I've been keeping the blog up-to-date with the most interesting events of my social life, but there has been much more going on than I've had time to write about. In particular, it's been a long time since I've revisited one critical situation: the office.
I started my first job a little over 8 months ago. At the time, I thought it would be, in essence, my secret weapon in the mission. The idea was that it would provide me with a perfectly consistent 8 hours per day of social opportunities, where I'd be immersed, and would have no choice but to interact with people regularly. That seemed like a great way to boost my skills - so how has it been turning out?
Starting out, it really wasn't so great. For the first several months, my job just didn't require me to interact much with my coworkers, and so I didn't see much improvement, if any. Instead of growing, I simply adapted to the situation, as I probably could have even before the mission.
In the past couple months or so, things have really started to pick up. I write computer software, and now other people have started testing my project, so I've had many more opportunities to interact. Far away now are the days when I'd go to work and come home having said so few words that I could count them on my fingers. I've been working with other developers, testers, my manager, and the company president on all kinds of technical stuff. I've become very comfortable in most of these situations. I can usually speak clearly and confidently, but still, there are some issues.
With my peers, I have no problem at all. I'm reserved at work, but it's professional, so I don't expect it to to be like the spectacular socializing I've been talking about lately. (Actually, there is an extreme difference at this point. I'm a social Clark Kent at work, and a social Superman when I leave).
With my manager, I'm about just as good. He's a super nice, funny guy, and I see and talk to him almost every day. He's that rare, special type of person who makes everyone feel comfortable.
I work for a small company, where the President is also a super nice, great guy. He has a heart of gold and, in fact, I can't say that I've known anyone nicer. I don't see him every day though, and it's been obvious that for some reason, I get a little nervous when I work with him. Case in point: I am a straight up wizard when it comes to computers, and especially what I do at work. The other day, I was showing him something on my laptop, though, and felt some anxiety. I became tentative in performing what would ordinarily be as easy for me as breathing. I suppose it's the whole "authority figure" thing that many shy people have issues with, and it sucks.
On a smaller scale, I can see the same issue with my manager. When I've wanted to come in a little early so that I could leave a little early for an appointment, I've avoided asking, even though I know he wouldn't mind the slightest bit. Despite all of my other progress, it's a mental roadblock. I'm not yet sure how to shake my inhibition and be myself with these people, who own and run my company. Outside of work, the thing that has worked best has been joking around. What am I supposed to do - tease these guys? I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out. These are the last few remaining obstacles on the mission.
In spite of the roadblocks, I demonstrated some pretty spectacular progress last week, and I wish you could have been there to see it. For the first time since graduate school, I had to give a presentation, this time in front of my manager and about 11 others.
Before the mission, this would have been the most daunting of tasks. In college and graduate school, I went to the extreme of avoiding classes altogether if I knew I would have to give a presentation. When I had no choice but to deal with them, I worried for days, and felt the strongest feeling of anxiety during performance, which at times led to talking fast, shaking, stumbling, and all kinds of stuff you are probably all too familiar with.
This time, I (deliberately) didn't worry about it at all. I prepared a few hours before, and that was it.
When the time came, I simply showed up. It was an informal atmosphere, in a room full of people I'd talked to comfortably one-on-one in the past, so I knew I should be fine. For this presentation, I could sit down, so I took full advantage. I slouched slightly in my chair, recalling the "high status" confident body language my acting instructor once mentioned. I allowed myself to feel fully confident, knowing without doubt that I knew the topic of the presentation - my own work - far better than anyone else.
My state of mind was reflected in my voice - clear and confident. To my surprise, I was able to answer questions easily, giving clear explanations without any stumbling. If I made a slight error, I simply ignored it and moved on.
With each answered question, I felt more and more confident. When my manager was called away from the room, I had to take over and guide the discussion, explaining features of my product without questions to prompt me. I was amazed at how easily I could do it. Smooth, calm, relaxed - it was the antithesis of most of my past experiences with presentations.
After the nearly 2-hour presentation was over, my manager thanked me and complimented me several times. "Great job." He wasn't just being nice - it was actually really good! I had improved vastly from my school days without actually practicing, so I can't help but think that specific presentation skills are far less important than the mental skills of being relaxed and confident.
As I continue to gain a better understanding of how I'm able to pull these things off, I promise to help elucidate the technique for everyone else. In the meantime, I still have those few barriers to deal with. Tomorrow, I'm going out to lunch, for the first time, with my manager, the President, and one of the other founders of the company. Today, I couldn't even seem to think of anything to say to the other founder, who is from France and is only in town this week. Still, though I'm in no way worried about tomorrow, and instead embrace the opportunity.
How will I open up with these guys? Do I really have to play tease and play around with them, as if they were the 20-something-year-old girls I've talked about in other posts?
Don't put it past me: I'm on a mission.
I started my first job a little over 8 months ago. At the time, I thought it would be, in essence, my secret weapon in the mission. The idea was that it would provide me with a perfectly consistent 8 hours per day of social opportunities, where I'd be immersed, and would have no choice but to interact with people regularly. That seemed like a great way to boost my skills - so how has it been turning out?
Starting out, it really wasn't so great. For the first several months, my job just didn't require me to interact much with my coworkers, and so I didn't see much improvement, if any. Instead of growing, I simply adapted to the situation, as I probably could have even before the mission.
In the past couple months or so, things have really started to pick up. I write computer software, and now other people have started testing my project, so I've had many more opportunities to interact. Far away now are the days when I'd go to work and come home having said so few words that I could count them on my fingers. I've been working with other developers, testers, my manager, and the company president on all kinds of technical stuff. I've become very comfortable in most of these situations. I can usually speak clearly and confidently, but still, there are some issues.
With my peers, I have no problem at all. I'm reserved at work, but it's professional, so I don't expect it to to be like the spectacular socializing I've been talking about lately. (Actually, there is an extreme difference at this point. I'm a social Clark Kent at work, and a social Superman when I leave).
With my manager, I'm about just as good. He's a super nice, funny guy, and I see and talk to him almost every day. He's that rare, special type of person who makes everyone feel comfortable.
I work for a small company, where the President is also a super nice, great guy. He has a heart of gold and, in fact, I can't say that I've known anyone nicer. I don't see him every day though, and it's been obvious that for some reason, I get a little nervous when I work with him. Case in point: I am a straight up wizard when it comes to computers, and especially what I do at work. The other day, I was showing him something on my laptop, though, and felt some anxiety. I became tentative in performing what would ordinarily be as easy for me as breathing. I suppose it's the whole "authority figure" thing that many shy people have issues with, and it sucks.
On a smaller scale, I can see the same issue with my manager. When I've wanted to come in a little early so that I could leave a little early for an appointment, I've avoided asking, even though I know he wouldn't mind the slightest bit. Despite all of my other progress, it's a mental roadblock. I'm not yet sure how to shake my inhibition and be myself with these people, who own and run my company. Outside of work, the thing that has worked best has been joking around. What am I supposed to do - tease these guys? I'm not sure, but I'll figure it out. These are the last few remaining obstacles on the mission.
In spite of the roadblocks, I demonstrated some pretty spectacular progress last week, and I wish you could have been there to see it. For the first time since graduate school, I had to give a presentation, this time in front of my manager and about 11 others.
Before the mission, this would have been the most daunting of tasks. In college and graduate school, I went to the extreme of avoiding classes altogether if I knew I would have to give a presentation. When I had no choice but to deal with them, I worried for days, and felt the strongest feeling of anxiety during performance, which at times led to talking fast, shaking, stumbling, and all kinds of stuff you are probably all too familiar with.
This time, I (deliberately) didn't worry about it at all. I prepared a few hours before, and that was it.
When the time came, I simply showed up. It was an informal atmosphere, in a room full of people I'd talked to comfortably one-on-one in the past, so I knew I should be fine. For this presentation, I could sit down, so I took full advantage. I slouched slightly in my chair, recalling the "high status" confident body language my acting instructor once mentioned. I allowed myself to feel fully confident, knowing without doubt that I knew the topic of the presentation - my own work - far better than anyone else.
My state of mind was reflected in my voice - clear and confident. To my surprise, I was able to answer questions easily, giving clear explanations without any stumbling. If I made a slight error, I simply ignored it and moved on.
With each answered question, I felt more and more confident. When my manager was called away from the room, I had to take over and guide the discussion, explaining features of my product without questions to prompt me. I was amazed at how easily I could do it. Smooth, calm, relaxed - it was the antithesis of most of my past experiences with presentations.
After the nearly 2-hour presentation was over, my manager thanked me and complimented me several times. "Great job." He wasn't just being nice - it was actually really good! I had improved vastly from my school days without actually practicing, so I can't help but think that specific presentation skills are far less important than the mental skills of being relaxed and confident.
As I continue to gain a better understanding of how I'm able to pull these things off, I promise to help elucidate the technique for everyone else. In the meantime, I still have those few barriers to deal with. Tomorrow, I'm going out to lunch, for the first time, with my manager, the President, and one of the other founders of the company. Today, I couldn't even seem to think of anything to say to the other founder, who is from France and is only in town this week. Still, though I'm in no way worried about tomorrow, and instead embrace the opportunity.
How will I open up with these guys? Do I really have to play tease and play around with them, as if they were the 20-something-year-old girls I've talked about in other posts?
Don't put it past me: I'm on a mission.
No comments:
Post a Comment