Pulse: Date #28

April 3rd - May 18th. It lasted an unbelievable six weeks, but the Grand Lull has finally come to an end.

First off, this hasn't been a case of me doing absolutely nothing for six weeks. I've been doing a lot more talking at work the last couple weeks, mainly because it's finally been needed for me to do my job. And last Thursday at lunch, I actually fell into being myself for a bit, having a lighthearted 1-on-1 debate with one of my coworkers (Windows versus Linux - computer geek stuff!).

Also, I've stuck with the football team I joined, which is in a social league. Most weeks have been pretty good, but last Saturday was very mixed. I was good sometimes, and unbelievably bad at others. We had a cookout after the games, and one of my female teammates asked me some questions about myself. Somehow, I forgot to elaborate (one of the several topics that will be in the Master Plan entry when I finally get around to updating it), and gave some one-word answers. It was pretty bad - to the extent that she jokingly said, "You're a man of few words!" When she asked me what I do on weekends, I totally drew a blank.

"Lots of different stuff..."
"Like what?"
"....."

Then I said movies, and stuff like that. It was strange, because I actually do a lot of interesting things on weekends - at least since I started this mission of mine. I ride horses every week, I've shot skeet, I've done rock climbing, I've taken dates to dinner theaters, played laser tag, tried unusual restaurants, gone to great concerts, visited a psychic... I took a hip-hop dance class, fooled around with golf...all kinds of stuff! But when she asked, none of it came to mind. Baffling!

The truth of the matter is, I was under some stress that day. Completely unrelated to this mission of mine, I was being affected by some of the rough parts of life that everyone has to go through. Not directly affecting me, this time, but being enough to have me feeling down and a little stressed. I figure that contributed to me temporarily reverting to my pre-mission level of social futility during that conversation.

That was Saturday, and I had a date planned for Sunday. Needless to say, I found the incident very alarming. I was quite interested in this next girl I'd be meeting, and I didn't want to crash and burn in another terrible date like the first ones when this all began. After six weeks, would I be horribly rusty? Would it be like starting all over again? Like back in August?

I decided to be pro-active and learn from the experience, and planned to go home and write out a list of things about myself so that they might come to mind when I was asked another question. I figured it'd be the opposite of my conversation topics list - a list of answers instead of questions.

When we were standing around, I made it a point to go up to one of my male teammates and start a conversation. And I did! We talked about sports for around 10 minutes, and I made it a point to interject some things about myself instead of just asking questions. One of the things I've learned in this group and in general is that most people don't seem to be used to the concept of needing to ask questions to get you to talk about yourself. If I don't interject such information on my own, the conversation usually turns into me mostly just asking questions.

And so came Sunday.

As luck would have it, I lost my internet access Saturday night. I couldn't review my date's eHarmony profile, nor could I review our e-mail conversations or my general list of conversation topics. I gathered most of it from memory and notes on my PC, but still - come time for the date, I still felt quite stressed from lack of sleep, trepidation about being rusty, and the depressing-part-of-life I'd been experiencing. But realizing as clearly as ever that my own time on earth is quite limited, I was determined to go through with resuming my mission.

And at last, she appeared at Starbucks - my 19th first-date from the Internet. I did the usual - said hello, asked a question about coffee, and asked how her weekend was going. As always, I felt less anxious after having met her and exchanged a few words, but I still felt just a little off. I had a great joke planned for her, but it completely slipped my mind until after we parted ways (read on - that part's interesting).

The date was pretty much the usual. I was able to ask questions and give some brief answers, and even make a few humorous comments...but I knew I wasn't loose. I wasn't myself. The whole thing was very stiff, and a little boring. One of the things I'd been thinking about over the last six weeks was the fact that these dates just aren't going to work out if I can't be myself with the other person. The conversation topics and all of that isn't really important! When I talk to the (coincidentally, female) friend that I made back in August, I don't need any of that. I'm automatically relaxed; it takes no effort to think of what to say, and I'm not reduced to searching my mind for a question like "what kind of food do you like?" The conversation just naturally flows with her - the way it does between most "normal" people.

I'd planned to sort of just imagine the way I feel when I talk to one of my two friends. I've done it in passing, and felt different - immediately more confident. But on this date, I was probably too stressed to manage that.

My goal was to end this date after 45 minutes, and it turned out to be a good idea, since we were experiencing repeated silences during the conversation. I remembered reading on her eHarmony profile that she thought it was obvious from the very beginning when two poeple have a connection. Our conversation was generally awkward, so I figured this one was definitely a goner. Nothing new, but I'd never see her again.

....or would I?

I glanced at my watch, and saw that it'd been almost an hour. I told her I'd better head back. Interestingly, she asked me a couple more questions, instead of just getting up to end our little chat. At the next silence, I asked if she wanted to head out, and so we did.

We walked to her cars, and.....here it is, folks....the point in every date blog entry where I tell you exactly what my date last said to me, and try to figure out what it means:

As we hugged, she said "well it was nice meeting you."

I said, "You too!"

And a short moment later, she added, "and I'm sure I'll talk to you soon."

What? That caught me more by surprise than anything I've seen so far. She was going to talk to me soon? Not later, but soon? And she was sure of it?!

Amazing, but it seems like she was still interested, despite all of the awkwardness. Maybe she perceived it as being partly due to herself. Or maybe she's a sweet girl who actually is patient enough to give us a chance, realizing that neither of us would be awkward if we were comfortable with each other. Or maybe I'm just so damn good-looking that my social skills didn't matter to her! Who knows!

But, it felt good, and it was a major relief to have the first date after the 6-week lull finally over with. I'm going to ask her out again on Friday, so I'll be sure to let you know if she accepts. In the meantime, my next first-date is set for Wednesday, and I hope to keep it going and going after that - all the way up to the blog's 1-year anniversary, if at all possible. I'll stop writing now so that I can get some sleep, reduce my stress, and focus on relaxing instead of being tense for the next shindig.