Only three days after the previous one, I went on my sixteenth date today. Great! I'm really piling up the experience here.
I was going to be meeting up at Starbucks, at 3:00, with a girl from eHarmony. A girl from eHarmony, who had initiated communication. This would be especially interesting, since eHarmony matches are supposedly just that - matches. And because the girls on that site tend to be more serious about finding someone special, and because she'd been the initiator.
My phone rang around 2:40. I saw her name on the caller ID. We had never spoken - only sent messages. Without forethought, I answered the phone. And so it began.
We exchanged greetings, and she told me she was running late. We talked for a couple minutes, and, I was comfortable! My voice was completely in gear. I felt positive, relaxed, and confident. We hadn't yet met, but wow - I liked the way she sounded!
After a little while, she called back. She was lost, and I worked on talking her through the rest of the commute to Starbucks. I continued to be myself on the phone, sounding and feeling good. But would this continue once I actually saw her in the flesh?
Finally, she arrived. I wasn't sure what to expect - she had only a single photo online, in which she was barely smiling.. But I had decided early on to follow through and at least meet her, if for no other reason than practice.
She got out of the car. Wow. What a pretty girl! A pleasant surprise.
She hugged me, and introduced herself. The hug was something new for me - she sort of briskly rubbed my back at the same time. We were off to a good start.
I had firmly in mind one of the lessons from a few days ago, listed in the last post. I was going to stay "present" with her. No matter what, I wouldn't let myself get distracted again.
We walked into Starbucks, ordered, and talked a little while waiting. I made a tiny mistake, asking her something that was obvious, but I remembered to stay "present" and just mentally shrugged it off. I was going to move on instead of worrying about it. There was another tiny incident involving a straw (ha ha), and I once again quickly shifted my focus instead of analyzing it.
And so, I was once again sitting at a table in Starbucks, with nothing in front of me except a girl and a vanilla bean frappuccino.
I started going through the usual stuff. Conversation topics. My voice was clear, and I felt pretty good. I knew I sounded confident.
After a few minutes, I was thinking to myself: I really like this girl. Wow!
Aside from being very attractive, what was this girl like? Well, she was shy! Or so I think. From the very start, she looked down and to the side a lot. She looked down and to the side, instead of looking at me. Classic shy person behavior, even though it's one of the few problems I actually don't have (I'll look ya straight in the eye, every time!).
Maybe she liked me, and was just a bit nervous, just meeting me for the first time. After all, she had probably never met anyone from the Internet, while I'd already been on 10 other blind dates. These shindigs are becoming a part of my standard routine!
This date of mine seemed shy, but like every other person I've met on the mission, she did plenty of talking. As usual, I was rattling off questions. Oddly enough, my date didn't ask me many questions at all. Just like the other girl from eHarmony that I went out with four times. They both asked a few things, but so little that the conversation seemed like I was the interviewer and they were the interviewee. It would have helped if this girl had asked me some reciprocal (i.e., "how about you?") questions after I asked about school, work, and hobbies. I would have had something to contribute on those topics, but I couldn't figure out how to bring them up since she didn't ask.
I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything to lower her interest in me that early, so I figured that wasn't the reason she didn't inquire more about me. I have no idea, really - maybe asking questions is just natural for me, and not for some people.
We had some silences, with her acting a little nervous, looking down and to the side. Each time, I restarted the conversation after a few moments, and it wasn't bad. I'd lost track of time, but at the start of a silence following some laughter (there was plenty, by the way), I decided to end it on a high note. I walked her to her car, and used some scenery to trigger one final conversation topic from memory (pets).
I had done well the whole way through. One of the best dates ever (in terms of my success in being myself), and so far, I liked this girl a lot.
Continuing to sound like a confident, in-control guy, I told her I was glad she made it out. She said "I had a good time." And I said "See ya."
Will I soon be going on just my third second-date ever? In my experience so far, the girl usually initiates some sort of follow-up if she's still interested after the date.
Today, I received such a follow-up message in record time.
Keeping in mind that I never told this girl to let me know when she got home (although that would have been nice), check out the text message I got 40 minutes or so later:
"Ok im home. I hope you made it safe also. It was good to see you."
And so, I don't take anything for granted, but lets tentatively call it a success. I would love to see her again, and hopefully will soon. And I'm going to keep getting as much practice in as I can, everywhere I can. Hopefully I can build on this whole being-myself thing with her, and make it consistent like it's become with the one platonic friend I've made along the way here.
A few thoughts to be integrated into the Master Plan:
1. Contribute. Since this girl wasn't asking me many questions, I started to think of ways to contribute to the conversation other than asking and answering questions. The elaboration I mentioned last post is one idea. Another is to try to contribute part of your own knowledge to something your companion is saying. When they're telling you something, don't wait for them to ask a question! Just think briefly about how what they're saying relates to something you know about, and throw it out there. That's probably what people normally do - I will study this a bit.
2. Thoughts on interest. On date #15, I was completely uninterested in the girl, and did horribly. Today, I was very attracted to and interested in my date, and I did wonderfully. So scratch all of my previous ramblings about needing to not care in order to be comfortable. I just need to remember to not dwell too much or obsess over these things - a potential pitfall after meeting a new love-interest. Overdoing it can probably produce some added anxiety.
That's pretty much it, for now. A final, general observation is that things are great right now. I have other things in the works, which will hopefully translate into more good news to report. It's interesting how things were so bleak and slow just weeks ago, while now, after a few downs and some persistence, things are looking way up again. I haven't been significantly discouraged in quite a while now, and I'm starting to feel like I may actually complete this mission in 2008.
I was going to be meeting up at Starbucks, at 3:00, with a girl from eHarmony. A girl from eHarmony, who had initiated communication. This would be especially interesting, since eHarmony matches are supposedly just that - matches. And because the girls on that site tend to be more serious about finding someone special, and because she'd been the initiator.
My phone rang around 2:40. I saw her name on the caller ID. We had never spoken - only sent messages. Without forethought, I answered the phone. And so it began.
We exchanged greetings, and she told me she was running late. We talked for a couple minutes, and, I was comfortable! My voice was completely in gear. I felt positive, relaxed, and confident. We hadn't yet met, but wow - I liked the way she sounded!
After a little while, she called back. She was lost, and I worked on talking her through the rest of the commute to Starbucks. I continued to be myself on the phone, sounding and feeling good. But would this continue once I actually saw her in the flesh?
Finally, she arrived. I wasn't sure what to expect - she had only a single photo online, in which she was barely smiling.. But I had decided early on to follow through and at least meet her, if for no other reason than practice.
She got out of the car. Wow. What a pretty girl! A pleasant surprise.
She hugged me, and introduced herself. The hug was something new for me - she sort of briskly rubbed my back at the same time. We were off to a good start.
I had firmly in mind one of the lessons from a few days ago, listed in the last post. I was going to stay "present" with her. No matter what, I wouldn't let myself get distracted again.
We walked into Starbucks, ordered, and talked a little while waiting. I made a tiny mistake, asking her something that was obvious, but I remembered to stay "present" and just mentally shrugged it off. I was going to move on instead of worrying about it. There was another tiny incident involving a straw (ha ha), and I once again quickly shifted my focus instead of analyzing it.
And so, I was once again sitting at a table in Starbucks, with nothing in front of me except a girl and a vanilla bean frappuccino.
I started going through the usual stuff. Conversation topics. My voice was clear, and I felt pretty good. I knew I sounded confident.
After a few minutes, I was thinking to myself: I really like this girl. Wow!
Aside from being very attractive, what was this girl like? Well, she was shy! Or so I think. From the very start, she looked down and to the side a lot. She looked down and to the side, instead of looking at me. Classic shy person behavior, even though it's one of the few problems I actually don't have (I'll look ya straight in the eye, every time!).
Maybe she liked me, and was just a bit nervous, just meeting me for the first time. After all, she had probably never met anyone from the Internet, while I'd already been on 10 other blind dates. These shindigs are becoming a part of my standard routine!
This date of mine seemed shy, but like every other person I've met on the mission, she did plenty of talking. As usual, I was rattling off questions. Oddly enough, my date didn't ask me many questions at all. Just like the other girl from eHarmony that I went out with four times. They both asked a few things, but so little that the conversation seemed like I was the interviewer and they were the interviewee. It would have helped if this girl had asked me some reciprocal (i.e., "how about you?") questions after I asked about school, work, and hobbies. I would have had something to contribute on those topics, but I couldn't figure out how to bring them up since she didn't ask.
I was pretty sure I hadn't done anything to lower her interest in me that early, so I figured that wasn't the reason she didn't inquire more about me. I have no idea, really - maybe asking questions is just natural for me, and not for some people.
We had some silences, with her acting a little nervous, looking down and to the side. Each time, I restarted the conversation after a few moments, and it wasn't bad. I'd lost track of time, but at the start of a silence following some laughter (there was plenty, by the way), I decided to end it on a high note. I walked her to her car, and used some scenery to trigger one final conversation topic from memory (pets).
I had done well the whole way through. One of the best dates ever (in terms of my success in being myself), and so far, I liked this girl a lot.
Continuing to sound like a confident, in-control guy, I told her I was glad she made it out. She said "I had a good time." And I said "See ya."
Will I soon be going on just my third second-date ever? In my experience so far, the girl usually initiates some sort of follow-up if she's still interested after the date.
Today, I received such a follow-up message in record time.
Keeping in mind that I never told this girl to let me know when she got home (although that would have been nice), check out the text message I got 40 minutes or so later:
"Ok im home. I hope you made it safe also. It was good to see you."
And so, I don't take anything for granted, but lets tentatively call it a success. I would love to see her again, and hopefully will soon. And I'm going to keep getting as much practice in as I can, everywhere I can. Hopefully I can build on this whole being-myself thing with her, and make it consistent like it's become with the one platonic friend I've made along the way here.
A few thoughts to be integrated into the Master Plan:
1. Contribute. Since this girl wasn't asking me many questions, I started to think of ways to contribute to the conversation other than asking and answering questions. The elaboration I mentioned last post is one idea. Another is to try to contribute part of your own knowledge to something your companion is saying. When they're telling you something, don't wait for them to ask a question! Just think briefly about how what they're saying relates to something you know about, and throw it out there. That's probably what people normally do - I will study this a bit.
2. Thoughts on interest. On date #15, I was completely uninterested in the girl, and did horribly. Today, I was very attracted to and interested in my date, and I did wonderfully. So scratch all of my previous ramblings about needing to not care in order to be comfortable. I just need to remember to not dwell too much or obsess over these things - a potential pitfall after meeting a new love-interest. Overdoing it can probably produce some added anxiety.
That's pretty much it, for now. A final, general observation is that things are great right now. I have other things in the works, which will hopefully translate into more good news to report. It's interesting how things were so bleak and slow just weeks ago, while now, after a few downs and some persistence, things are looking way up again. I haven't been significantly discouraged in quite a while now, and I'm starting to feel like I may actually complete this mission in 2008.
2 comments:
hey, just dropping by to tell you about some comic strip I found here.
happy new year, btw.
Happy New Year!
That comic was great. It was funny, I guess, but the point it made was a darn good one. I thought about it when I started to get mentally distracted on a date today... :)
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