have tried complimenting my date on something. I noticed she had beautiful nails, but I missed mentioning it, probably due to inhibition. At least I will have that to say if there's a second date.
2. Having weekend plans. When in a non-platonic situation, I should ALWAYS have an answer to what my weekend plans are. I said I didn't really have anything planned yet, but wow, I had a couple of good things I could have mentioned.
And so, I am making progress. I will try to have a good conversation when I call her for the post-mortem, and hopefully this time there will be a second date.
Finally, I decided that I should go for MASS, ridiculous volume (a date every night!) with these things, because they're just too short if there's no 2nd date. I need all the experience I can possibly get. When I got home I saw that another girl had e-mailed me her phone number....sweet....keep the ball rolling.
Despite my efforts, I did a rather poor job of dealing with the results of the first date. Even after my post, I found myself thinking about it almost constantly. I was also very anxious....I think this was the result of all the thinking, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I won't get back into rationalizing why I should have reacted better, and all that - hopefully that was covered sufficiently in the last post.
By date time, I pretty much had myself together. My anxiety from thinking about the first date's results were diminished, and - once again - I was not very anxious in anticipation of my next date. I felt a little something, but I'm convinced that in every case, that has been no more than what just about anyone would feel in anticipation of meeting someone from the Internet from the first time. And in fact, maybe my anxiety level was less than average...
I stood in front of the restaurant where we were to meet. After a couple minutes, I saw her. I wasn't completely sure it was her, but then she waved. I said Hey, and we probably had one other little exchange....then I hugged her. This time, I initiated, after learning from my first date that it's a pretty good greeting.
It seemed like history was repeating itself a little, because like on my first date, we needed to choose a different restaurant (first time, too hot...this time, too crowded). This was the chance for me to correct my previous error of being indecisive: This date, too, asked me if I wanted to stay or find another place. I made the same error...I said uh, and said I'd leave it up to her. Not good for dating, but I really wasn't sure! It was in the city, on her turf, and I didn't know the area or what other restaurants would be like. But anyway, perhaps I will handle that properly the next time. Just do something decisively, it doesn't matter as much what that something is.
And so, we made it to the next restaurant. On the way, she mentioned (in reference to her stumbling a little on a word) that she was a little nervous. I thought this was so interesting! Why? Because, as you know, it should seem that *I* would be the nervous one in any social situation, especially on a date. But instead, as in my first 2 meetings, I felt almost zero anxiety and nervousness. (This is probably a good time to point out that this is the "I love you too" girl from match.com, so presumably she was quite interested in me, at least from the get-go.
We ate, and talked. She was very talkative, and so there was never an awkward silence, and we never ran out of things to talk about. The same happened on my first 2 meetings...I find this result to be interesting, because quantity of conversation was one of the main concerns that I had going ino this stuff.
So was this an unbelievably amazing breakthrough? Not really....but why not? We talked plenty, but I was still inhibited. Kind of like in Stiff Mode...I just wasn't the same super duper neat-o guy that I am talking to my close friend and family. Hard to describe, but chances are you know what I mean if you're reading this blog. I would say the inhibition level was about the same as on my 1st date, and a bit higher than on my first (platonic) meeting.
That said, it still went "pretty well," which is what I expected of all of these things going in. By the way, was I interested in the girl? Yeah, I liked her...I would like to see her again, but I won't trip out this time if I run into another Friends Speech.
We were together for a total of about 90 minutes. When we left, I this time was sure to offer to take her home. She declined, and I asked if she was sure....so then I let it go, which I think was okay. We hugged, and she said it was good meeting you, and "I'll talk to you later?" Yeah, with the question mark. I'm not sure what this means...maybe she's still interested and not sure if I was? Lets hope so. I would like to actually go on a 2nd date when I have the chance, because with more depth, maybe I could start to get comfortable with someone and start to be more like myself around them.
So here is the list of things that were successful:
1. Low anxiety level. In fact, remarkably low considering the situation.
2. General comfort level. I was pretty darn comfortable the whole time. To the point that afterwards, it didn't seem like a big deal AT ALL. This time I had only talked to my date on the phone for 27 minutes prior, so now we know that isn't a big factor.
3. Conversation. My date did most of the work, but as usual, I had way more than enough questions. There were so many things I had in mind that I didn't get to, it was kind of unreal. I was too inhibited to ask some of the fun questions, though....
4. Confidence. I wasn't self-consicous. Period.
And here's the list of things that I need to work on:
1. Talking about myself. Like on the first date, I was a bit awkward talking about myself, and describing things in general. I also did very little of it, so I need to work on the quality and quantity. (I copied and pasted this from the first date results...argh!)
2. Inhibition!!!! When I came home and spoke to those close to me, it was TOTALLY different! The word inhibition describes it perfectly, so I won't dwell on it. I'll let you know when I figure out how to improve this, if there's anything other than just doing these social gigs a ton.
3. Saying "uh" too much.
And specific dating things I missed, outside the scope of the mission:
1. Compliment. I would have liked to have tried complimenting my date on something. I noticed she had beautiful nails, but I missed mentioning it, probably due to inhibition. At least I will have that to say if there's a second date.
2. Having weekend plans. When in a non-platonic situation, I should ALWAYS have an answer to what my weekend plans are. I said I didn't really have anything planned yet, but wow, I had a couple of good things I could have mentioned.
And so, I am making progress. I will try to have a good conversation when I call her for the post-mortem, and hopefully this time there will be a second date.
Finally, I decided that I should go for MASS, ridiculous volume (a date every night!) with these things, because they're just too short if there's no 2nd date. I need all the experience I can possibly get. When I got home I saw that another girl had e-mailed me her phone number....sweet....keep the ball rolling.
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