Well, tonight is one of those nights. One of those nights when I'm exhausted, and it's way past my bedtime, but there is just too much that has gone on with my mission for me to wait any longer before telling you about it.
Thursday night was the office holiday party. I hadn't really become comfortable with my coworkers yet, so I was a little anxious about it. It was after work, so my attendance was optional. But I didn't give myself a choice - it was a good opportunity to work on some things, so I had to go.
So I started looking forward to it. I thought it would be great if I could relax, be comfortable, and converse with my colleagues. Meet tons of new people, and even make a couple of friends.
But alas - when the time came, I squandered the opportunity.
I was a little awkward, being the new guy and not knowing many people. I did okay with that though - I followed my manager around a bit so he could introduce me. Stuff like that. Nothing to really go into here, because I just did the normal stuff that I could handle before I even started this blog.
How did I blow it, then? I was stuck inside my head all night. I became woefully distracted by my own thoughts. All kinds of worries and ruminations. This took me out of the game big time. With my focus shifted internally, I spent most of my time just standing or sitting and smiling, rather than being able to get past a surface level of involvement in conversations.
There isn't much more to say - that was the problem this time, plain and simple. The bottom line is that I need to avoid focusing on anything internal (which means not worrying, for one) when I am in these situations. I should instead be relaxed and attentive to my surroundings, allowing me to more easily converse with others. A little more on this later when I summarize it for the Master Plan entry.
And so, I was determined to never again make the mistake of getting "stuck in my head" during some social event. I found some comfort in knowing that I would have the chance to make up for it, since I would be seeing my coworkers for 40 hours a week for possibly years anyway. Going to the party was a success nonetheless (as is everything you try along the road to overcoming shyness). In particular, I at least became familiar enough with many of my coworkers to be a lot more comfortable later if I want to randomly drop by a cubicle and say, "What's up?" There is now some rapport between us.
The office party really made me feel as if I hadn't made any progress since starting this mission. That, of course, was false. I've made an enormous amount of progress - Thursday was just an off night. But I was determined to demonstrate by doing something else very soon.
So I decided to try to go for another 1-on-1 platonic over the weekend. I sent a text message to my friend from craig's list. She hadn't responded to the last e-mail I'd sent over a week ago. I decided I'd come too far with her to let her drop out. It seemed like she had become a stable friend, but I wanted to make sure.
I suggested we go to Dave & Busters (they have food, a sports bar, and tons of games), and she agreed. Great! I still have two friends.
Dave & Busters is an awesome place for a date, or for hanging out with friends, whatever. I really can't think of any place better. But at any rate, it was more of the same. I was completely myself with this friend of mine. We met first 4 months ago today, and this was our fifth outing together. Really, the first time we met was pretty good. But since then, I've been completely on target. 100% myself. When I'm with her, I'm relaxed, comfortable, confident, and every other positive adjective you can think of. There's no inhibition. I don't have to think about what to say. I don't have to think about forcing myself to say something that comes to mind. It's just natural. I teased, joked, and bragged all night long. There were only a few moments where I even became consciously aware of how uninhibited I was, since I was instead just having a good time instead of focusing on anything internally.
I will think about everything that makes me so comfortable with this one person, and integrate it into the Master Plan running entry soon. But for now, I have one more side-story.
There's a very pretty, very fun girl that I went to school with. Let's call her Kris.
The last class I had with Kris ended about 2 months before I even started this blog. Back then, though, I was super interested in Kris, and spent much of the semester thinking about asking her out or whatever. Well, needless to say, I never came close to actually doing that, in my pre-mission life. One day though, after I got this thing going, I added her as a friend on facebook. It was one of those days when I was feeling a little crazy - I thought what the hell? Maybe she was interested and I could go on a date with her. After all, I had now actually been on a few, and could handle some basics.
But facebook revealed that she now had a boyfriend.
I'm rambling. What I really want to say is that, by chance, I saw her in the mall with her new boyfriend one day over the summer. The mall isn't even near our alma mater, so it was no small coincidence.
They were walking behind me, and I looked back a few times. But I became very anxious and didn't stop to initiate, or otherwise say anything.
Now, I hardly ever run into anyone I know (since I obviously know so few people). But amazingly, I ran into this same couple once again at a fondue restaurant. They walked by me, but I this time I didn't say anything because A) I was with my family and thought that would make me even more uncomfortable and B) I thought it would be awkward since we didn't speak to each other the last time at the mall.
I was pretty mad at myself both times for not speaking to them. How could I fail so miserably? How could I fail so miserably, after running this blog for several months, and supposedly making so much progress? If only I could have one more chance..........
And, amazingly, I got that chance tonight. I was conversing with my new friend at Dave & Busters, and I saw them again. Unbelievable. There was no way I was going to take strike 3. They walked by, and I interrupted my current conversation, shouting, "Hey Kris!" She came over, and we talked. It was great! I really enjoyed it. I had suffered a panicky sort of little anxiety attack when I first saw them, but I had calmed down. I was comfortable, confident...everything I was with my friend before they came over. I shook hands with the boyfriend, and continued my cocky-and-funny routine about how great I was at the games.
I mostly just wanted to recap that story. But one tiny, yet potentially critical observation is that the presence of a friend that I'm comfortable with may have been what put me at ease talking to my old classmate/love-interest and her boyfriend. With my other, long-time friend, I've also been comfortable when meeting others with him around. Spanning out friends was always part of the plan, but I haven't really had the opportunity yet. It looks like that could work wonders.
Overall, I'm feeling more confident than ever. I know I need to do these social things for practice, but I'm really enjoying them just for the fun and companionship. I believe that this is a big part of putting me at such ease.
Things are great. Thanks to eHarmony and match.com, it looks like I will also still be able to line up plenty of dates in the coming days, for more experience and fun. And for Monday, I've arranged another second-chance opportunity with another pre-mission acquaintance. I'll tell that story a bit later.
Thursday night was the office holiday party. I hadn't really become comfortable with my coworkers yet, so I was a little anxious about it. It was after work, so my attendance was optional. But I didn't give myself a choice - it was a good opportunity to work on some things, so I had to go.
So I started looking forward to it. I thought it would be great if I could relax, be comfortable, and converse with my colleagues. Meet tons of new people, and even make a couple of friends.
But alas - when the time came, I squandered the opportunity.
I was a little awkward, being the new guy and not knowing many people. I did okay with that though - I followed my manager around a bit so he could introduce me. Stuff like that. Nothing to really go into here, because I just did the normal stuff that I could handle before I even started this blog.
How did I blow it, then? I was stuck inside my head all night. I became woefully distracted by my own thoughts. All kinds of worries and ruminations. This took me out of the game big time. With my focus shifted internally, I spent most of my time just standing or sitting and smiling, rather than being able to get past a surface level of involvement in conversations.
There isn't much more to say - that was the problem this time, plain and simple. The bottom line is that I need to avoid focusing on anything internal (which means not worrying, for one) when I am in these situations. I should instead be relaxed and attentive to my surroundings, allowing me to more easily converse with others. A little more on this later when I summarize it for the Master Plan entry.
And so, I was determined to never again make the mistake of getting "stuck in my head" during some social event. I found some comfort in knowing that I would have the chance to make up for it, since I would be seeing my coworkers for 40 hours a week for possibly years anyway. Going to the party was a success nonetheless (as is everything you try along the road to overcoming shyness). In particular, I at least became familiar enough with many of my coworkers to be a lot more comfortable later if I want to randomly drop by a cubicle and say, "What's up?" There is now some rapport between us.
The office party really made me feel as if I hadn't made any progress since starting this mission. That, of course, was false. I've made an enormous amount of progress - Thursday was just an off night. But I was determined to demonstrate by doing something else very soon.
So I decided to try to go for another 1-on-1 platonic over the weekend. I sent a text message to my friend from craig's list. She hadn't responded to the last e-mail I'd sent over a week ago. I decided I'd come too far with her to let her drop out. It seemed like she had become a stable friend, but I wanted to make sure.
I suggested we go to Dave & Busters (they have food, a sports bar, and tons of games), and she agreed. Great! I still have two friends.
Dave & Busters is an awesome place for a date, or for hanging out with friends, whatever. I really can't think of any place better. But at any rate, it was more of the same. I was completely myself with this friend of mine. We met first 4 months ago today, and this was our fifth outing together. Really, the first time we met was pretty good. But since then, I've been completely on target. 100% myself. When I'm with her, I'm relaxed, comfortable, confident, and every other positive adjective you can think of. There's no inhibition. I don't have to think about what to say. I don't have to think about forcing myself to say something that comes to mind. It's just natural. I teased, joked, and bragged all night long. There were only a few moments where I even became consciously aware of how uninhibited I was, since I was instead just having a good time instead of focusing on anything internally.
I will think about everything that makes me so comfortable with this one person, and integrate it into the Master Plan running entry soon. But for now, I have one more side-story.
There's a very pretty, very fun girl that I went to school with. Let's call her Kris.
The last class I had with Kris ended about 2 months before I even started this blog. Back then, though, I was super interested in Kris, and spent much of the semester thinking about asking her out or whatever. Well, needless to say, I never came close to actually doing that, in my pre-mission life. One day though, after I got this thing going, I added her as a friend on facebook. It was one of those days when I was feeling a little crazy - I thought what the hell? Maybe she was interested and I could go on a date with her. After all, I had now actually been on a few, and could handle some basics.
But facebook revealed that she now had a boyfriend.
I'm rambling. What I really want to say is that, by chance, I saw her in the mall with her new boyfriend one day over the summer. The mall isn't even near our alma mater, so it was no small coincidence.
They were walking behind me, and I looked back a few times. But I became very anxious and didn't stop to initiate, or otherwise say anything.
Now, I hardly ever run into anyone I know (since I obviously know so few people). But amazingly, I ran into this same couple once again at a fondue restaurant. They walked by me, but I this time I didn't say anything because A) I was with my family and thought that would make me even more uncomfortable and B) I thought it would be awkward since we didn't speak to each other the last time at the mall.
I was pretty mad at myself both times for not speaking to them. How could I fail so miserably? How could I fail so miserably, after running this blog for several months, and supposedly making so much progress? If only I could have one more chance..........
And, amazingly, I got that chance tonight. I was conversing with my new friend at Dave & Busters, and I saw them again. Unbelievable. There was no way I was going to take strike 3. They walked by, and I interrupted my current conversation, shouting, "Hey Kris!" She came over, and we talked. It was great! I really enjoyed it. I had suffered a panicky sort of little anxiety attack when I first saw them, but I had calmed down. I was comfortable, confident...everything I was with my friend before they came over. I shook hands with the boyfriend, and continued my cocky-and-funny routine about how great I was at the games.
I mostly just wanted to recap that story. But one tiny, yet potentially critical observation is that the presence of a friend that I'm comfortable with may have been what put me at ease talking to my old classmate/love-interest and her boyfriend. With my other, long-time friend, I've also been comfortable when meeting others with him around. Spanning out friends was always part of the plan, but I haven't really had the opportunity yet. It looks like that could work wonders.
Overall, I'm feeling more confident than ever. I know I need to do these social things for practice, but I'm really enjoying them just for the fun and companionship. I believe that this is a big part of putting me at such ease.
Things are great. Thanks to eHarmony and match.com, it looks like I will also still be able to line up plenty of dates in the coming days, for more experience and fun. And for Monday, I've arranged another second-chance opportunity with another pre-mission acquaintance. I'll tell that story a bit later.
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