After my last experience with what looked like it'd develop into a relationship, I've really taken some good advice to heart. I've essentially implemented the Ashlley Doctrine, in which I'm determined to keep dating multiple women until I'm in a Feycebook-official relationship.
And so, I met another one of my eHarmony matches on Monday. Carmen had been the exact opposite of Pernella, speaking less through e-mail than anyone I had ever met up with. Early on, she sent me a couple messages in which she only minimally responded to my questions, not asking me any in return. I told her I wasn't sensing much romantic interest from her, but I'd love to be friends.
She implied that she was interested after all.
Online, I'm obviously always able to be myself. In fact, I've largely shaped myself into who I am today by participating in these hundreds of online communications. My e-mails have a very confident tone, and my profile portrays me as a super fun, busy, exciting guy. When I started out, it was a huge stretch to come up with true words that would convey that message. Now, though, I've done so many things toward the aim of socializing that I've actually become that person.
Before I went to Miami, I told Carmen she was an enigma because I'd thought she'd only been responding to be polite. She said she was anything but; I countered by proclaiming, "Nope. You're fascinating, babe. I'm going to unravel the mystery."
It's that type of confidence that I maintain in all of my e-mails. It's that person who my dates expect to meet. It's a person who my dates are excited to meet; even Carmen was willing to meet up with me even when she was sick - so that she wouldn't miss the opportunity- but I told her we'd wait.
I knew so little about Carmen that I was planning to meet up with her mostly because it's always so fascinating to go on dates with people after talking to them online. Unlike with Pernella, there was as yet no connection. Nothing to put on the line. It was a just-for-fun date in my mind, and as a result, I had virtually no anxiety.
We met up at Starbucks.
________________________
I saw her through the window, ordering at the counter before I arrived. Unusually tall, with dark hair and glasses.
We hugged, and exchanged how-are-you's. I sat, but she implored me to order something so she wouldn't have to drink alone.
We exchanged how-are-you's once again. Already, I could hear the variance in inflection in my voice. I still had some warming up to do, but I knew that tonight, inhibition would play a minimal role.
Before the date, I thought about what to expect. I figured that since she hadn't had much to say online, she might be the most untalktative person I'd ever met. I might, for once, have to carry the conversation.
That ended up not being the case. I'd come with a handful of topics in mind, but as usual, didn't really need them. She seemed relaxed, and talkative enough for the both of us.
And so, we talked. I asked lots of questions, and she had lots to say. Soon, though, there was something striking about the conversation. We often weren't really talking about anything. Instead, there were jokes galore and a whole lot of silliness. She congratulated me on being the first person she'd met from eHarmony, and then said that I seemed more nervous than she. I joked that maybe I was just acting, and she responded with some bit about me being a midget in a costume. It would have all been pretty silly and unfunny, except for the fact that....we liked each other. It was an unmistakable feeling. I quickly became relaxed to the point that I could feel the difference in my body posture. After mentioning Feycebook (a good conversation topic for almost all young people), I said, "wanna see addicted?" and showed her one of my Feycebook cards. She got a kick out of it.
Carmen mentioned that she was taking a sculpting class and made figures, and I responded that I'd have to sculpt stick figures; she joked that they'd be figures, but that'd be about all. When I told her my age, she pointed out that she was a year older than me. I used my handy joke about my date being a sugar mama. She responded, "No....cougar!" and we both made a little rawr sound and clawing motion.
I realized that I've become an outstanding conversationalist when I'm uninhibited. I've learned that the most powerful thing one can do is to relate to his partner. Doing this, of course, requires that we know what is important to other individuals.
When we were talking about movies, Carmen mentioned seeing a new Holocaust film, among other things. With the Christmas music playing in the background, she later commented on how much she dislikes it, since she's Jewish and always had to hear so much growing up. Her religion was obviously important to her, and I had a chance to relate to it, in my typical humorous fashion. I told her that I always wish people Happy Chanukah, even though I'm not Jewish, just to balance things out since everyone else says Merry Christmas. She gave me a high-five.
We had been talking a while, and without much actual thought, I had a feeling that I didn't want it to end. In the past, I've purposely limited most of my Starbucks dates to 45-60 minutes, but decided to finally take a reader's advice and let things end naturally. This time, though, was the first I remember ever enjoying someone's company so much that I hoped I wouldn't have to leave them.
Carmen and I continued chatting, and it was obvious that we had a lot in common. She was just like me in the way of doing a vast number of different activities - like playing laser tag and shooting skeet. We had even both used meetup.com to make new friends (she's had more success with that than I have). And like me, she was goofy, fun, and playful.
As we talked, I couldn't help but remember what she'd said on eHarmony about being a "very, very" affectionate person when in a relationship. She said that she likes lots of hugs, hand-holding, and kissing, and has a high libido. Looking at her, my mind couldn't help but wander off into that territory. She was good-looking, but I was already starting to become attracted on a non-superficial level as well.
Her phone rang, and she checked it; it was her mom. She said that her mom could just leave a message. Later, she checked the time, and mentioned something about her bedtime being soon. I told her not to let me keep her, but she ignored the comment.
She said that she'd been doing all the talking. I didn't know what to say, since she hadn't asked a specific question, so I just responded "You're doing fine." She told me to say something, and then, silence. It was not an awkward silence; for some reason, we were just making funny faces at each other, until I finally asked "So what else do you do for fun?!" She bursted out laughing at the fact that I'd just asked her a question instead of saying something about myself.
After some more chatting, she checked the time again. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who didn't want our date to end. She said, "I guess we can stay another 10 minutes or so?"
True to her eHarmony profile, I learned that she's a very open person. She shared with me her fear of her biological clock starting to tick when she got older, and said that if she isn't in a relationship when she gets to be 35, she'll just go to a sperm bank. Carmen also told me how she was extremely shy up through high school. Yep. I doubt she ever had a blog, but she's already accomplished the task to which I've dedicated the last 17 months of my life.
We were the only customers left in the coffee shop, with the employees mopping the floor around us and preparing to shut down. In a natural, almost simultaneous way, we agreed to head out and stood up. The guy mopping the floor said that we could stay another 10 minutes, and that he didn't want us to feel that we had to leave. I thanked him, and told him we were fine.
Carmen, on the other hand, took the opportunity to make one of my typical jokes. She said he was trying to get rid of us. Immediately, I felt as if I had been too serious - how could I let her be funnier than me?! - so I came up with something. I told her, "You know, I think he's just trying to get rid of one of us....you!!" She laughed, and I said that he was looking at me when he said we could stay. She joked about the guy checking me out, and I said it was okay, because I was used to it. She asked if I meant by guys or girls, and I said both. As we walked out the door, I told her she'd see, if she kept hanging out with me long enough.
She laughed jubilantly.
When we reached her car, she said with a big smile as I hugged her, "Well it was nice meeting you!" I responded in kind, and she told me to have a safe trip home. I said "See ya," and the smile never left her face.
I looked out the window after getting in my car, and saw her wave as she passed by.
Fifteen minutes later, I was only about a third of the way home when I heard my phone beep. It was a text.
It was great to meet you! Next time I'm asking the questions!
I responded after arriving home.
"I can't help but ask questions, babe; you're fascinating."
And so, I met another one of my eHarmony matches on Monday. Carmen had been the exact opposite of Pernella, speaking less through e-mail than anyone I had ever met up with. Early on, she sent me a couple messages in which she only minimally responded to my questions, not asking me any in return. I told her I wasn't sensing much romantic interest from her, but I'd love to be friends.
She implied that she was interested after all.
Online, I'm obviously always able to be myself. In fact, I've largely shaped myself into who I am today by participating in these hundreds of online communications. My e-mails have a very confident tone, and my profile portrays me as a super fun, busy, exciting guy. When I started out, it was a huge stretch to come up with true words that would convey that message. Now, though, I've done so many things toward the aim of socializing that I've actually become that person.
Before I went to Miami, I told Carmen she was an enigma because I'd thought she'd only been responding to be polite. She said she was anything but; I countered by proclaiming, "Nope. You're fascinating, babe. I'm going to unravel the mystery."
It's that type of confidence that I maintain in all of my e-mails. It's that person who my dates expect to meet. It's a person who my dates are excited to meet; even Carmen was willing to meet up with me even when she was sick - so that she wouldn't miss the opportunity- but I told her we'd wait.
I knew so little about Carmen that I was planning to meet up with her mostly because it's always so fascinating to go on dates with people after talking to them online. Unlike with Pernella, there was as yet no connection. Nothing to put on the line. It was a just-for-fun date in my mind, and as a result, I had virtually no anxiety.
We met up at Starbucks.
________________________
I saw her through the window, ordering at the counter before I arrived. Unusually tall, with dark hair and glasses.
We hugged, and exchanged how-are-you's. I sat, but she implored me to order something so she wouldn't have to drink alone.
We exchanged how-are-you's once again. Already, I could hear the variance in inflection in my voice. I still had some warming up to do, but I knew that tonight, inhibition would play a minimal role.
Before the date, I thought about what to expect. I figured that since she hadn't had much to say online, she might be the most untalktative person I'd ever met. I might, for once, have to carry the conversation.
That ended up not being the case. I'd come with a handful of topics in mind, but as usual, didn't really need them. She seemed relaxed, and talkative enough for the both of us.
And so, we talked. I asked lots of questions, and she had lots to say. Soon, though, there was something striking about the conversation. We often weren't really talking about anything. Instead, there were jokes galore and a whole lot of silliness. She congratulated me on being the first person she'd met from eHarmony, and then said that I seemed more nervous than she. I joked that maybe I was just acting, and she responded with some bit about me being a midget in a costume. It would have all been pretty silly and unfunny, except for the fact that....we liked each other. It was an unmistakable feeling. I quickly became relaxed to the point that I could feel the difference in my body posture. After mentioning Feycebook (a good conversation topic for almost all young people), I said, "wanna see addicted?" and showed her one of my Feycebook cards. She got a kick out of it.
Carmen mentioned that she was taking a sculpting class and made figures, and I responded that I'd have to sculpt stick figures; she joked that they'd be figures, but that'd be about all. When I told her my age, she pointed out that she was a year older than me. I used my handy joke about my date being a sugar mama. She responded, "No....cougar!" and we both made a little rawr sound and clawing motion.
I realized that I've become an outstanding conversationalist when I'm uninhibited. I've learned that the most powerful thing one can do is to relate to his partner. Doing this, of course, requires that we know what is important to other individuals.
When we were talking about movies, Carmen mentioned seeing a new Holocaust film, among other things. With the Christmas music playing in the background, she later commented on how much she dislikes it, since she's Jewish and always had to hear so much growing up. Her religion was obviously important to her, and I had a chance to relate to it, in my typical humorous fashion. I told her that I always wish people Happy Chanukah, even though I'm not Jewish, just to balance things out since everyone else says Merry Christmas. She gave me a high-five.
We had been talking a while, and without much actual thought, I had a feeling that I didn't want it to end. In the past, I've purposely limited most of my Starbucks dates to 45-60 minutes, but decided to finally take a reader's advice and let things end naturally. This time, though, was the first I remember ever enjoying someone's company so much that I hoped I wouldn't have to leave them.
Carmen and I continued chatting, and it was obvious that we had a lot in common. She was just like me in the way of doing a vast number of different activities - like playing laser tag and shooting skeet. We had even both used meetup.com to make new friends (she's had more success with that than I have). And like me, she was goofy, fun, and playful.
As we talked, I couldn't help but remember what she'd said on eHarmony about being a "very, very" affectionate person when in a relationship. She said that she likes lots of hugs, hand-holding, and kissing, and has a high libido. Looking at her, my mind couldn't help but wander off into that territory. She was good-looking, but I was already starting to become attracted on a non-superficial level as well.
Her phone rang, and she checked it; it was her mom. She said that her mom could just leave a message. Later, she checked the time, and mentioned something about her bedtime being soon. I told her not to let me keep her, but she ignored the comment.
She said that she'd been doing all the talking. I didn't know what to say, since she hadn't asked a specific question, so I just responded "You're doing fine." She told me to say something, and then, silence. It was not an awkward silence; for some reason, we were just making funny faces at each other, until I finally asked "So what else do you do for fun?!" She bursted out laughing at the fact that I'd just asked her a question instead of saying something about myself.
After some more chatting, she checked the time again. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who didn't want our date to end. She said, "I guess we can stay another 10 minutes or so?"
True to her eHarmony profile, I learned that she's a very open person. She shared with me her fear of her biological clock starting to tick when she got older, and said that if she isn't in a relationship when she gets to be 35, she'll just go to a sperm bank. Carmen also told me how she was extremely shy up through high school. Yep. I doubt she ever had a blog, but she's already accomplished the task to which I've dedicated the last 17 months of my life.
We were the only customers left in the coffee shop, with the employees mopping the floor around us and preparing to shut down. In a natural, almost simultaneous way, we agreed to head out and stood up. The guy mopping the floor said that we could stay another 10 minutes, and that he didn't want us to feel that we had to leave. I thanked him, and told him we were fine.
Carmen, on the other hand, took the opportunity to make one of my typical jokes. She said he was trying to get rid of us. Immediately, I felt as if I had been too serious - how could I let her be funnier than me?! - so I came up with something. I told her, "You know, I think he's just trying to get rid of one of us....you!!" She laughed, and I said that he was looking at me when he said we could stay. She joked about the guy checking me out, and I said it was okay, because I was used to it. She asked if I meant by guys or girls, and I said both. As we walked out the door, I told her she'd see, if she kept hanging out with me long enough.
She laughed jubilantly.
When we reached her car, she said with a big smile as I hugged her, "Well it was nice meeting you!" I responded in kind, and she told me to have a safe trip home. I said "See ya," and the smile never left her face.
I looked out the window after getting in my car, and saw her wave as she passed by.
Fifteen minutes later, I was only about a third of the way home when I heard my phone beep. It was a text.
It was great to meet you! Next time I'm asking the questions!
I responded after arriving home.
"I can't help but ask questions, babe; you're fascinating."
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