Today was my twelfth day on my first job. I thought it would be worth giving an overview of the social aspects now, if for no other reason than I can (hopefully) one day look back and see that I've improved greatly.
In general, the social life in the office hasn't been what I'd hoped it'd be. I spend the vast, vast, vast majority of the time just sitting alone in my cubicle. I'd always envisioned there being more interaction in software engineering - it's not an everyday thing so far. There were several days where I could literally count the words that I said from 9 to 5. Eerily reminiscent of the way things were back in school. Thankfully, though, that began to improve a bit this week.
On Monday, one of my coworkers invited me to lunch. I was pretty anxious about it, but there was no way I could decline - I needed to do this. So he drove me and two of my female coworkers to the restaurant, about 10 minutes away. Glancing at his rearview mirror, I noticed that I was constantly smiling. I smile a lot naturally, but in an odd way, I couldn't relax my facial muscles enough to stop. Yep: I was a little nervous.
We arrived at the restaurant, and met some more coworkers - there were eight of us. Not having talked much since I started the job, I knew names, but not much else about these folks. I always find group situations to be the toughest. This was no exception.
I couldn't seem to get myself into the conversation. In fact, I really didn't even try. I wanted to, but somehow it didn't seem like there was any real opening for me. Of course, in reality, there must have been. I said so little (almost nothing) for so long that when I wanted go wash my hands, I was afraid to leave the table. I was afraid that my companions would talk about me while I was gone - about how I wasn't saying anything, or something negative.
As I ate, I was definitely a bit nervous. I felt a little shaky - yes, literally shaky, the way I described in the last post, but not as bad. I never did get into the conversation. Not one bit - my companions didn't help me out much by asking me anything.
The car ride back was better. In a smaller group, I was able to ask and answer a few questions. Inhibited, but back up to the ability level I usually have when I try going on dates.
So that sounds like it sucked. But by virtue of eating lunch with them, it forced me to become acquainted with seven new people. My thinking is that I will now be able to try chatting them up 1 on 1 later on without feeling as uncomfortable.
My best results on the job came today. We have a meeting and company lunch once a week. At the meeting, I had to give a status update in front of about 10 other people. I was anxious at first, but calmed down a bit before I had to speak. I calmed down even more once I started talking and heard my words coming out alright. I calmed down even further when my manager and coworkers reacted positively - it was like I was just a normal person.
At lunch, I sat with my manager and just one other coworker, who is even quieter than I am. I was good! Clear voice, and I thought of plenty to say. Plenty to say, because I had a lot of questions. It was the typical 1-on-1 situation where I've been able to keep the conversation going, but have been too inhibited to really completely be myself. In this case, that last part doesn't matter so much - being a little reserved is natural at work, though it was a bit more so than I would prefer.
I don't mean to bore you! Just thought this needed to be documented.
In other news......
I'm going on another first-date this Sunday. And I just got an e-mail from the girl I went out with on my last date. She initiated communication yet again, which means she's definitely still interested, despite our mediocre-at-best third date. I'm planning to not see her again, but that's definitely very encouraging!
Finally, I promise to try to start writing the "Master Plan" running entry tomorrow. I plan to do this every week, but never get around to it. No more procrastination :-)
In general, the social life in the office hasn't been what I'd hoped it'd be. I spend the vast, vast, vast majority of the time just sitting alone in my cubicle. I'd always envisioned there being more interaction in software engineering - it's not an everyday thing so far. There were several days where I could literally count the words that I said from 9 to 5. Eerily reminiscent of the way things were back in school. Thankfully, though, that began to improve a bit this week.
On Monday, one of my coworkers invited me to lunch. I was pretty anxious about it, but there was no way I could decline - I needed to do this. So he drove me and two of my female coworkers to the restaurant, about 10 minutes away. Glancing at his rearview mirror, I noticed that I was constantly smiling. I smile a lot naturally, but in an odd way, I couldn't relax my facial muscles enough to stop. Yep: I was a little nervous.
We arrived at the restaurant, and met some more coworkers - there were eight of us. Not having talked much since I started the job, I knew names, but not much else about these folks. I always find group situations to be the toughest. This was no exception.
I couldn't seem to get myself into the conversation. In fact, I really didn't even try. I wanted to, but somehow it didn't seem like there was any real opening for me. Of course, in reality, there must have been. I said so little (almost nothing) for so long that when I wanted go wash my hands, I was afraid to leave the table. I was afraid that my companions would talk about me while I was gone - about how I wasn't saying anything, or something negative.
As I ate, I was definitely a bit nervous. I felt a little shaky - yes, literally shaky, the way I described in the last post, but not as bad. I never did get into the conversation. Not one bit - my companions didn't help me out much by asking me anything.
The car ride back was better. In a smaller group, I was able to ask and answer a few questions. Inhibited, but back up to the ability level I usually have when I try going on dates.
So that sounds like it sucked. But by virtue of eating lunch with them, it forced me to become acquainted with seven new people. My thinking is that I will now be able to try chatting them up 1 on 1 later on without feeling as uncomfortable.
My best results on the job came today. We have a meeting and company lunch once a week. At the meeting, I had to give a status update in front of about 10 other people. I was anxious at first, but calmed down a bit before I had to speak. I calmed down even more once I started talking and heard my words coming out alright. I calmed down even further when my manager and coworkers reacted positively - it was like I was just a normal person.
At lunch, I sat with my manager and just one other coworker, who is even quieter than I am. I was good! Clear voice, and I thought of plenty to say. Plenty to say, because I had a lot of questions. It was the typical 1-on-1 situation where I've been able to keep the conversation going, but have been too inhibited to really completely be myself. In this case, that last part doesn't matter so much - being a little reserved is natural at work, though it was a bit more so than I would prefer.
I don't mean to bore you! Just thought this needed to be documented.
In other news......
I'm going on another first-date this Sunday. And I just got an e-mail from the girl I went out with on my last date. She initiated communication yet again, which means she's definitely still interested, despite our mediocre-at-best third date. I'm planning to not see her again, but that's definitely very encouraging!
Finally, I promise to try to start writing the "Master Plan" running entry tomorrow. I plan to do this every week, but never get around to it. No more procrastination :-)
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