I am pretty sure that I am the most frustrated human being on the planet right now. My head feels like it's going to explode! I don't know what to do, so I will write a blog entry. I'm probably just going to ramble, so you've been warned.....
Tonight I went out on my first second-date ever. I was quite anxious in the days leading up to this one, all the way until the time I got in the car to head out for it.
In particular, one thing I was anxious about was picking up my date. I had never driven anywhere with a girl, and it's probably been over a year since I've driven with anyone, even family, in the car. I am a pretty good driver, but I was afraid of something embarrassing happening on the road...anything, like someone blowing their horn at me, or stopping suddenly...anything. I kept worrying about little things being awkward, like putting my hand behind the passenger seat when backing up. Plus, this date's venue was in a downtown area of a city, and I knew that was the one area where I'd had some trouble driving, even alone. Plus, I didn't know the way, so I would be following my navigation system, and figured I might screw up some things with that too. And should I have the radio on? If so, what volume level? Ahhh!
But I eventually decided to just let any thoughts about these things just pass, instead of dwelling on them when they came to mind.
So I went, and I picked up my date at her home. I turned on the nav system, and drove to our venue.....a very popular concert. (I purposely omit a lot of details when I write these things, so that there will be some possibility of not being busted if anyone I know comes across the blog).
It went beautifully. Almost perfectly. I was able to simultaneously keep a conversation going, drive, and follow the nav system's directions without making mistakes. I was even able to find parking, another little thing I'd worried about.
Good news...as I hoped, my comfort level with the girl was higher than before. (This was only the second time I had ever seen the same person twice; and of course, the first person I saw twice was a Platonic). Voice was a little off again, but I didn't have much trouble thinking of things to say - I started with 4 or 5 topics I had in mind going in, and just worked from there.
I was extremely thankful to have made it through the first driving part, which I knew had the biggest potential for problems. So we went to the concert, and I had this thing together...we got there early, I suggested food, and I paid, with no arguments. It was pretty close to perfect.
Didn't talk much during the concert, but I turned and smiled at a few appropriate times.
Fast forward to the end of said concert.... this was going pretty darn well. My date had touched me a couple times, definitely a good sign. She asked me something about family and height, possibly another good sign. And she seemed completely relaxed with me, even with me driving, and talked a lot. Like the first time, we had a few laughs together. And at some point early on she had given me a subtle compliment about my physique. And she had at one point said something about me coming to see her sing sometime. A future? Ahhhh!!!!!! There was virtually no awkwardness! And I was becoming comfortable with her as well, driving and all.
Now one thing I didn't mention is that I had spent a lot of time thinking about this date beforehand, and I was hell-bent on kissing on the second date. The concert was kind of amazing, but I didn't really care about it...I was thinking things more along the lines of, "Come hell or high water, I'm going to walk my date to her door this time (unlike the first of the five dates I've now been on) ."
I thought about kissing her once at a red light on the way back, when I looked over at her and she actually wasn't talking. I wasn't seriously considering it..it was just a passing thought. But I was determined to do it when I dropped her off, which would have been a good time, I thought. I had it all planned out in my mind...I was going to take her hand, look into her eyes, tell her to have a good night, and then just do it!
But I'm obviously an amateur at this stuff. When we got to her place, it was an apartment building, and I pulled up directly in front of the well-lit door. There was very little distance between the car and the front door.....not significant walking distance, and it was in perfect sight.
I couldn't figure out what to do fast enough! Did it make sense to say I was going to walk her to her door, when her door was such a short distance away..?! What if I instead walked her to her apartment unit door inside of the building? Is that out of the norm...would it be too intrusive?! Could I just kiss her here in the car?
So she said something like "Thanks. I had a fun time. I really appreciate it." Wow...I don't know if that's good, bad, or neutral. Not crazy about the "appreciate it" part, but I'm in no position to be analyzing woman-speak. I responded with "Alright" 2 or 3 times, probably not good, but I'm a rookie. (After thinking about it for 2 hours, I think the best response would have been "Alright. It was good seeing you again!")
So I came to the probably-incorrect conclusion that I shouldn't try to walk her to her door...at that moment, I didn't think it would make sense (That is what is KILLING me right now. The conclusion I've come to now is that I should have walked her to her inside, apt. unit door...still not 100% sure though).
What about kissing her in the car? I didn't see the opening...for a second I thought I could do it if she made a move to hug me or something. But she didn't...it seemed like she never even looked in my direction long enough. And then she was working on opening her door, so it was over.
Nooooooooo!!!!! I was screaming for the next half hour on the way home. The first of my five dates had gone well until I blundered at the end, and I had been determined not to do the same thing. This was in my control. But I still managed to screw up the ending!!! If I could have paused things to think about it, I would have been fine. But I couldn't, and I didn't think fast enough, and there are no do-overs.
My fear is that by not kissing on the second date, I will end up in the classic Friends Zone. Plus, even if I manage to get a third date (wouldn't that be amazing?), it seems like I will just have a lot more opportunities to screw something up before I have the chance for another kiss.
And for the record.....I'm starting to really like the girl. In case you're wondering, I met her on eHarmony. (Funny side note...during the concert, they started playing the eHarmony commercial theme song!! I looked at her and we both smiled. If I had kissed her then and there, it would have been like being on the commercial...LOL!!)
Still reading?! Shocking. Ok...where do I go from here? After my fourth date, I redoubled my efforts on match.com, because I had already ended communication with almost everyone on those sites. So now I'm communicating with more girls than ever....I intend to stick to this plan, trying to socialize as much as possible and get comfortable and skilled at these things.
Like I said though, I do like the girl from eHarmony. She's really growing on me, which is probably a bad thing for me. Right now my plan is to do whatever other dates I can this week, but call her (no more e-mails) the day after tomorrow and ask her out again. (Another issue is that I usually consult Google to find out how to proceed in dating, but I haven't yet found anything about what to do after a second date). In doing so I will be fearlessly braving the possibility of another, potentially devastating Friends Speech. So root for me!!!
P.S.
Geez. I wrote this entry to vent, but I really ought to try to put this meeting into perspective with the plan I talked about in the Inhibition post. Well, my inhibition level seemed as low as ever on a date, and almost as low when I went out with the other girl As Friends.
So there were 2 strategies I was supposed to be employing. One of them was just being myself and not trying to impress with anything I said. I stuck to that, but without needing to even think about it. The second thing was "forcing" past my inhibitions anything that I thought about saying or doing. I did that, too, but it didn't seem like a big deal....I just said things quickly when they came to mind instead of overthinking them. So right now it looks like that technique works like a charm....time will tell though, I will keep you informed.
Oh...and the date lasted 5 hours.
Tonight I went out on my first second-date ever. I was quite anxious in the days leading up to this one, all the way until the time I got in the car to head out for it.
In particular, one thing I was anxious about was picking up my date. I had never driven anywhere with a girl, and it's probably been over a year since I've driven with anyone, even family, in the car. I am a pretty good driver, but I was afraid of something embarrassing happening on the road...anything, like someone blowing their horn at me, or stopping suddenly...anything. I kept worrying about little things being awkward, like putting my hand behind the passenger seat when backing up. Plus, this date's venue was in a downtown area of a city, and I knew that was the one area where I'd had some trouble driving, even alone. Plus, I didn't know the way, so I would be following my navigation system, and figured I might screw up some things with that too. And should I have the radio on? If so, what volume level? Ahhh!
But I eventually decided to just let any thoughts about these things just pass, instead of dwelling on them when they came to mind.
So I went, and I picked up my date at her home. I turned on the nav system, and drove to our venue.....a very popular concert. (I purposely omit a lot of details when I write these things, so that there will be some possibility of not being busted if anyone I know comes across the blog).
It went beautifully. Almost perfectly. I was able to simultaneously keep a conversation going, drive, and follow the nav system's directions without making mistakes. I was even able to find parking, another little thing I'd worried about.
Good news...as I hoped, my comfort level with the girl was higher than before. (This was only the second time I had ever seen the same person twice; and of course, the first person I saw twice was a Platonic). Voice was a little off again, but I didn't have much trouble thinking of things to say - I started with 4 or 5 topics I had in mind going in, and just worked from there.
I was extremely thankful to have made it through the first driving part, which I knew had the biggest potential for problems. So we went to the concert, and I had this thing together...we got there early, I suggested food, and I paid, with no arguments. It was pretty close to perfect.
Didn't talk much during the concert, but I turned and smiled at a few appropriate times.
Fast forward to the end of said concert.... this was going pretty darn well. My date had touched me a couple times, definitely a good sign. She asked me something about family and height, possibly another good sign. And she seemed completely relaxed with me, even with me driving, and talked a lot. Like the first time, we had a few laughs together. And at some point early on she had given me a subtle compliment about my physique. And she had at one point said something about me coming to see her sing sometime. A future? Ahhhh!!!!!! There was virtually no awkwardness! And I was becoming comfortable with her as well, driving and all.
Now one thing I didn't mention is that I had spent a lot of time thinking about this date beforehand, and I was hell-bent on kissing on the second date. The concert was kind of amazing, but I didn't really care about it...I was thinking things more along the lines of, "Come hell or high water, I'm going to walk my date to her door this time (unlike the first of the five dates I've now been on) ."
I thought about kissing her once at a red light on the way back, when I looked over at her and she actually wasn't talking. I wasn't seriously considering it..it was just a passing thought. But I was determined to do it when I dropped her off, which would have been a good time, I thought. I had it all planned out in my mind...I was going to take her hand, look into her eyes, tell her to have a good night, and then just do it!
But I'm obviously an amateur at this stuff. When we got to her place, it was an apartment building, and I pulled up directly in front of the well-lit door. There was very little distance between the car and the front door.....not significant walking distance, and it was in perfect sight.
I couldn't figure out what to do fast enough! Did it make sense to say I was going to walk her to her door, when her door was such a short distance away..?! What if I instead walked her to her apartment unit door inside of the building? Is that out of the norm...would it be too intrusive?! Could I just kiss her here in the car?
So she said something like "Thanks. I had a fun time. I really appreciate it." Wow...I don't know if that's good, bad, or neutral. Not crazy about the "appreciate it" part, but I'm in no position to be analyzing woman-speak. I responded with "Alright" 2 or 3 times, probably not good, but I'm a rookie. (After thinking about it for 2 hours, I think the best response would have been "Alright. It was good seeing you again!")
So I came to the probably-incorrect conclusion that I shouldn't try to walk her to her door...at that moment, I didn't think it would make sense (That is what is KILLING me right now. The conclusion I've come to now is that I should have walked her to her inside, apt. unit door...still not 100% sure though).
What about kissing her in the car? I didn't see the opening...for a second I thought I could do it if she made a move to hug me or something. But she didn't...it seemed like she never even looked in my direction long enough. And then she was working on opening her door, so it was over.
Nooooooooo!!!!! I was screaming for the next half hour on the way home. The first of my five dates had gone well until I blundered at the end, and I had been determined not to do the same thing. This was in my control. But I still managed to screw up the ending!!! If I could have paused things to think about it, I would have been fine. But I couldn't, and I didn't think fast enough, and there are no do-overs.
My fear is that by not kissing on the second date, I will end up in the classic Friends Zone. Plus, even if I manage to get a third date (wouldn't that be amazing?), it seems like I will just have a lot more opportunities to screw something up before I have the chance for another kiss.
And for the record.....I'm starting to really like the girl. In case you're wondering, I met her on eHarmony. (Funny side note...during the concert, they started playing the eHarmony commercial theme song!! I looked at her and we both smiled. If I had kissed her then and there, it would have been like being on the commercial...LOL!!)
Still reading?! Shocking. Ok...where do I go from here? After my fourth date, I redoubled my efforts on match.com, because I had already ended communication with almost everyone on those sites. So now I'm communicating with more girls than ever....I intend to stick to this plan, trying to socialize as much as possible and get comfortable and skilled at these things.
Like I said though, I do like the girl from eHarmony. She's really growing on me, which is probably a bad thing for me. Right now my plan is to do whatever other dates I can this week, but call her (no more e-mails) the day after tomorrow and ask her out again. (Another issue is that I usually consult Google to find out how to proceed in dating, but I haven't yet found anything about what to do after a second date). In doing so I will be fearlessly braving the possibility of another, potentially devastating Friends Speech. So root for me!!!
P.S.
Geez. I wrote this entry to vent, but I really ought to try to put this meeting into perspective with the plan I talked about in the Inhibition post. Well, my inhibition level seemed as low as ever on a date, and almost as low when I went out with the other girl As Friends.
So there were 2 strategies I was supposed to be employing. One of them was just being myself and not trying to impress with anything I said. I stuck to that, but without needing to even think about it. The second thing was "forcing" past my inhibitions anything that I thought about saying or doing. I did that, too, but it didn't seem like a big deal....I just said things quickly when they came to mind instead of overthinking them. So right now it looks like that technique works like a charm....time will tell though, I will keep you informed.
Oh...and the date lasted 5 hours.
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