Evaporation
In this rollercoaster ride of a mission, it's been more down than up so far. This is one of those "down" times.
I knew not to take anything for granted. But still, with the last girl I wrote about, I'd become extremely hopeful about the possibilities. It was virtually flawless - I was actually comfortable with her. Even when I'd felt a little anxious for hours before calling her, I immediately felt calm when I heard her voice. For whatever reason, she was like an instant shot of confidence for me. And she seemed to have become very relaxed, comfortable, and happy with me, especially compared to on our first date.
I knew that I was on the brink of a breakthrough here. This was better than ever, and I figured it would give me enormous confidence going into the other activities that I never cease.
She seemed so interested, initiating communication via text messages and getting back to me immediately when she missed a call.
What could go wrong?
I don't know what went wrong, but something did. We had a tentative third date set for Sunday (she suggested Saturday, but I already had plans), but then she never got back to me. I sent her a text message 2 days ago - no response.
Now, that's about as much about this as I have to say. The last time I was in a similar situation (September), I wrote a ton of stuff in the blog about it. It was so bad that I won't even hyperlink the posts up again. I just want to put it behind me: I won't let this become a blog about a dopey, mopey guy having trouble with the ladies.
Long story short: Before long, I started to feel pretty down again. I had been on the brink of a major mission breakthrough. And these good romantic things are so few and far between! How it could evaporate so suddenly, I could not understand. Baffling. Mind-boggling to the point where I started to wonder: had she accidentally discovered this crazy blog?! Had her family forbade her to see me? Probably not, but I didn't have any better ideas.
Now, in the September episode of which I will not speak, I learned not to jump to conclusions. So this afternoon I decided to stop thinking about it so much, and figured maybe I will send an e-mail at the end of the week (to ask if she's alright!), and that will probably be the end of this.
Forward, March
I actually already had another first-date lined up for this Wednesday night. And now another one for Thursday night. These blind things from dating sites I'm always writing about.....they're no comparison to a second- or third-date. But they're good practice, and I have to keep moving forward. It seems that I have made a lot of progress up to this point, but.... I'm a little concerned that this latest episode will hurt me in the confidence department. Nonetheless, I'll try to relax, be myself, and give it a shot Wednesday and Thursday at Starbucks.
I noticed today something a bit disturbing. As I mentioned several times before, I'd had this great vision of the social experience of my new job being way more important than the money they pay me. But so far, I've made close to zero progress there. I've just adapted, doing just enough socially (which is very, very little in my line of work) to get by. Basically, no different than the school situation I described over six months ago when I started this quest. Sadly (very sadly), there are some days at work when I can literally count the words I've spoken the entire day. I go out to lunch (alone) 4 days a week because I wouldn't be comfortable eating in the break room with coworkers. This is totally unaccceptable - I don't know what I'm going to do in that area yet, but I promise to turn it around.
In this rollercoaster ride of a mission, it's been more down than up so far. This is one of those "down" times.
I knew not to take anything for granted. But still, with the last girl I wrote about, I'd become extremely hopeful about the possibilities. It was virtually flawless - I was actually comfortable with her. Even when I'd felt a little anxious for hours before calling her, I immediately felt calm when I heard her voice. For whatever reason, she was like an instant shot of confidence for me. And she seemed to have become very relaxed, comfortable, and happy with me, especially compared to on our first date.
I knew that I was on the brink of a breakthrough here. This was better than ever, and I figured it would give me enormous confidence going into the other activities that I never cease.
She seemed so interested, initiating communication via text messages and getting back to me immediately when she missed a call.
What could go wrong?
I don't know what went wrong, but something did. We had a tentative third date set for Sunday (she suggested Saturday, but I already had plans), but then she never got back to me. I sent her a text message 2 days ago - no response.
Now, that's about as much about this as I have to say. The last time I was in a similar situation (September), I wrote a ton of stuff in the blog about it. It was so bad that I won't even hyperlink the posts up again. I just want to put it behind me: I won't let this become a blog about a dopey, mopey guy having trouble with the ladies.
Long story short: Before long, I started to feel pretty down again. I had been on the brink of a major mission breakthrough. And these good romantic things are so few and far between! How it could evaporate so suddenly, I could not understand. Baffling. Mind-boggling to the point where I started to wonder: had she accidentally discovered this crazy blog?! Had her family forbade her to see me? Probably not, but I didn't have any better ideas.
Now, in the September episode of which I will not speak, I learned not to jump to conclusions. So this afternoon I decided to stop thinking about it so much, and figured maybe I will send an e-mail at the end of the week (to ask if she's alright!), and that will probably be the end of this.
Forward, March
I actually already had another first-date lined up for this Wednesday night. And now another one for Thursday night. These blind things from dating sites I'm always writing about.....they're no comparison to a second- or third-date. But they're good practice, and I have to keep moving forward. It seems that I have made a lot of progress up to this point, but.... I'm a little concerned that this latest episode will hurt me in the confidence department. Nonetheless, I'll try to relax, be myself, and give it a shot Wednesday and Thursday at Starbucks.
I noticed today something a bit disturbing. As I mentioned several times before, I'd had this great vision of the social experience of my new job being way more important than the money they pay me. But so far, I've made close to zero progress there. I've just adapted, doing just enough socially (which is very, very little in my line of work) to get by. Basically, no different than the school situation I described over six months ago when I started this quest. Sadly (very sadly), there are some days at work when I can literally count the words I've spoken the entire day. I go out to lunch (alone) 4 days a week because I wouldn't be comfortable eating in the break room with coworkers. This is totally unaccceptable - I don't know what I'm going to do in that area yet, but I promise to turn it around.
2 comments:
hey, it's me again. the shy girl who left comments on some of your past entries and commented on your kissing mission. i decided to start using a nickname instead of posting comments under just 'anonymous'.
i'm so sorry about your date not getting back to you. i'm sure she has a good reason for it and will get in touch with you sooner or later. also, i can totally relate to your job problem. i myself just graduated from college and am about to start a job working with young kids where i won't really have much contact with adults. in school, i didn't exactly have a large social circle, but by my last year of school i had managed to make several acquaintances who i had enough of a rapport going with to get myself through the days. now that i'm starting this job i'm afraid i'll be very socially isolated and lonely, like i was in my first few years of college. i'm terrified. well, let's see what happens.
but back to you...just out of curiosity, why don't you want to eat with your coworkers in the lunch room? are you afraid you won't be able to join in in the conversations? how about if you were to work on getting to know one or two of your coworkers one on one, like you talked about doing in one of your earlier entries...that way if you know one of your coworkers even just enough to share a brief conversation, you could maybe sit next to them in the lunch room, try talking to them, but also maybe just throw in a brief comment or two to the larger conversation between everyone. again, i know how hard this is. i have a very tough time trying to get into the conversation when i'm sitting with a group of people who i don't know well, but who all know each other well.
hang in there...and keep up the blogging! :) it helps me feel like i'm not completely pathetic for being shy and awkward in social situations.
Hey, it's good to hear from you! Your job dilemma is an interesting one...I guess in that case, the problem isn't being comfortable with other people - the problem is that there aren't other people your age there to begin with. Have you ever tried any clubs or something like that? I wrote about that a long time ago, but have only dabbled with it so far.
I actually eat with them every Thursday when we have a company lunch. I made a conscious effort, and did pretty well today. I did what I do on the dates - came with a few topics in mind. And I managed to comment on a few things they said, so it was about as good as ever. I feel a lot more comfortable with the group in general (mostly from seeing them all the time), so hopefully I can build on all of that.
Hmmm..I should make a real entry about stuff like this later, but my strategy was to start by asking a general question to the group. "So do you guys have any weekend plans?" Then they talk a bit (gives a chance for obvious follow-up questions). When they ask me the reciprocal question, I have something in mind to say. And it leads to another topic (in this case, the movie Cloverfield).
ANYWAY! Back to my dilemma. I am SO FRUSTRATED!! So incredibly frustrated!!!! ARGH!!!
Honestly, it's not a "kissing mission" although that was a funny phrase you came up with. I took your advice, and look where it got me! I'm starting to think now that maybe this girl lost interest because I didn't kiss her. I don't know...maybe not, it doesn't really make sense how she changed her mind after offering a Saturday date. But I don't think trying to kiss her after 2 dates could have hurt.
Argh :( Amazing, 6 months of hardcore effort and still no girlfriend. I am starting to second-guess everything I do (in dating) now.
Oh well...winners never quit, and quitters never win.
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