When I started considering a departure from eHarmony, I thought I would finally take a break from dating altogether. Still, though, I had already gotten involved with a few ladies, and was certainly going to see things through with them. As luck would have it, I formed an amazing connection with Elissa, the very last girl I met online. I found myself hopelessly afflicted by the Love Bug, with little else on my mind for the next couple days. I asked her to a Sunday show via e-mail, but saw no response by the next night. Instead of waiting, I realized that the best thing I could possibly do for myself was to spend time with someone else instead.
There was Bridgette, the only other girl with whom there was still mutual interest. She had confused me on our first date, leaving me with the impression that she was uninterested. On a whim, I sent her a link to a video I'd mentioned at Starbucks, and she again suggested that we meet up. When that date was cancelled due to snow, I asked if she was free a week later, but then she was sick. That weekend, we had a beautiful glimpse of spring with sunshine and 70-degree temperatures, and it made me think of her. I sent her a text:
"It's a beautiful day outside - made me think of you."
I'd long been in the habit of avoiding flattery and largely concealing my romantic feelings, but I decided that after 53 dates, it was time to try something new.
I called her Sunday to confirm the pickup time. At first, I succeeded in the initial projection of both my voice and uninhibited persona, but a moment later I was interrupted; someone was at the door. The idea of having a family member overhear my conversation immediately made me feel self-conscious, and I was stiff when I returned to the phone.
As I got dressed, I thought. I had just been amazingly great with the last two girls I'd gone out with. In fact, I hadn't had an unsuccessful date since last year! More still, for some reason, Bridgette must have liked me, even when I was relatively stiff with her. Just think how much she'd like me after seeing the real me! This time, I would make it a point to minimize the talk about work, and about anything else boring. We were going to Dave & Buster's, so I figured the environment would make it easy.
_______________________
She got in the car, and we were back together for the first time in nearly a month. I felt stiff during the first couple minutes of conversation, but then started to improve. Before long, I was back where I'd left off with her, largely taking on my uninhibited persona in spite of a general feeling of tension.
By the time we reached the mall, I was feeling pretty good, while continuing to improve. Now, jokes were coming to mind, and I executed them with little or no forethought. When Bridgette mentioned doing something when she was little, I said, "Well, you're still little!" When we wanted to play ski ball, a group of kids were taking up all of the lanes. I told my date that they were pretty small, so we could probably rough them. I started making whatever jokes came to mind, regardless of what they were. She said I was lucky on one of the games, so I told her, "I'd rather be lucky than good!" merely because it was a quote I'd heard somewhere. Luckily, she seemed to think it was funny. Some of the things I said ended up being pretty silly, but I later realized that you can't be too funny if you hold back; you have to be willing to sound silly every now and then.
After playing a few games and walking around for about 15 minutes, we decided to check on our dinner table. Now, I was so loose that I naturally joked around with the hostess.
"There's one party in front of you."
"One party.... what's that, a 30 second wait? 45 seconds?"
Somehow, that 45-second wait ended up being close to half an hour. I stood with Bridgette, with no menu, games, or food to help entertain her. All I had was me.
All I had was me, and me was all I needed. I'd realized after the last couple dates that I had actually become a good conversationalist since the inception of my mission. After all: how could this much practice not have paid off? I asked whatever came to mind, starting with the obvious question of what kind of food she was in the mood for. We ended up spending some time talking about work, but I was skilled enough to make it a fun topic. When Bridgette mentioned the CEO of her company, I asked if she'd ever met him. She told me that she'd shook his hand once, and I inferred that it was important to her. I then jokingly asked if she'd gotten an autograph, and told her that she should have taken a photo with her cellphone and made it her Feycebook profile photo. At the same time, I jokingly made fun of people who take cell phone pictures of themselves by mimicking the gestures. Now, Bridgette was seeing the real, fun, uninhibited me, which was a vast improvement from our first date.
As we ate, I realized that things were going great. I was sitting across from a beautiful girl, doing a stellar job of entertaining her.
Only time stood between her lips and mine.
I became anxious as I felt a little pressure to maintain the quality of the date until the end of the evening. Still, though, my mind continued to easily think of what to say, and my anxiety was surely invisible to Bridgette.
After our first date, I couldn't quite figure out what Bridgette and I liked about each other. We really hadn't even found a whole lot that we had in common. Now, though, we were starting to find that common ground. We were both semi-vegetarians, weren't particularly happy with our SUV's, and listened to the same morning talk show host, who we both thought was obnoxious.
Bridgette hadn't asked many questions at Starbucks, so tonight I would be sure to talk about myself so that she would learn some of the many interesting things about me. I skillfully related my experiences to things she said. For example, I asked about her kickboxing class, and then told her that I'd tried a lot of new things myself - like acting - since finishing school. She was interested, and asked more questions about it. I was able to visualize and tell her the story of my final class performance with relative ease. Telling stories seemed like an impossible task when I started the mission, so I felt proud myself afterwards.
Instead of using preprepared conversation topics, I was mostly able to think of things to say based on the current conversation and the environment. When we heard a group singing Happy Birthday, I naturally thought to ask when her birthday was, followed by whether or not she believed in astrology. She seemed to be having a good time, but would now confirm it. When we talked about astrological signs, she said she was curious what kind of profile I would have as a Virgo. She was so interested that she wanted to Google it right then on her phone, so I told her to go for it.
When she read off one of the Virgo characteristics as being "shy," I ridiculed the web site. ME? SHY?! It was outrageous!
I told her the rest of the characteristics were spot-on, and they were.
As I continued to ask interesting questions and make jokes, I observed Bridgette. After Starbucks, I thought there was absolutely no chance that I would ever see her again. There was just something so curious about a girl who was interested, yet had given no indication on the first date. Why hadn't she?
I noticed she had a quiet laugh; it was different, and adorable.
I noticed a couple times when there was a momentary lull in the conversation, she looked at me with an expression I'd seen while eating with Bina. In that case, I'd correctly interpreted it as concern about whether or not I liked her.
I noticed that Bridgette seemed self-conscious about using a kleenex and sounding congested, as she was still getting over her cold. I could tell that she once tried to conceal a cough, which was something I'd always done, fearing it would turn off a date.
I noticed that Bridgette remembered things from our first date that even I, who wrote a blog post about the shindig, didn't.
I noticed that I was the one making most of the jokes, and she was the one doing most of the laughing.
Above all, I noticed that I was the more uninhibited one. In the game room, she said that I could get on the dancing game, and she would watch. I wouldn't have even had to give a dancing game, or any other, a second thought, but there was absolutely no way she would play it in public; I teased her about it several times during the night.
When I made little comments to the waittress named Roseanne, I noticed that my interaction with our server made me seem more sociable than my date. Later, when she deducted my meal from the bill since I didn't eat much of it, my voice excuded confidence as we had a longer exchange:
"Roseanne......you are the best waitress I've---"
She asked me to fill out a survey.
"Oh! So it's a bribe!"
She said that I would be entered for a chance to win $10,000 if I filled it out.
"Ok, I'm gonna do it. Not only that though! Roseanne, if I win, I'm going to come back here, and give you $2,500."
I realized that I couldn't even imagine Bridgette joking around with the waitress, let alone being as fun as I was.
Now, I could at least postulate a theory as to what was going on. Perhaps it was that I was great. Perhaps, that is, I was so great that meeting me at Starbucks made Bridgette a little too nervous to ask a lot of questions that day. Maybe she didn't tell me she had a good time until she responded to my e-mail days later because she thought it was obvious that she had a good time with me, because I was so great. Maybe she was the one wondering whether I was interested, because, well, I was so great.
Then again, probably not.
She'd been telling me about preparing for a presentation at work the next day, so I said I'd better get her home to practice. As I drove us back to her apartment, she mentioned her beloved old green jacket, and I joked about it with ease, calling it "her" and asking if it had a name. I heard her quiet laugh, and glanced over to again see that beautiful smile. It was the genuine kind that you couldn't hide if you wanted to.
She'd had a good time.
I pulled into a handicap space and told her I'd walk her up. I'm usually obsessive about avoiding the common cold, but there was no way I was going to leave without kissing her goodnight.
We continued talking for a few moments after reaching the building door. She smiled, and I realized she didn't expect me to walk into the building with her. I said, "Alright," and gave her a hug.
After the hug, there was a brief, silent moment. I put my hand on her waist, leaning in towards her. She stood motionless for another moment, until I saw her move and closed my eyes. She gave me a short kiss that felt amazing, unlike anything I'd ever felt. In that instant, all of my anxiety vanished; my worries evaporated.
I then felt that Bridgette was as happy as I was, as she asked if I knew how to get home, and told me to have a safe drive. I told her to knock 'em dead in her presentation, and caught one more glimpse of her beautiful smile before I turned away.
There was Bridgette, the only other girl with whom there was still mutual interest. She had confused me on our first date, leaving me with the impression that she was uninterested. On a whim, I sent her a link to a video I'd mentioned at Starbucks, and she again suggested that we meet up. When that date was cancelled due to snow, I asked if she was free a week later, but then she was sick. That weekend, we had a beautiful glimpse of spring with sunshine and 70-degree temperatures, and it made me think of her. I sent her a text:
"It's a beautiful day outside - made me think of you."
I'd long been in the habit of avoiding flattery and largely concealing my romantic feelings, but I decided that after 53 dates, it was time to try something new.
I called her Sunday to confirm the pickup time. At first, I succeeded in the initial projection of both my voice and uninhibited persona, but a moment later I was interrupted; someone was at the door. The idea of having a family member overhear my conversation immediately made me feel self-conscious, and I was stiff when I returned to the phone.
As I got dressed, I thought. I had just been amazingly great with the last two girls I'd gone out with. In fact, I hadn't had an unsuccessful date since last year! More still, for some reason, Bridgette must have liked me, even when I was relatively stiff with her. Just think how much she'd like me after seeing the real me! This time, I would make it a point to minimize the talk about work, and about anything else boring. We were going to Dave & Buster's, so I figured the environment would make it easy.
_______________________
She got in the car, and we were back together for the first time in nearly a month. I felt stiff during the first couple minutes of conversation, but then started to improve. Before long, I was back where I'd left off with her, largely taking on my uninhibited persona in spite of a general feeling of tension.
By the time we reached the mall, I was feeling pretty good, while continuing to improve. Now, jokes were coming to mind, and I executed them with little or no forethought. When Bridgette mentioned doing something when she was little, I said, "Well, you're still little!" When we wanted to play ski ball, a group of kids were taking up all of the lanes. I told my date that they were pretty small, so we could probably rough them. I started making whatever jokes came to mind, regardless of what they were. She said I was lucky on one of the games, so I told her, "I'd rather be lucky than good!" merely because it was a quote I'd heard somewhere. Luckily, she seemed to think it was funny. Some of the things I said ended up being pretty silly, but I later realized that you can't be too funny if you hold back; you have to be willing to sound silly every now and then.
After playing a few games and walking around for about 15 minutes, we decided to check on our dinner table. Now, I was so loose that I naturally joked around with the hostess.
"There's one party in front of you."
"One party.... what's that, a 30 second wait? 45 seconds?"
Somehow, that 45-second wait ended up being close to half an hour. I stood with Bridgette, with no menu, games, or food to help entertain her. All I had was me.
All I had was me, and me was all I needed. I'd realized after the last couple dates that I had actually become a good conversationalist since the inception of my mission. After all: how could this much practice not have paid off? I asked whatever came to mind, starting with the obvious question of what kind of food she was in the mood for. We ended up spending some time talking about work, but I was skilled enough to make it a fun topic. When Bridgette mentioned the CEO of her company, I asked if she'd ever met him. She told me that she'd shook his hand once, and I inferred that it was important to her. I then jokingly asked if she'd gotten an autograph, and told her that she should have taken a photo with her cellphone and made it her Feycebook profile photo. At the same time, I jokingly made fun of people who take cell phone pictures of themselves by mimicking the gestures. Now, Bridgette was seeing the real, fun, uninhibited me, which was a vast improvement from our first date.
As we ate, I realized that things were going great. I was sitting across from a beautiful girl, doing a stellar job of entertaining her.
Only time stood between her lips and mine.
I became anxious as I felt a little pressure to maintain the quality of the date until the end of the evening. Still, though, my mind continued to easily think of what to say, and my anxiety was surely invisible to Bridgette.
After our first date, I couldn't quite figure out what Bridgette and I liked about each other. We really hadn't even found a whole lot that we had in common. Now, though, we were starting to find that common ground. We were both semi-vegetarians, weren't particularly happy with our SUV's, and listened to the same morning talk show host, who we both thought was obnoxious.
Bridgette hadn't asked many questions at Starbucks, so tonight I would be sure to talk about myself so that she would learn some of the many interesting things about me. I skillfully related my experiences to things she said. For example, I asked about her kickboxing class, and then told her that I'd tried a lot of new things myself - like acting - since finishing school. She was interested, and asked more questions about it. I was able to visualize and tell her the story of my final class performance with relative ease. Telling stories seemed like an impossible task when I started the mission, so I felt proud myself afterwards.
Instead of using preprepared conversation topics, I was mostly able to think of things to say based on the current conversation and the environment. When we heard a group singing Happy Birthday, I naturally thought to ask when her birthday was, followed by whether or not she believed in astrology. She seemed to be having a good time, but would now confirm it. When we talked about astrological signs, she said she was curious what kind of profile I would have as a Virgo. She was so interested that she wanted to Google it right then on her phone, so I told her to go for it.
When she read off one of the Virgo characteristics as being "shy," I ridiculed the web site. ME? SHY?! It was outrageous!
I told her the rest of the characteristics were spot-on, and they were.
As I continued to ask interesting questions and make jokes, I observed Bridgette. After Starbucks, I thought there was absolutely no chance that I would ever see her again. There was just something so curious about a girl who was interested, yet had given no indication on the first date. Why hadn't she?
I noticed she had a quiet laugh; it was different, and adorable.
I noticed a couple times when there was a momentary lull in the conversation, she looked at me with an expression I'd seen while eating with Bina. In that case, I'd correctly interpreted it as concern about whether or not I liked her.
I noticed that Bridgette seemed self-conscious about using a kleenex and sounding congested, as she was still getting over her cold. I could tell that she once tried to conceal a cough, which was something I'd always done, fearing it would turn off a date.
I noticed that Bridgette remembered things from our first date that even I, who wrote a blog post about the shindig, didn't.
I noticed that I was the one making most of the jokes, and she was the one doing most of the laughing.
Above all, I noticed that I was the more uninhibited one. In the game room, she said that I could get on the dancing game, and she would watch. I wouldn't have even had to give a dancing game, or any other, a second thought, but there was absolutely no way she would play it in public; I teased her about it several times during the night.
When I made little comments to the waittress named Roseanne, I noticed that my interaction with our server made me seem more sociable than my date. Later, when she deducted my meal from the bill since I didn't eat much of it, my voice excuded confidence as we had a longer exchange:
"Roseanne......you are the best waitress I've---"
She asked me to fill out a survey.
"Oh! So it's a bribe!"
She said that I would be entered for a chance to win $10,000 if I filled it out.
"Ok, I'm gonna do it. Not only that though! Roseanne, if I win, I'm going to come back here, and give you $2,500."
I realized that I couldn't even imagine Bridgette joking around with the waitress, let alone being as fun as I was.
Now, I could at least postulate a theory as to what was going on. Perhaps it was that I was great. Perhaps, that is, I was so great that meeting me at Starbucks made Bridgette a little too nervous to ask a lot of questions that day. Maybe she didn't tell me she had a good time until she responded to my e-mail days later because she thought it was obvious that she had a good time with me, because I was so great. Maybe she was the one wondering whether I was interested, because, well, I was so great.
Then again, probably not.
She'd been telling me about preparing for a presentation at work the next day, so I said I'd better get her home to practice. As I drove us back to her apartment, she mentioned her beloved old green jacket, and I joked about it with ease, calling it "her" and asking if it had a name. I heard her quiet laugh, and glanced over to again see that beautiful smile. It was the genuine kind that you couldn't hide if you wanted to.
She'd had a good time.
I pulled into a handicap space and told her I'd walk her up. I'm usually obsessive about avoiding the common cold, but there was no way I was going to leave without kissing her goodnight.
We continued talking for a few moments after reaching the building door. She smiled, and I realized she didn't expect me to walk into the building with her. I said, "Alright," and gave her a hug.
After the hug, there was a brief, silent moment. I put my hand on her waist, leaning in towards her. She stood motionless for another moment, until I saw her move and closed my eyes. She gave me a short kiss that felt amazing, unlike anything I'd ever felt. In that instant, all of my anxiety vanished; my worries evaporated.
I then felt that Bridgette was as happy as I was, as she asked if I knew how to get home, and told me to have a safe drive. I told her to knock 'em dead in her presentation, and caught one more glimpse of her beautiful smile before I turned away.
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