As I sat down to update the blog this evening, I realized that tomorrow's date is December 1. At some point along the way, I had January 1, 2009 in mind for the day that I would declare mission accomplished, putting an end to all of this. My dream was to celebrate New Year's surrounded by friends, kissing my girlfriend at midnight.
The fact of the matter is that we're not quite there yet. As evidenced in the lab notes, I have no girlfriend with whom to ring in the new year. The good news, though, is that I could. In the latter part of this year, I came closer than ever before. I gained the ability to be myself around others, even when there was mutual romantic interest. Now, the only missing piece is to find the right person for me.
As for friendships: I've made progress on that front as well. On November 12, my favorite basketball team was in town for a game. I'd attended the past few years with my family, with whom I was able to shout, cheer, and taunt opposing fans - even in my pre-mission days. Finally, I had a chance to go to the game with friends, which, thanks to the mission, I now had.
Of course, I invited Amorita, who has become a very close friend in the last 15 months. I asked if she wanted to bring anyone, and she invited her friend Jannette, who I'd met and joked around with at Amorita's birthday parties.
I also sent a text message inviting Neola, the girl I met at a nightclub when I followed my impulse to speak to her. We'd hung out together once since then, and had a fun time. She accepted the invitation, and we met up in the city for the game.
It took me a few minutes to warm up, but I was soon back to effortlessly being myself with Neola. I could sense the change from being somewhat mechanical to being relaxed. When she asked if I liked a song that was playing in the arena, I could feel my mind shift from a mode of trying to come up with conversation topics to one of merely following impulses, saying and doing whatever I felt. It's a subtlety that's not easily described in words, but one that everyone who overcomes shyness will experience and understand.
After walking around for a while, we met up with Amorita and Jannette. The meeting represented an interesting personal milestone for me: it would be the first time in my entire 25-year life that I would introduce one of my friends to another. It would be the first time that I would be hanging out with multiple friends.
Using the plural form of that word is a glorious thing for me.
I hugged Jannette, and pointed out that the three had actually all been at the same club a few months ago, where Amorita held her birthday party. They talked briefly, and we found our seats for the game.
I was happy, and having a lot of fun. I sat next to Neola, and we talked throughout the game. She presumably wasn't a big basketball fan, so we chatted about things like her new job, music, nightclubs, and her boyfriend. I remembered how talkative she was, and how much I liked her. Amorita sat on my other side and hung out with Jannette most of the time (they disappeared for about a quarter and a half), so I was glad Amorita had brought someone instead of me inviting 3 people who would have been meeting for the first time. I was as uninhibited as ever, perfectly able to shout, cheer, and taunt in the presence of my three friends.
My team lost the game, but it was still one of the best nights of my life. After the loss, I still had so much enthusiasm that I started doing a little dancing to the music as I stood with Neola at the door waiting for the others. I walked the three ladies to the train station, and said goodnight.
___________________
I've also gotten back into the dating game. I went on my 41st date with a girl I'd been talking to on eHarmony. She'd written an unusually large amount in her e-mails, but there had yet to be a real connection. When I first saw her at Starbucks, I knew that I didn't have enough physical attraction to her. From that moment on, I pretty much blew it. It was one of the ebbs in the ebb-and-flow of the mission, as I started thinking about the fact that I wasn't interested instead of staying present. She did an astounding percentage of the talking, which only served to exacerbate the situation, making it easier for me to yield to internal thoughts instead of participating actively. As a result, I wasn't myself.
We stayed an hour and a half, until the coffee shop closed down. The evening underscored the importance of staying present, which I could never stress enough. It demonstrated again that I generally need to have real interest in someone in order for a date to go well; knowing that I'll never see someone again decreases my motivation profusely. Finally, date #41 was a reminder to never sweat these things, because it really doesn't take much when someone is interested in you. Even though I did little more than smile and nod, my date was still obviously enthusiastic about being with me ,up through the very end, when she said she'd talk to me soon.
___________________
And so, I'm moving forward, looking for that elusive connection and mutual attraction.
Actually, I don't expect it to be all that elusive. That last date was only the second person I'd met up with since having a breakthrough in being myself with Autumn. Being uninhibited on dates is still relatively uncharted territory for me. I expect to have enormous success with it, since it's honestly hard to imagine a woman not being interested after seeing the real me. I'm fantastic!
I am now communicating with exactly 8 interested women - all from eHarmony. Since turning 25, I've gotten tons of great matches, and have had had a near-100% response rate from women I've initiated communication with. I haven't changed a single word in my profile; it's just that eHarmony has a lot of women who are 26 and older, and most of them have chosen to only be matched with guys who are 25 and up.
After I get over this pesky cold, I plan to start dating them. Having so many options - an absurd number, perhaps - has already started to take the edge off, putting me at ease. I talked on the phone with a girl named Chante, in one of the rare instances - twice in 15 months - that someone asked to talk instead of e-mail. I was my now-usual relaxed, confident, funny self. Even when there was a silent lull in the conversation, I was unphased. She asked if I was a phone person, and if I was a quiet. I told her no, I'm definitely not a phone person, but I'm not a quiet person, either - just the opposite!
I've always felt as if phone conversations were the most difficult situation, so I'm now completely sure that I will continue to be just as relaxed once we're together in the flesh.
With 8 prospects (I could have more, but I turned off eHarmony matching to keep it reasonable), things are pretty exciting. I'm under no pressure at all, and know that I can simply laugh off any date that doesn't go well - if that even happens. I'm also inclined to do a little experimenting since I have nothing to lose, and since I may ultimately need to trim the field down to just a few girls.
___________________
For all this online dating, though, I'm starting to feel as if I want to find my match elsewhere. It has served me well for my initial purposes, but online dating poses some complications that have been problematic in many cases already. First and foremost, it inherently provides too much competition. No matter how crazy about me a girl I meet on eHarmony is, the simple fact of the matter is that the mystical matching system is going to continue to present her with other options via e-mail, not to mention that she'll want to get her money's worth out of her membership. Not only that, but the women I meet through that medium are usually in the mindset of dating, as in going out with multiple people, and seeing what's out there.
The alternative, of course, would be to meet someone offline. In that case, I will have to actually leave the house in order to land the initial Starbucks date, but the aforementioned problems will be either reduced or eliminated. I also won't have to deal with things like not being interested in the girl after seeing her, since an in-person screening will have already been done. I've never moved backwards, becoming inhibited with someone after being myself with them, so there should also be no more inhibition ebbs.
Obviously, the mission could never be complete without me being able to do something as simple as get a date without using the Internet. I don't have any specific plans yet, but my thought is that all it will take is a little daring, and winning in return.
I do, however, have some specific plans for making more friends offline. I have what I believe is an amazingly brilliant plan to make a bunch of good friends that I'll be able to hang out with. You'll never guess what it is, so there's no need to try. It's pretty ingenious, and I will share as soon as I try it as see a few results.
The fact of the matter is that we're not quite there yet. As evidenced in the lab notes, I have no girlfriend with whom to ring in the new year. The good news, though, is that I could. In the latter part of this year, I came closer than ever before. I gained the ability to be myself around others, even when there was mutual romantic interest. Now, the only missing piece is to find the right person for me.
As for friendships: I've made progress on that front as well. On November 12, my favorite basketball team was in town for a game. I'd attended the past few years with my family, with whom I was able to shout, cheer, and taunt opposing fans - even in my pre-mission days. Finally, I had a chance to go to the game with friends, which, thanks to the mission, I now had.
Of course, I invited Amorita, who has become a very close friend in the last 15 months. I asked if she wanted to bring anyone, and she invited her friend Jannette, who I'd met and joked around with at Amorita's birthday parties.
I also sent a text message inviting Neola, the girl I met at a nightclub when I followed my impulse to speak to her. We'd hung out together once since then, and had a fun time. She accepted the invitation, and we met up in the city for the game.
It took me a few minutes to warm up, but I was soon back to effortlessly being myself with Neola. I could sense the change from being somewhat mechanical to being relaxed. When she asked if I liked a song that was playing in the arena, I could feel my mind shift from a mode of trying to come up with conversation topics to one of merely following impulses, saying and doing whatever I felt. It's a subtlety that's not easily described in words, but one that everyone who overcomes shyness will experience and understand.
After walking around for a while, we met up with Amorita and Jannette. The meeting represented an interesting personal milestone for me: it would be the first time in my entire 25-year life that I would introduce one of my friends to another. It would be the first time that I would be hanging out with multiple friends.
Using the plural form of that word is a glorious thing for me.
I hugged Jannette, and pointed out that the three had actually all been at the same club a few months ago, where Amorita held her birthday party. They talked briefly, and we found our seats for the game.
I was happy, and having a lot of fun. I sat next to Neola, and we talked throughout the game. She presumably wasn't a big basketball fan, so we chatted about things like her new job, music, nightclubs, and her boyfriend. I remembered how talkative she was, and how much I liked her. Amorita sat on my other side and hung out with Jannette most of the time (they disappeared for about a quarter and a half), so I was glad Amorita had brought someone instead of me inviting 3 people who would have been meeting for the first time. I was as uninhibited as ever, perfectly able to shout, cheer, and taunt in the presence of my three friends.
My team lost the game, but it was still one of the best nights of my life. After the loss, I still had so much enthusiasm that I started doing a little dancing to the music as I stood with Neola at the door waiting for the others. I walked the three ladies to the train station, and said goodnight.
___________________
I've also gotten back into the dating game. I went on my 41st date with a girl I'd been talking to on eHarmony. She'd written an unusually large amount in her e-mails, but there had yet to be a real connection. When I first saw her at Starbucks, I knew that I didn't have enough physical attraction to her. From that moment on, I pretty much blew it. It was one of the ebbs in the ebb-and-flow of the mission, as I started thinking about the fact that I wasn't interested instead of staying present. She did an astounding percentage of the talking, which only served to exacerbate the situation, making it easier for me to yield to internal thoughts instead of participating actively. As a result, I wasn't myself.
We stayed an hour and a half, until the coffee shop closed down. The evening underscored the importance of staying present, which I could never stress enough. It demonstrated again that I generally need to have real interest in someone in order for a date to go well; knowing that I'll never see someone again decreases my motivation profusely. Finally, date #41 was a reminder to never sweat these things, because it really doesn't take much when someone is interested in you. Even though I did little more than smile and nod, my date was still obviously enthusiastic about being with me ,up through the very end, when she said she'd talk to me soon.
___________________
And so, I'm moving forward, looking for that elusive connection and mutual attraction.
Actually, I don't expect it to be all that elusive. That last date was only the second person I'd met up with since having a breakthrough in being myself with Autumn. Being uninhibited on dates is still relatively uncharted territory for me. I expect to have enormous success with it, since it's honestly hard to imagine a woman not being interested after seeing the real me. I'm fantastic!
I am now communicating with exactly 8 interested women - all from eHarmony. Since turning 25, I've gotten tons of great matches, and have had had a near-100% response rate from women I've initiated communication with. I haven't changed a single word in my profile; it's just that eHarmony has a lot of women who are 26 and older, and most of them have chosen to only be matched with guys who are 25 and up.
After I get over this pesky cold, I plan to start dating them. Having so many options - an absurd number, perhaps - has already started to take the edge off, putting me at ease. I talked on the phone with a girl named Chante, in one of the rare instances - twice in 15 months - that someone asked to talk instead of e-mail. I was my now-usual relaxed, confident, funny self. Even when there was a silent lull in the conversation, I was unphased. She asked if I was a phone person, and if I was a quiet. I told her no, I'm definitely not a phone person, but I'm not a quiet person, either - just the opposite!
I've always felt as if phone conversations were the most difficult situation, so I'm now completely sure that I will continue to be just as relaxed once we're together in the flesh.
With 8 prospects (I could have more, but I turned off eHarmony matching to keep it reasonable), things are pretty exciting. I'm under no pressure at all, and know that I can simply laugh off any date that doesn't go well - if that even happens. I'm also inclined to do a little experimenting since I have nothing to lose, and since I may ultimately need to trim the field down to just a few girls.
___________________
For all this online dating, though, I'm starting to feel as if I want to find my match elsewhere. It has served me well for my initial purposes, but online dating poses some complications that have been problematic in many cases already. First and foremost, it inherently provides too much competition. No matter how crazy about me a girl I meet on eHarmony is, the simple fact of the matter is that the mystical matching system is going to continue to present her with other options via e-mail, not to mention that she'll want to get her money's worth out of her membership. Not only that, but the women I meet through that medium are usually in the mindset of dating, as in going out with multiple people, and seeing what's out there.
The alternative, of course, would be to meet someone offline. In that case, I will have to actually leave the house in order to land the initial Starbucks date, but the aforementioned problems will be either reduced or eliminated. I also won't have to deal with things like not being interested in the girl after seeing her, since an in-person screening will have already been done. I've never moved backwards, becoming inhibited with someone after being myself with them, so there should also be no more inhibition ebbs.
Obviously, the mission could never be complete without me being able to do something as simple as get a date without using the Internet. I don't have any specific plans yet, but my thought is that all it will take is a little daring, and winning in return.
I do, however, have some specific plans for making more friends offline. I have what I believe is an amazingly brilliant plan to make a bunch of good friends that I'll be able to hang out with. You'll never guess what it is, so there's no need to try. It's pretty ingenious, and I will share as soon as I try it as see a few results.
No comments:
Post a Comment