Though nearly a month has passed since I last wrote, my absence has not been due to lack of activity; there has been more going on than ever. As the mission nears its second anniversary, the social life for which I've yearned is gradually coming to fruition. I typically use the blog to share new experiences and remarkable events, but I'm now finding that the experiences and events that were once so are now simply becoming normal. Meanwhile, the puzzle of my new life has been taking form.
Since my last few posts, I've removed several pieces that proved not to fit. Before the last two dates I shared, there was indeed a fifty-third date with another girl from eHarmony named Brandy. When she didn't show up at Starbucks, I sent her a text. She claimed that she didn't know if we were still meeting, since she hadn't heard from me that day. It was an absurd claim, since she had said "See you then" twice over e-mail less than 2 days ago. She had no good excuse, and I wasn't going to stand for it.
With amazing stubbornness, Brandy argued with me via text messages for nearly an hour instead of being apologetic. I was surprised that she would flake out on me since we had already talked on the phone, and learned that we had an amazing amount in common - all the way down to being software engineers. Combined with the fact that I already had two other promising dates coming up, I was now far too displeased with her attitude to have any real interest. Nonetheless, she still wanted to meet. I decided to give it a try mostly for practice, and partly because it would be interesting.
We met later that night. I intentionally projected my voice when I first spoke to her, and my second sentence was a joke alluding to her being a pain in the ass earlier in the day. I had absolute confidence once again, but this time, my slight dislike for my date provided an edge that made me feel and act as confident as anyone possibly could. I'd decided to practice entertaining my date, which was a skill with which I'd remarkably become adept. As I talked and joked, my personality emerged as the clearly dominant one in the room. I had the powerful feeling of sensing that merely being myself made her feel at least a little self-conscious, as her social skills were far less impressive.
The Starbucks closed after only half an hour, and she declined my half-kidding invitation to continue our date at the Burger King across the parking lot. She said that I should call to confirm next time, which reminded me that she still hadn't apologized in person for standing me up earlier. I decided that she would not fit as a piece of my new life.
__________________
And then there are the subjects of my last two posts. Elisa, for whom I felt overwhelming feelings, was not responsive after saying that she'd had a great time in an e-mail the next afternoon. I'd replied and invited her to a dinner show the following Sunday, but she took until that morning to respond. She said she'd probably be working, but that she hoped we could get together soon. When I called a week later, she neither answered nor called me back. Finally, I sent her a text suggesting that we have dinner before she left for vacation. She asked what day would be good, then never responded after that.
This time, I wasn't quite heartbroken. It was absolutely astonishing that she'd lost interest - without even talking to me - after the wonderful first date we'd had. She'd seemed more interested than any of the other 42 girls I'd dated, but after The Autumn Saga, nothing could surprise me.
And finally, there was Bridgette. Things had seemed to go well with her on our second date, and I had become quite interested, even though she didn't seem as special as Elisa. She e-mailed me the next day, telling me to send her a link to something that we'd talked about when we were together. I had been relieved to see the e-mail - which I took to be continued interest - since I'd been thinking about a possible slight imperfection at the end of our date. I texted her a few days later, asking if she wanted to "go for the trifecta this weekend."
Five days later, she responded.
"Sorry been crazy busy at work tryn 2 catch up. Not a big fan of horse racing though."
My text obviously had nothing to do with horses, but I just replied:
"Wow. Five days to respond to a text though?"
I got in the shower to get my mind off of things, and missed her call. She left a message asking me to give her a call the next day, but I called minutes later and didn't reach her. After a bit of phone tag, we got in touch after a week. I was hoping she'd been calling to apologize, but in reality I knew that she wouldn't have ignored a text for five days if she'd been interested. She said she'd had a really good time on our date, but that she didn't feel "any connection." The pain stung as she spoke, and I quickly ended the call - hanging on by a thread to the confident tone of my voice - with only seven words: "Alright! Well good luck. Take care. Bye-bye."
Bridgette, Brandy and Elisa were the last three girls I'd been connected to through eHarmony. After these final failures, I became even more determined to stick to my New Year's resolution of abandoning online dating. After meeting 42 women that way, with none making it past even a mere third date, it was clearly not a piece to the puzzle.
An era had drawn to a close.
__________________
It was interesting that Bridgette had called to end our short-lived relationship. After all, only one other girl - my very first date - had ever done that, while I could never bring myself to ignore someone after a date even if I wanted to.
Bina texted and called me a couple times after my last post about her, which spurred comments that made me realize I shouldn't go any further in the relationship. I hoped to end it in a way that would allow us to still be friends, and so I sent her a well-planned text:
"Hey. I've been thinking... I really like you a lot, but long-term my age might be an issue. Maybe it'd be better if we're friends?"
She said that was fine, and that she was going to ask if I wanted to be friends because she didn't think I liked her. She also asked how old I thought she was. I told her that she looked amazing, but judging from her career, I was guessing she was about 35.
She said she was 36.
I continued with some flattery about thinking that she was around my age until we started talking, and finally, she said that she really would like to be friends if I was being truthful about that, because she enjoyed my company. I told her definitely, and added her on Feycebook.
After occasional texting, I asked if she wanted to grab some dinner last Wednesday. Almost needless to say at this point, I was my relaxed, uninhibited, great self. Whenever I made even the slightest joke, she seemed to think I was hilarious. After we finished eating, paid, and the plates were gone, she asked if I wanted to stay a while longer: she was having a great time just talking to me. I marveled at the fact that I could entertain someone so easily by mostly just asking questions and listening with genuine interest.
Bina invited me to a dinner show with her friends over the weekend. I'd already had tentative plans for my one pre-mission friend's birthday that night, so I declined. Still, though, I realized what was happening. When I first saw Bina at SuperBar - just like I've seen hundreds of others - I knew that her group of friends would fit me perfectly. I didn't know how I would make it happen, but I was determined that they would become my group of friends. At the time, it seemed unrealistic, but is now nothing short of a sure bet.
Bina is a piece to the puzzle.
__________________
As with every other friendship, that which I've established with Bina means more to me than she'll probably ever know. I set out with but a single real friend in the world, but as a testament to the value of persistence, I now have five.
One of those five friends is Natalie, who so quickly became a normal part of my life that I haven't been compelled to write about her since we first met. We hung out again the very next day, and at least once a week afterwards. By the third time we got together, I understood what it meant to "click" with someone. We had lots of things in common - from going to the same university at the same time, to acting, and so on - but more importantly, there was something about our interaction. I was as relaxed with her as I am alone, or with anyone else, and the same was obviously true for her. We talked with ease, often about nothing in particular, with smiles and laughter ever-present. In just a few short weeks, we'd already taken a class together, gone nightclub dancing, had dinner, seen movies, and more. She was already close enough with me to share the reason that she had stopped coming to our dance class: the only other guy in the class was coincidentally another graduate of our alma mater, with whom she'd first had sex and a badly-ended relationship years ago.
Once while picking Natalie up to go play shuffleboard, one of her other male friends was leaving the house. When he hugged her goodbye and walked away, I immediately followed my impulse to ask, "He's not coming??" She asked if he wanted to play with us, and he was happy to come along. While the three of us played shuffleboard and hung out to chat over drinks, I realized that it was only one of a handful of times that I had socialized in a group. That situation always seemed to be the most difficult, but I was now comfortable, and it was easy.
Natalie is big piece to the puzzle, but I have yet to tell you about the biggest, which in the past week has brought the most amazing milestones to date.....
Since my last few posts, I've removed several pieces that proved not to fit. Before the last two dates I shared, there was indeed a fifty-third date with another girl from eHarmony named Brandy. When she didn't show up at Starbucks, I sent her a text. She claimed that she didn't know if we were still meeting, since she hadn't heard from me that day. It was an absurd claim, since she had said "See you then" twice over e-mail less than 2 days ago. She had no good excuse, and I wasn't going to stand for it.
With amazing stubbornness, Brandy argued with me via text messages for nearly an hour instead of being apologetic. I was surprised that she would flake out on me since we had already talked on the phone, and learned that we had an amazing amount in common - all the way down to being software engineers. Combined with the fact that I already had two other promising dates coming up, I was now far too displeased with her attitude to have any real interest. Nonetheless, she still wanted to meet. I decided to give it a try mostly for practice, and partly because it would be interesting.
We met later that night. I intentionally projected my voice when I first spoke to her, and my second sentence was a joke alluding to her being a pain in the ass earlier in the day. I had absolute confidence once again, but this time, my slight dislike for my date provided an edge that made me feel and act as confident as anyone possibly could. I'd decided to practice entertaining my date, which was a skill with which I'd remarkably become adept. As I talked and joked, my personality emerged as the clearly dominant one in the room. I had the powerful feeling of sensing that merely being myself made her feel at least a little self-conscious, as her social skills were far less impressive.
The Starbucks closed after only half an hour, and she declined my half-kidding invitation to continue our date at the Burger King across the parking lot. She said that I should call to confirm next time, which reminded me that she still hadn't apologized in person for standing me up earlier. I decided that she would not fit as a piece of my new life.
__________________
And then there are the subjects of my last two posts. Elisa, for whom I felt overwhelming feelings, was not responsive after saying that she'd had a great time in an e-mail the next afternoon. I'd replied and invited her to a dinner show the following Sunday, but she took until that morning to respond. She said she'd probably be working, but that she hoped we could get together soon. When I called a week later, she neither answered nor called me back. Finally, I sent her a text suggesting that we have dinner before she left for vacation. She asked what day would be good, then never responded after that.
This time, I wasn't quite heartbroken. It was absolutely astonishing that she'd lost interest - without even talking to me - after the wonderful first date we'd had. She'd seemed more interested than any of the other 42 girls I'd dated, but after The Autumn Saga, nothing could surprise me.
And finally, there was Bridgette. Things had seemed to go well with her on our second date, and I had become quite interested, even though she didn't seem as special as Elisa. She e-mailed me the next day, telling me to send her a link to something that we'd talked about when we were together. I had been relieved to see the e-mail - which I took to be continued interest - since I'd been thinking about a possible slight imperfection at the end of our date. I texted her a few days later, asking if she wanted to "go for the trifecta this weekend."
Five days later, she responded.
"Sorry been crazy busy at work tryn 2 catch up. Not a big fan of horse racing though."
My text obviously had nothing to do with horses, but I just replied:
"Wow. Five days to respond to a text though?"
I got in the shower to get my mind off of things, and missed her call. She left a message asking me to give her a call the next day, but I called minutes later and didn't reach her. After a bit of phone tag, we got in touch after a week. I was hoping she'd been calling to apologize, but in reality I knew that she wouldn't have ignored a text for five days if she'd been interested. She said she'd had a really good time on our date, but that she didn't feel "any connection." The pain stung as she spoke, and I quickly ended the call - hanging on by a thread to the confident tone of my voice - with only seven words: "Alright! Well good luck. Take care. Bye-bye."
Bridgette, Brandy and Elisa were the last three girls I'd been connected to through eHarmony. After these final failures, I became even more determined to stick to my New Year's resolution of abandoning online dating. After meeting 42 women that way, with none making it past even a mere third date, it was clearly not a piece to the puzzle.
An era had drawn to a close.
__________________
It was interesting that Bridgette had called to end our short-lived relationship. After all, only one other girl - my very first date - had ever done that, while I could never bring myself to ignore someone after a date even if I wanted to.
Bina texted and called me a couple times after my last post about her, which spurred comments that made me realize I shouldn't go any further in the relationship. I hoped to end it in a way that would allow us to still be friends, and so I sent her a well-planned text:
"Hey. I've been thinking... I really like you a lot, but long-term my age might be an issue. Maybe it'd be better if we're friends?"
She said that was fine, and that she was going to ask if I wanted to be friends because she didn't think I liked her. She also asked how old I thought she was. I told her that she looked amazing, but judging from her career, I was guessing she was about 35.
She said she was 36.
I continued with some flattery about thinking that she was around my age until we started talking, and finally, she said that she really would like to be friends if I was being truthful about that, because she enjoyed my company. I told her definitely, and added her on Feycebook.
After occasional texting, I asked if she wanted to grab some dinner last Wednesday. Almost needless to say at this point, I was my relaxed, uninhibited, great self. Whenever I made even the slightest joke, she seemed to think I was hilarious. After we finished eating, paid, and the plates were gone, she asked if I wanted to stay a while longer: she was having a great time just talking to me. I marveled at the fact that I could entertain someone so easily by mostly just asking questions and listening with genuine interest.
Bina invited me to a dinner show with her friends over the weekend. I'd already had tentative plans for my one pre-mission friend's birthday that night, so I declined. Still, though, I realized what was happening. When I first saw Bina at SuperBar - just like I've seen hundreds of others - I knew that her group of friends would fit me perfectly. I didn't know how I would make it happen, but I was determined that they would become my group of friends. At the time, it seemed unrealistic, but is now nothing short of a sure bet.
Bina is a piece to the puzzle.
__________________
As with every other friendship, that which I've established with Bina means more to me than she'll probably ever know. I set out with but a single real friend in the world, but as a testament to the value of persistence, I now have five.
One of those five friends is Natalie, who so quickly became a normal part of my life that I haven't been compelled to write about her since we first met. We hung out again the very next day, and at least once a week afterwards. By the third time we got together, I understood what it meant to "click" with someone. We had lots of things in common - from going to the same university at the same time, to acting, and so on - but more importantly, there was something about our interaction. I was as relaxed with her as I am alone, or with anyone else, and the same was obviously true for her. We talked with ease, often about nothing in particular, with smiles and laughter ever-present. In just a few short weeks, we'd already taken a class together, gone nightclub dancing, had dinner, seen movies, and more. She was already close enough with me to share the reason that she had stopped coming to our dance class: the only other guy in the class was coincidentally another graduate of our alma mater, with whom she'd first had sex and a badly-ended relationship years ago.
Once while picking Natalie up to go play shuffleboard, one of her other male friends was leaving the house. When he hugged her goodbye and walked away, I immediately followed my impulse to ask, "He's not coming??" She asked if he wanted to play with us, and he was happy to come along. While the three of us played shuffleboard and hung out to chat over drinks, I realized that it was only one of a handful of times that I had socialized in a group. That situation always seemed to be the most difficult, but I was now comfortable, and it was easy.
Natalie is big piece to the puzzle, but I have yet to tell you about the biggest, which in the past week has brought the most amazing milestones to date.....
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