Gearing Up

Well, today I chatted on the phone with my best friend for a little while. After about 15 minutes I thought about it...no anxiety, no inhibition, never really had to think about what to say....just relaxed and fun. How amazing would it be to have that with everyone? Or even just a few other people. Anyway, I'm getting close to being able to try some things and actually start on that socialize-as-much-as-possible plan. So in this post, I am going to list some of the things that I am trying, as far as mindset goes, as I proceed.

1) Being positive, embracing possibilities of success. Basically I am expecting success going into anything I do with this, in spite of all of the past difficulties. Going into things expecting them to instead be difficult or not go well, even just starting out, can't possibly help. Just think about it...in the situations you're fine in, you certainly don't have any such negative expectations. We want to mimick those good situations as closely as possible. Now, IF anything *doesn't* go well, we will still be fine, *then* recognizing that result is perfectly normal starting out, and just brushing it off accordingly.
* Update: Thought about this some more, and I've decided the way to go is to work on being as confident and positive as possible doing everything, not just this stuff. It will take some time, but by doing this, I think I can re-train my brain to make confident feelings (instead of anxiety) the default reaction to things. I'm already confident in a lot of other areas, so for me it will just be sort of an expansion. One important thing to realize is that in social situations, there's nothing to be negative or unconfident about. Certainly you *can* do just fine, as evidenced by your experiences with family or whoever it's normal with. The problem is, there have been so many poor experiences (or just a lack of good experience) with others that negative expectations automatically arise, rather than positive ones. This all comes back to what I just said about the need to re-train your mind to think positively.

2) Not avoiding opportunities. I've found myself being avoidant quite a bit starting out, for fear or whatever reason. With #1, there's no reason to fear anything. There will still be passing thoughts/feelings of doubt, however. When I have these, instead of running away, I go in the opposite direction and do even more to work on this stuff.

3) Relaxing in social situations. Simple stuff...eliminate or at least minimize any self-conscious thoughts. Instead of worrying about what the other people are thinking, or about your flaws, or even about what to say next, just focus passively on the conversation.

4) Being patient. I'm in this for the long haul. Being impatient would just lead to discouragement, which would hinder progress.