After meeting thirty or so women through eHarmony, I decided to call it quits. For starters, I'd never liked the idea of competing against other guys on the site, who would be presented as matches to any girl I met there. Second, I never saw much in the way of results. After putting in so much time, money, and energy, I hadn't gotten much out. Besides, it was time to move on and demonstrate that I'd progressed enough to get dates out in the real world. Perhaps there I would meet my first girlfriend, and not have to to worry about her being curious enough to meet up with other guys who were purportedly matched with her on 29 dimensions of compatibility.
After 17 months, I cancelled my subscription. I still had a few days left, though, so I continued the guided communication process that I'd begun with a girl named Elissa, who always responded extremely quickly. That seemed lucky, since otherwise my subscription might have run out before we were allowed to send open-ended messages. When I told her to e-mail me because I'd be leaving the site in a few days, she said that was funny, because she was doing the same.
From her very first message, I could tell that she was an unbelievably sweet girl. Her e-mails were replete with exclamation marks and smileys. Whenever it'd been a few days since I'd written, she said, "Good to hear from you!" After a couple weeks, I suggested we meet up at a billiards hall in the city.
I knew that she would be the last girl I'd ever meet in the world of online dating.
________________
I walked over and asked, "What's up?" as we hugged.
We took a table near the entrance and started talking.
"You look nice!"
I'd been on over 50 dates, and it was the first time anyone had complimented my appearance. I told her that she looked nice, too - and did she. Elissa is a contender for the Miss America title, and it couldn't have been more obvious why. In spite of that, she radiated the same sweetness that she showed online, and couldn't have been any more down-to-earth.
I had felt a little anxious in the minutes leading up to our meeting, but now that we had met and begun talking, I was at ease. I had practically nothing prepared in the way of conversation topics, but had so much confidence in my conversation skills that I was sure I wouldn't need any. I asked an obvious question or two that came to mind, and Elissa was just as talkative as she had been over e-mail.
The conversation moved easily from one topic to another, without even a hint of awkwardness. I was at such ease that I had no difficulty discussing her favorite things, even though I knew much less about them; the topic just didn't matter. I've never followed baseball closely, but we had a long discussion about it, with me making plenty of jokes and humorous comments. When I learned that she had a remarkable fondness for Abraham Lincoln, I had even more questions and jokes, even though I only knew a handful of facts about him. When she told me she'd read about 150 books about the 16th President, I leaned back, smiled, wagged my finger, and said something like, "You, my dear, are a scholar!" My relaxed, uninhibited nature was on full display. I asked if she was offended by people throwing away pennies - since they bare Abe Lincoln's image - and she was taken aback. She said I'd been making her think about things she should have thought of before.
Whenever Elissa mentioned something that we had in common, I said "me too," or something to that effect. Over the course of a long conversation, we learned that we had the same view on topics like abortion, the previous President, and Iraq. Her openness in mentioning political stances gave us a chance to find common ground we wouldn't have had any idea about if we had treated the topics as taboo. I told her that she was the first person I'd ever met who agreed with me about Iraq, and gave her a high-five. She mostly missed my hand, and asked to try it again; the second time was a success.
No one in the world could be more open than Elissa was with me. We'd met only within the past hour or two, yet she voluntarily divulged one personal fact after another. She told me four or five things about her life that are so personal I won't repeat them here, even though the blog is anonymous. After hearing the stories, I understood how she could be so down-to-earth and sweet, instead of having developed a huge ego during her days as a beauty pageant contestant.
Eventually, we were discussing dreams (a topic that she brought up naturally, even though it's on my old list of conversation topics), and she mentioned that she has insomnia and needed to take a sleeping pill by 11. I checked the time and told her that it was 10:15. She smiled and said, "Plenty of time!"
It had been obvious that we were both enjoying ourselves, but that comment confirmed it. Soon, her roommate, who had been at a restaurant next door, came over to our table, hugged Elissa, and apologized. She'd forgotten her keys.
I stood up, shook her hand, and introduced myself. When she apologized again for interrupting, I said, "We were just talking about how fabulous you are!"
The next time Elissa mentioned the time, she made sure I didn't think the sleeping pill was an excuse for leaving.
"Sorry, I don't mean to be... I had a really good time. I mean, I had a really good time."
I smiled and nodded as she spoke.
"You're nodding..."
"Yeah! Me too."
She smiled.
I said that I hadn't had a chance to beat her in Shuffleboard, and she suggested we do it next time.
When we reached her house, she thanked me, and reiterated that she'd had a great time.
I had never had a date anywhere near as intimate as with Elissa. We had found common beliefs in politics, and a common interest in writing about our lives. I bought her a pair of flowers, and she'd shared her iPod earbuds with me, and had even invited me to a political conference that her dad would also be attending. She'd already shared the most intimate details of her life with me, and had even fought off tears in front of me when telling me how her first dog had died in an accident last year.
I insisted on walking her to her door. It was a good thing I did, because her roommate hadn't yet returned home with the keys. She called her roommate Tracy - who had apparently missed the last bus - and I insisted that I didn't mind going to pick her up. Elissa apologized, saying that she felt bad and that I'd been so sweet all night.
I said it was no problem, and that it'd give me a chance to hear about her tattoos. Tracy was nearby, and the three of us were soon headed back to the house.
When I mentioned that we wouldn't be back by 11 for Elissa to take her pills, Tracy was in disbelief that her roommate had told me about her insomnia on the first date. Only half-kidding, she told Elissa that she should at least wait until the fourth date for that. It was nothing compared to the other things I'd learned about my date, but I simply joked that there were worse things.
After only a few minutes, we were back at the house. Elissa said that I didn't need to walk her up again, but I said, "Ah, let's go for broke!" and walked her up anyway. She again said that she'd had a really great time. Tracy mentioned something about the landlord moving a refrigerator, and Elissa explained the comment to me. I remarked to myself that I'd just met both of these people. It was absolutely amazing to think that I had just barely met her on eHarmony, and how much of a difference it made for her to have entered my life.
I stopped a few feet short of the door, and said, "Alright, Elissa."
She turned around, walked back towards me, and held out her arms wide. She grabbed me, giving me a great, big hug, and saying she'd talk to me soon.
________________
On the way home, I felt unusually sober. I knew logically that the night had been amazing. I knew that I had never met a sweeter person in 25 years of life, and I knew that I'd never been on a date like this one. Still, though, I told myself that I would keep myself together. I felt sober, and planned not to let feelings overwhelm me as they have too many times before.
Once I got home, an image of the date popped into my mind. Then another. Then a thought about Elissa, and another image. Now, I started to feel something. It was like the first minutes that you start to feel a tickle in your throat, and know that a cold is coming on. I knew that I'd caught the love bug, and started to feel everything that I'd thought on the way home. I felt that Elissa was the most amazing girl I'd ever met, and I felt that there couldn't be anyone else quite like her in this entire world.
As man learned millennia ago, the problem with this love bug is that its incredible power can, if not managed, do harm.
My next symptom was uncertainty. I started to dwell on possible imperfections in the date, contemplating what I should have said when she kept telling me how great of a time she was having. I then started anxiously trying to figure out when the best time would be to call her and ask her out again. What would be the best date? Would it be better to text her? Is two days long enough to wait? Would five be too long?!
After being distracted by the love bug for several hours at work, I checked my e-mail. Before the uncertainty kicked in, I'd been positive that she would e-mail me from work the next day; I already knew her well enough to be certain of that.
I just wanted to shoot you a quick note to thank you again for last night! I had a really great time! The flowers are nestled right under the Babe and he loved them! Hope you're having a great day!~ Elisa
It took me a solid hour to figure out the best three sentences with which to reply. I finally decided on just being myself and wrote, "I'm glad you had a really great time, because I did too :) " I'd never confessed my feelings about a date so strongly, and hoped that being open with her wouldn't hurt. I also invited her to a show on Sunday, and immediately started questioning whether the next day was too soon to suggest another date.
The love bug has struck again, but I'm going to do my best to manage the symptoms. This time, I'll follow Ashlley's advice from the beginning, and keep my options open by continuing to date and pursue other people.
It's my only hope.
After 17 months, I cancelled my subscription. I still had a few days left, though, so I continued the guided communication process that I'd begun with a girl named Elissa, who always responded extremely quickly. That seemed lucky, since otherwise my subscription might have run out before we were allowed to send open-ended messages. When I told her to e-mail me because I'd be leaving the site in a few days, she said that was funny, because she was doing the same.
From her very first message, I could tell that she was an unbelievably sweet girl. Her e-mails were replete with exclamation marks and smileys. Whenever it'd been a few days since I'd written, she said, "Good to hear from you!" After a couple weeks, I suggested we meet up at a billiards hall in the city.
I knew that she would be the last girl I'd ever meet in the world of online dating.
________________
I walked over and asked, "What's up?" as we hugged.
We took a table near the entrance and started talking.
"You look nice!"
I'd been on over 50 dates, and it was the first time anyone had complimented my appearance. I told her that she looked nice, too - and did she. Elissa is a contender for the Miss America title, and it couldn't have been more obvious why. In spite of that, she radiated the same sweetness that she showed online, and couldn't have been any more down-to-earth.
I had felt a little anxious in the minutes leading up to our meeting, but now that we had met and begun talking, I was at ease. I had practically nothing prepared in the way of conversation topics, but had so much confidence in my conversation skills that I was sure I wouldn't need any. I asked an obvious question or two that came to mind, and Elissa was just as talkative as she had been over e-mail.
The conversation moved easily from one topic to another, without even a hint of awkwardness. I was at such ease that I had no difficulty discussing her favorite things, even though I knew much less about them; the topic just didn't matter. I've never followed baseball closely, but we had a long discussion about it, with me making plenty of jokes and humorous comments. When I learned that she had a remarkable fondness for Abraham Lincoln, I had even more questions and jokes, even though I only knew a handful of facts about him. When she told me she'd read about 150 books about the 16th President, I leaned back, smiled, wagged my finger, and said something like, "You, my dear, are a scholar!" My relaxed, uninhibited nature was on full display. I asked if she was offended by people throwing away pennies - since they bare Abe Lincoln's image - and she was taken aback. She said I'd been making her think about things she should have thought of before.
Whenever Elissa mentioned something that we had in common, I said "me too," or something to that effect. Over the course of a long conversation, we learned that we had the same view on topics like abortion, the previous President, and Iraq. Her openness in mentioning political stances gave us a chance to find common ground we wouldn't have had any idea about if we had treated the topics as taboo. I told her that she was the first person I'd ever met who agreed with me about Iraq, and gave her a high-five. She mostly missed my hand, and asked to try it again; the second time was a success.
No one in the world could be more open than Elissa was with me. We'd met only within the past hour or two, yet she voluntarily divulged one personal fact after another. She told me four or five things about her life that are so personal I won't repeat them here, even though the blog is anonymous. After hearing the stories, I understood how she could be so down-to-earth and sweet, instead of having developed a huge ego during her days as a beauty pageant contestant.
Eventually, we were discussing dreams (a topic that she brought up naturally, even though it's on my old list of conversation topics), and she mentioned that she has insomnia and needed to take a sleeping pill by 11. I checked the time and told her that it was 10:15. She smiled and said, "Plenty of time!"
It had been obvious that we were both enjoying ourselves, but that comment confirmed it. Soon, her roommate, who had been at a restaurant next door, came over to our table, hugged Elissa, and apologized. She'd forgotten her keys.
I stood up, shook her hand, and introduced myself. When she apologized again for interrupting, I said, "We were just talking about how fabulous you are!"
The next time Elissa mentioned the time, she made sure I didn't think the sleeping pill was an excuse for leaving.
"Sorry, I don't mean to be... I had a really good time. I mean, I had a really good time."
I smiled and nodded as she spoke.
"You're nodding..."
"Yeah! Me too."
She smiled.
I said that I hadn't had a chance to beat her in Shuffleboard, and she suggested we do it next time.
When we reached her house, she thanked me, and reiterated that she'd had a great time.
I had never had a date anywhere near as intimate as with Elissa. We had found common beliefs in politics, and a common interest in writing about our lives. I bought her a pair of flowers, and she'd shared her iPod earbuds with me, and had even invited me to a political conference that her dad would also be attending. She'd already shared the most intimate details of her life with me, and had even fought off tears in front of me when telling me how her first dog had died in an accident last year.
I insisted on walking her to her door. It was a good thing I did, because her roommate hadn't yet returned home with the keys. She called her roommate Tracy - who had apparently missed the last bus - and I insisted that I didn't mind going to pick her up. Elissa apologized, saying that she felt bad and that I'd been so sweet all night.
I said it was no problem, and that it'd give me a chance to hear about her tattoos. Tracy was nearby, and the three of us were soon headed back to the house.
When I mentioned that we wouldn't be back by 11 for Elissa to take her pills, Tracy was in disbelief that her roommate had told me about her insomnia on the first date. Only half-kidding, she told Elissa that she should at least wait until the fourth date for that. It was nothing compared to the other things I'd learned about my date, but I simply joked that there were worse things.
After only a few minutes, we were back at the house. Elissa said that I didn't need to walk her up again, but I said, "Ah, let's go for broke!" and walked her up anyway. She again said that she'd had a really great time. Tracy mentioned something about the landlord moving a refrigerator, and Elissa explained the comment to me. I remarked to myself that I'd just met both of these people. It was absolutely amazing to think that I had just barely met her on eHarmony, and how much of a difference it made for her to have entered my life.
I stopped a few feet short of the door, and said, "Alright, Elissa."
She turned around, walked back towards me, and held out her arms wide. She grabbed me, giving me a great, big hug, and saying she'd talk to me soon.
________________
On the way home, I felt unusually sober. I knew logically that the night had been amazing. I knew that I had never met a sweeter person in 25 years of life, and I knew that I'd never been on a date like this one. Still, though, I told myself that I would keep myself together. I felt sober, and planned not to let feelings overwhelm me as they have too many times before.
Once I got home, an image of the date popped into my mind. Then another. Then a thought about Elissa, and another image. Now, I started to feel something. It was like the first minutes that you start to feel a tickle in your throat, and know that a cold is coming on. I knew that I'd caught the love bug, and started to feel everything that I'd thought on the way home. I felt that Elissa was the most amazing girl I'd ever met, and I felt that there couldn't be anyone else quite like her in this entire world.
As man learned millennia ago, the problem with this love bug is that its incredible power can, if not managed, do harm.
My next symptom was uncertainty. I started to dwell on possible imperfections in the date, contemplating what I should have said when she kept telling me how great of a time she was having. I then started anxiously trying to figure out when the best time would be to call her and ask her out again. What would be the best date? Would it be better to text her? Is two days long enough to wait? Would five be too long?!
After being distracted by the love bug for several hours at work, I checked my e-mail. Before the uncertainty kicked in, I'd been positive that she would e-mail me from work the next day; I already knew her well enough to be certain of that.
I just wanted to shoot you a quick note to thank you again for last night! I had a really great time! The flowers are nestled right under the Babe and he loved them! Hope you're having a great day!~ Elisa
It took me a solid hour to figure out the best three sentences with which to reply. I finally decided on just being myself and wrote, "I'm glad you had a really great time, because I did too :) " I'd never confessed my feelings about a date so strongly, and hoped that being open with her wouldn't hurt. I also invited her to a show on Sunday, and immediately started questioning whether the next day was too soon to suggest another date.
The love bug has struck again, but I'm going to do my best to manage the symptoms. This time, I'll follow Ashlley's advice from the beginning, and keep my options open by continuing to date and pursue other people.
It's my only hope.
3 comments:
Hello. I just stumbled upon your blog today and I have the exact same problem as you. It seems there are actually a lot of people like us that have trouble socializing. I was going to create a blog about this very subject too - but figured it would be better to concentrate on my actually goal of making friends and socializing more. I just want to wish you good luck in your endeavors and I look forward to reading your posts.
Hi,
I just found your blog a few weeks ago and have spent some hours ever since reading up on it. I was in a similar boat than you, but it took me a bit longer to get rid of my shyness and social awkwardness. I took baby steps as opposed to going on a mission :) I'm now in my early 30s and I finally got rid of my last bits of inhibition two and a half years ago. Looking back at myself in my early to mid-20s I can now say I'm a totally different person.
You're an excellent writer and it was fun reading up on your experiences. Your progress in only a year is absolutely incredible and I can only congratulate you on your persistence and determination! I'm sure that now it is only a matter of time until you really "click" with a girl and you will soon have a girlfriend.
I wish you good luck and I'm certain you can declare your mission a success in the not too distant future :)
Thank you both! The comments really do mean the world to me. Congrats to our anonymous friend, and good luck to Sodacommentator!
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