In the lonely years before this blog, I had one simple question. How do people meet other people? Since beginning my mission, I've come up with a few solutions. Meeting people online, joining clubs, and now meeting friends of friends have all been helpful. Last night, though, I finally discovered the single, absolute answer to my question.
____
I went to a small nightclub to celebrate Amorita's birthday, for the second week in a row. I invited Cathy, but she couldn't make it. When I found my friend on the dance floor, she introduced me to a few of her other friends. I only managed to ask a couple of questions about the environment until I got to speak to someone alone. I introduced myself to one of the boyfriends, then asked if he'd been to the club before. I followed up with some questions about where he'd driven in from, which led to other stuff like our jobs and traffic. When there were pauses in the conversation, I thought of new questions or comments, but it was all pretty natural this time. Topics were coming to mind from my interactions last week, and it was making a difference. Practice makes perfect.
I was warming up. As far as I can tell, I have slain the beast of inhibition, and it now just takes me a little while to loosen up in a new environment.
I walked over to our table, where some other people with our party were sitting. I introduced myself to one girl, but she said we'd already met last week. Really? I didn't remember it at all.
From this point, I decided that if I wasn't sure if I had already met someone, I would just assume that I already had. It was the perfect opportunity to practice assumed rapport, the key principle I observed last week.
I was feeling good. The girl Liz who I spent so much time playing with last week was there, but this time, she had brought her fiance. When I saw him, I immediately smiled at them and introduced myself. She had told me a lot about him - and that's exactly what I told him. I knew he was a soccer fanatic, so I asked him all about it, and he seemed happy to talk about it. I stood around the table chatting with him and the first guy I'd talked to earlier, and....you guessed it! I was myself. Conversation, lighthearted humor...it was all coming easily. I didn't have any fancy conversation topics from the blog in mind. Instead, I just started out asking obvious questions, like whether they'd been to any other clubs in the area. The conversation skills I've developed in the past year were serving me well, and I realized it was one of the few times I've gotten to play with other males during the mission.
That was awesome, but for whatever reason, I have an easier time cutting loose and playing with women.
Back on the dance floor, I danced with a group of hot Asian girls. They were dancing with each other, but unlike one of the times I went out alone, I didn't feel intimidated. I interacted with them, winking at the cutest one, shouting "you go girl!", and stuff like that.
I was the only one in the club wearing sunglasses, so I figured I stood out. I spotted a tall, slim, attractive, fair-skinned girl with dark hair on the dance floor, and when she saw me, I heard her say "look at this guy!" She came over to me, and took my hands. We only danced for a moment, and then she backed away a bit, and seemed to be trying to show me the correct motions. We starting dancing again, and she turned her back to me and moved her body into mine. It was sexy, but after a couple of moments, her friends interrupted us.
I stood by as she talked to them. My only interaction with her in life had been a couple minutes of sporadic dancing, but I simply acted as if we were a couple and I was waiting for her. The principle of assuming rapport seemed to be working, because I started to feel as if we were actually together.
That girl tried to find some other guys to dance with, so I got the idea that she didn't think I was a very good dancer. It only took me about a minute to realize that it didn't matter. The dance floor was tiny compared to the others I've been on, so I headed back to my party's table to find someone else to play with.
By now, I was totally warmed up. I was ready to act a fool.
I was standing by our table dancing, and one of the girls - who I didn't remember ever seeing - said to me, "You're a really good dancer." I asked if it was sarcasm, and she said yes. I don't think we had ever met, but I acted as if we were close friends or relatives, and joked with her about my dancing, and teased her for criticizing me while not dancing herself. I busted out moves over by the table, not caring if I stood out. I sang along and swayed my arms to "Hip-Hop Hooray," and did whatever else I wanted to do.
I treated the girl as my new Liz, and periodically joked around with her all night, even when she looked more annoyed than anything else.
Back to the dance floor! Whether it be "the dance floor," a date, or any other situation, the opportunity to play without inhibition is extremely exciting.
It was late, so the small dance floor had cleared out quite a bit. I spotted an attractive Hispanic girl walking on. I had been "present" the whole night, instead of ruminating about anything mentally, so I knew from observation that she wasn't with anybody. Without hesitation (critical for much of this stuff), I walked over and started dancing with her. I heard her friend say "get him!", so I knew she was going to play.
She said something to me, but I couldn't make it out. Instead, I just assumed it was positive. We danced facing each other for a couple of minutes, and I slowed down, relaxed, and was in rhythm. Soon, she turned her back and moved her body into mine. There was no one dancing near us, so we were going to be putting on a show.
We moved our pelvises rhythmically into each other. I put one hand around her waist, then another. I explored her hips and bare belly with my hands as I held her, while leaning forward and smelling the long, pretty hair that was in my face. I took one of her hands and raised it above her head, then did the same with another at some point while we danced. It was a sensual move I knew of only from observing couples in recent outings.
We were together for a pretty long time, and at moments our activity probably seemed more like simulated sex than dancing. I looked toward my party's table, and saw one of the girls I'd talked to, Jamie, watching us. She seemed to be in awe. Eventually, my dance partner turned around, and I held her in my arms for a moment while she tried to tell me something in my ear. I wasn't sure what she said - maybe that she would be right back - but I decided to go see what was going on with my group.
All the while, Amorita had been up to her usual antics: interacting with countless people and effortlessly making friends. After being the center of attention on the dance floor, I was feeling more confident than ever, and had a thought: Why don't I try to do what she does?
I had never tried initiating a conversation with a random person at a bar. In fact, I had never been to a bar before the mission. Between my confidence and new understanding of assumed rapport, it suddenly didn't seem like a difficult task. Not at all.
Drink in hand (orange juice...I'm doing all of these things without even a sip of alcohol), I walked around the lounge. There were tables seating groups on the sides; a bar in the middle with a few seats; the dance floor, and individuals or groups standing around everywhere in-between. That was all I had to work with.
The first time around, I thought about talking to a guy who was standing and nursing a drink, but decided against it. I was feeling positive, and didn't have even a moment's thought of giving up, or of anything else negative. I instead walked around again, and this time saw a pair of girls talking to each other, but decided against interrupting.
Finally, I noticed a young lady by the bar sitting with a drink, with a somewhat bored expression on her face. I had an opening phrase in mind from earlier, but otherwise didn't do any thinking. I walked over, bent down, and said, "What's going on over here?" without any hesitation. I learned that she was with a birthday party, and I told her that I was as well. I asked if she was dancing, and she said no. I stood up, and it was a brief lull in the conversation. I thought momentarily about just leaving, but then she asked, "What's your name?"
I then knew immediately that she wanted to continue our conversation. I said it was nice to meet her, and then one of us asked another question. I knelt down beside her, and it was just like any of the other successful conversations I've talked about here. I soon learned that she was from New York City, and commented that I didn't hear her accent. I asked how she liked the new city, and stuff like that. Really, it was mostly the type of conversation that I've encountered on my first 36 dates or so. All of that experience was paying off, because this was a piece of cake! Not only that, but I was effortlessly making humorous comments throughout the conversation.
We talked for about 10 minutes, and I realized what was happening. I had synthesized everything I'd learned in over a year of dedication to my mission, and I was only a moment away from what had long seemed impossible. I was about to, for the first time in my entire life, meet someone at random. It hadn't even crossed my mind when I decided to first speak to her, but I was now only one more question away from having completed a pickup. All I had to do was ask her for her phone number.
I hadn't planned to even attempt any milestones like a pickup that night. Instead, I was merely exploring the new world that has opened up to me since I've defeated inhibition. I hadn't even stopped to think whether or not I had any interest in the girl. I realized that in the next moment, but thought that I should ask for her phone number regardless, simply for the experience and for the milestone. In the next moment, I realized that she was both attractive and nice! I was interested.
Those thoughts rushed through my mind, but I was still pretty calm internally, and completely cool on the outside.
We had talked so long that I actually didn't quite remember her name. I said, "Pronounce your name for me again." I repeated it back, and that was it. One more phrase.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, flipped it open, and asked, "What's your phone number?"
It was that simple.
She said, "But I already have a boyfriend."
I was unphased.
"Ah, okay. It was nice talking to you."
I've studied these things online, so I was familiar with the situation, despite never having experienced it. This, though, was better than anything I would have imagined.
She added, "He knows I don't have friends though." I understood that she was just trying to make friends. Lo and behold, that's what I would have preferred, anyway! I pulled my phone back out, flipped it open, and said, "Ok, lets do it then."
She gave me her phone number, and verified that my cell phone entry was correct. I excused myself, and told her I'd talk to her later.
As I walked back to my group, I finally knew the answer to my question, How do people meet other people?
They talk to them.
____
I went to a small nightclub to celebrate Amorita's birthday, for the second week in a row. I invited Cathy, but she couldn't make it. When I found my friend on the dance floor, she introduced me to a few of her other friends. I only managed to ask a couple of questions about the environment until I got to speak to someone alone. I introduced myself to one of the boyfriends, then asked if he'd been to the club before. I followed up with some questions about where he'd driven in from, which led to other stuff like our jobs and traffic. When there were pauses in the conversation, I thought of new questions or comments, but it was all pretty natural this time. Topics were coming to mind from my interactions last week, and it was making a difference. Practice makes perfect.
I was warming up. As far as I can tell, I have slain the beast of inhibition, and it now just takes me a little while to loosen up in a new environment.
I walked over to our table, where some other people with our party were sitting. I introduced myself to one girl, but she said we'd already met last week. Really? I didn't remember it at all.
From this point, I decided that if I wasn't sure if I had already met someone, I would just assume that I already had. It was the perfect opportunity to practice assumed rapport, the key principle I observed last week.
I was feeling good. The girl Liz who I spent so much time playing with last week was there, but this time, she had brought her fiance. When I saw him, I immediately smiled at them and introduced myself. She had told me a lot about him - and that's exactly what I told him. I knew he was a soccer fanatic, so I asked him all about it, and he seemed happy to talk about it. I stood around the table chatting with him and the first guy I'd talked to earlier, and....you guessed it! I was myself. Conversation, lighthearted humor...it was all coming easily. I didn't have any fancy conversation topics from the blog in mind. Instead, I just started out asking obvious questions, like whether they'd been to any other clubs in the area. The conversation skills I've developed in the past year were serving me well, and I realized it was one of the few times I've gotten to play with other males during the mission.
That was awesome, but for whatever reason, I have an easier time cutting loose and playing with women.
Back on the dance floor, I danced with a group of hot Asian girls. They were dancing with each other, but unlike one of the times I went out alone, I didn't feel intimidated. I interacted with them, winking at the cutest one, shouting "you go girl!", and stuff like that.
I was the only one in the club wearing sunglasses, so I figured I stood out. I spotted a tall, slim, attractive, fair-skinned girl with dark hair on the dance floor, and when she saw me, I heard her say "look at this guy!" She came over to me, and took my hands. We only danced for a moment, and then she backed away a bit, and seemed to be trying to show me the correct motions. We starting dancing again, and she turned her back to me and moved her body into mine. It was sexy, but after a couple of moments, her friends interrupted us.
I stood by as she talked to them. My only interaction with her in life had been a couple minutes of sporadic dancing, but I simply acted as if we were a couple and I was waiting for her. The principle of assuming rapport seemed to be working, because I started to feel as if we were actually together.
That girl tried to find some other guys to dance with, so I got the idea that she didn't think I was a very good dancer. It only took me about a minute to realize that it didn't matter. The dance floor was tiny compared to the others I've been on, so I headed back to my party's table to find someone else to play with.
By now, I was totally warmed up. I was ready to act a fool.
I was standing by our table dancing, and one of the girls - who I didn't remember ever seeing - said to me, "You're a really good dancer." I asked if it was sarcasm, and she said yes. I don't think we had ever met, but I acted as if we were close friends or relatives, and joked with her about my dancing, and teased her for criticizing me while not dancing herself. I busted out moves over by the table, not caring if I stood out. I sang along and swayed my arms to "Hip-Hop Hooray," and did whatever else I wanted to do.
I treated the girl as my new Liz, and periodically joked around with her all night, even when she looked more annoyed than anything else.
Back to the dance floor! Whether it be "the dance floor," a date, or any other situation, the opportunity to play without inhibition is extremely exciting.
It was late, so the small dance floor had cleared out quite a bit. I spotted an attractive Hispanic girl walking on. I had been "present" the whole night, instead of ruminating about anything mentally, so I knew from observation that she wasn't with anybody. Without hesitation (critical for much of this stuff), I walked over and started dancing with her. I heard her friend say "get him!", so I knew she was going to play.
She said something to me, but I couldn't make it out. Instead, I just assumed it was positive. We danced facing each other for a couple of minutes, and I slowed down, relaxed, and was in rhythm. Soon, she turned her back and moved her body into mine. There was no one dancing near us, so we were going to be putting on a show.
We moved our pelvises rhythmically into each other. I put one hand around her waist, then another. I explored her hips and bare belly with my hands as I held her, while leaning forward and smelling the long, pretty hair that was in my face. I took one of her hands and raised it above her head, then did the same with another at some point while we danced. It was a sensual move I knew of only from observing couples in recent outings.
We were together for a pretty long time, and at moments our activity probably seemed more like simulated sex than dancing. I looked toward my party's table, and saw one of the girls I'd talked to, Jamie, watching us. She seemed to be in awe. Eventually, my dance partner turned around, and I held her in my arms for a moment while she tried to tell me something in my ear. I wasn't sure what she said - maybe that she would be right back - but I decided to go see what was going on with my group.
All the while, Amorita had been up to her usual antics: interacting with countless people and effortlessly making friends. After being the center of attention on the dance floor, I was feeling more confident than ever, and had a thought: Why don't I try to do what she does?
I had never tried initiating a conversation with a random person at a bar. In fact, I had never been to a bar before the mission. Between my confidence and new understanding of assumed rapport, it suddenly didn't seem like a difficult task. Not at all.
Drink in hand (orange juice...I'm doing all of these things without even a sip of alcohol), I walked around the lounge. There were tables seating groups on the sides; a bar in the middle with a few seats; the dance floor, and individuals or groups standing around everywhere in-between. That was all I had to work with.
The first time around, I thought about talking to a guy who was standing and nursing a drink, but decided against it. I was feeling positive, and didn't have even a moment's thought of giving up, or of anything else negative. I instead walked around again, and this time saw a pair of girls talking to each other, but decided against interrupting.
Finally, I noticed a young lady by the bar sitting with a drink, with a somewhat bored expression on her face. I had an opening phrase in mind from earlier, but otherwise didn't do any thinking. I walked over, bent down, and said, "What's going on over here?" without any hesitation. I learned that she was with a birthday party, and I told her that I was as well. I asked if she was dancing, and she said no. I stood up, and it was a brief lull in the conversation. I thought momentarily about just leaving, but then she asked, "What's your name?"
I then knew immediately that she wanted to continue our conversation. I said it was nice to meet her, and then one of us asked another question. I knelt down beside her, and it was just like any of the other successful conversations I've talked about here. I soon learned that she was from New York City, and commented that I didn't hear her accent. I asked how she liked the new city, and stuff like that. Really, it was mostly the type of conversation that I've encountered on my first 36 dates or so. All of that experience was paying off, because this was a piece of cake! Not only that, but I was effortlessly making humorous comments throughout the conversation.
We talked for about 10 minutes, and I realized what was happening. I had synthesized everything I'd learned in over a year of dedication to my mission, and I was only a moment away from what had long seemed impossible. I was about to, for the first time in my entire life, meet someone at random. It hadn't even crossed my mind when I decided to first speak to her, but I was now only one more question away from having completed a pickup. All I had to do was ask her for her phone number.
I hadn't planned to even attempt any milestones like a pickup that night. Instead, I was merely exploring the new world that has opened up to me since I've defeated inhibition. I hadn't even stopped to think whether or not I had any interest in the girl. I realized that in the next moment, but thought that I should ask for her phone number regardless, simply for the experience and for the milestone. In the next moment, I realized that she was both attractive and nice! I was interested.
Those thoughts rushed through my mind, but I was still pretty calm internally, and completely cool on the outside.
We had talked so long that I actually didn't quite remember her name. I said, "Pronounce your name for me again." I repeated it back, and that was it. One more phrase.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, flipped it open, and asked, "What's your phone number?"
It was that simple.
She said, "But I already have a boyfriend."
I was unphased.
"Ah, okay. It was nice talking to you."
I've studied these things online, so I was familiar with the situation, despite never having experienced it. This, though, was better than anything I would have imagined.
She added, "He knows I don't have friends though." I understood that she was just trying to make friends. Lo and behold, that's what I would have preferred, anyway! I pulled my phone back out, flipped it open, and said, "Ok, lets do it then."
She gave me her phone number, and verified that my cell phone entry was correct. I excused myself, and told her I'd talk to her later.
As I walked back to my group, I finally knew the answer to my question, How do people meet other people?
They talk to them.
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