The other day I went in Barnles & Noble to try to find the book The Magic of Believing. It turns out that B&N isn't like Borders - they don't have computers for you to look things up on; you have to ask a sales associate. For a few minutes, I dreaded asking where to find this book. I was so embarrassed thinking of asking for a self-help book that I was ready to drive 15 minutes up the road to go to a Borders. Wow!
That was really bad. Completely irrational - I would never see that sales associate again, and it's not even an embarrassing book to ask for! Crazy, but I came to my senses after a couple minutes. I realized that if I couldn't ask a simple question about a book, this mission had no chance to succeed. So I put back into practice that stuff I talked about before regarding Inhibition, and just did it. Of course, it was fine. As for the book itself...I thought it could be something to help for the mission, or at least something to help me better understand my own intense ambition about this. But after 28 pages, I decided the book was way too ridiculous, and I probably won't read anymore of it.
So, this weekend I should be going on my first second-date ever. This is interesting, because second-dates seem to call for a male to do some things that are very uninhibited. I couldn't quite bring myself to do it the first time, but on a second date, a compliment or three will probably be in order. And, hopefully, a kiss. When I'm still having trouble being uninhibited enough to be myself in mere, basic conversation, how can I possibly handle such things?
On my successful date, I was trying out my second theory, and it seemed to work somewhat well, although I didn't do a great job of carrying it out. I will elaborate on it here, but I won't waste too much of your time on it until I've had a chance to try it out some more and see if it really works consistently:
The Inhibition Solution (Theory #2)
Try to force myself into some uninhibited behavior. Dancing in the streets would work, but starting out, it's easier and good enough to force some comments, questions, jokes, compliments, etc. in conversation. Sometimes things come to mind to say, but I feel too inhibited to say them. The plan is that whenever that happens, defy the inhibition and do it anyway.
The idea is that by force, you have allowed yourself to indeed be yourself, a little more than usual. And these things that you're usually too inhibited to do or say are usually fun, and they certainly are all reflective of you being more open. Those are things that whoever you're talking to will certainly respond to positively. Those positive responses should reinforce the behavior of being yourself, allowing you to eventually be able to do it without needing to force anything.
Now, what I learned the first couple times that I tried this theory is that you don't simply have to use force: you usually have to use brute force! This is simple stuff on paper, but when I've been in social situations, I've felt too much inhibition to say even some simple things, despite my strong will.
It's really a lot like jumping out of a window when you know there's a trampoline to catch you, but you can't see said trampoline. It requires a leap of faith, and some intense willpower in the moment, but you can certainly do it.
The beauty of this approach (in contrast to my original theory of passivity) is that it puts you in complete control, and its success depends on your willpower, rather than your being able to relax yourself into some special, comfortable state of mind.
That was really bad. Completely irrational - I would never see that sales associate again, and it's not even an embarrassing book to ask for! Crazy, but I came to my senses after a couple minutes. I realized that if I couldn't ask a simple question about a book, this mission had no chance to succeed. So I put back into practice that stuff I talked about before regarding Inhibition, and just did it. Of course, it was fine. As for the book itself...I thought it could be something to help for the mission, or at least something to help me better understand my own intense ambition about this. But after 28 pages, I decided the book was way too ridiculous, and I probably won't read anymore of it.
So, this weekend I should be going on my first second-date ever. This is interesting, because second-dates seem to call for a male to do some things that are very uninhibited. I couldn't quite bring myself to do it the first time, but on a second date, a compliment or three will probably be in order. And, hopefully, a kiss. When I'm still having trouble being uninhibited enough to be myself in mere, basic conversation, how can I possibly handle such things?
On my successful date, I was trying out my second theory, and it seemed to work somewhat well, although I didn't do a great job of carrying it out. I will elaborate on it here, but I won't waste too much of your time on it until I've had a chance to try it out some more and see if it really works consistently:
The Inhibition Solution (Theory #2)
Try to force myself into some uninhibited behavior. Dancing in the streets would work, but starting out, it's easier and good enough to force some comments, questions, jokes, compliments, etc. in conversation. Sometimes things come to mind to say, but I feel too inhibited to say them. The plan is that whenever that happens, defy the inhibition and do it anyway.
The idea is that by force, you have allowed yourself to indeed be yourself, a little more than usual. And these things that you're usually too inhibited to do or say are usually fun, and they certainly are all reflective of you being more open. Those are things that whoever you're talking to will certainly respond to positively. Those positive responses should reinforce the behavior of being yourself, allowing you to eventually be able to do it without needing to force anything.
Now, what I learned the first couple times that I tried this theory is that you don't simply have to use force: you usually have to use brute force! This is simple stuff on paper, but when I've been in social situations, I've felt too much inhibition to say even some simple things, despite my strong will.
It's really a lot like jumping out of a window when you know there's a trampoline to catch you, but you can't see said trampoline. It requires a leap of faith, and some intense willpower in the moment, but you can certainly do it.
The beauty of this approach (in contrast to my original theory of passivity) is that it puts you in complete control, and its success depends on your willpower, rather than your being able to relax yourself into some special, comfortable state of mind.
And lastly, just be yourself! Don't try to make yourself seem any more interesting, or anything like that. When other people respond positively to you when you're not making an extra effort, or putting on any kind of show, that will also reinforce your normal, relaxed, uninhibited manner.
I feel good about this theory. Of course, I will be practicing it every chance I get, so I will let you know how well it actually works.
3 comments:
Hey,
I love your blog. I think it's great that you are sharing what you are trying and then what works and what doesn't. This is sure to help others! (myself included :-)
Sorry for the extra comment.
Do you have a RSS feed so I can subscribe to your blog?
Hey! Thanks! Feel free to post a link to your blog if you don't mind other people reading it.
As for the RSS feed, I have to find out how to do it, because I have no idea :) Should be set up sometime this week, I'll let you know.
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