This post contains sexual themes that some readers may find objectionable.
I've referred back to July 12th's post, The Death of Inhibition, many times. That fateful day has been proven as the single biggest breakthrough in my mission, and perhaps in my life. Since then, the blog has been undergoing a transition. The transition is mirroring the ongoing changes in my life: from being imprisoned by inhibition, to living an incredibly full, free life, with a level of enjoyment and satisfaction that could never be described in words. Last night was another great night in that transition.
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I had been sick with a cold all week. Still, though, I stayed up all night Friday, and woke up with a wicked headache Saturday morning. I usually go to a dance club Saturday nights, but the way I felt, I immediately started thinking there was no way that would happen tonight. And to make matters worse, I was feeling anxious. I had called Autumn on Wednesday, but failed to reach her, and she hadn't returned my call. I knew from experience not to dwell on it, yet I couldn't help but wonder about her. Things with us had been perfect, but I had thought of one disturbing question: What if she had found this blog? I had talked to her about a couple items on my 43things.com list, and it would have been possible for her to look one of them up, browse the 15 people in the group, and stumble upon my profile, where I have a link to this blog. Sure, it was a far-fetched, but that's the way my mind works.
During the day, I recalled that I didn't feel much better before going to SuperBar last time, and that had ended up being one of the best nights of my life. I've had a good night clubbing seemingly every other time I've gone, and my previous outing was a complete flop. I was due for a good night, and so I decided to go.
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I remembered how I made friends in line the last time, so I planned to talk to people while I waited for admission to SuperBar. I overheard a couple of girls behind me talking about the cover charge, so I explained that there were free passes available on the club's web site. It sounded good, but the conversation ended there.
In front of me were a man and two women. They stood out, because they looked to be in their 40's, while the vast majority of the crowd was 18-25. The man asked me a question about other clubs in the area, and it opened up the opportunity to talk to them. After that, I was comfortable making a couple of comments, and asking if they knew about the passes. I was off to a good start, and soon, the fun would begin inside.
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Inside, I was off to my usual start. I found an open spot on the main level dance floor, and started moving a little with the music. I tried to get my feet into it, but it didn't work. It was as if I had lead in my shoes. It was nervousness, but it didn't bother me. I knew the night was very, very young, and I just needed to warm up.
As I danced in my spot, a group of attractive girls came and stood about 15 feet away. Instead of making a move to dance with them, I made the mistake of just thinking about it. Soon, a fun guy danced his way over and started playing with them. They responded well, and I knew it should have been me. Still, though, I didn't kick myself too much: the night was very, very young, and I just needed to warm up.
And so, I started warming up. I started dancing closer and closer to the group - which a couple of other guys had already joined - using the presence of a cooling fan in front of them as a mental excuse to stay with them without dancing with any of the girls while I was still warming up. Eventually, some more girls came over, and one of them initiated some dancing with me. I wasn't interested in her, but soon decided that I should play along, just for fun.
I was starting to feel pretty good. I worked my way up the dance floor looking for a willing partner, but didn't get anything going. There were tons of women, but I was still too inhibited to be assertive enough to initiate anything. The usual mental hurdles were in place. For example, when I saw a group of girls dancing with each other, I felt as if they were doing so because they didn't want to dance with any guys. In general, I wasn't thinking about things properly. I felt as if I would somehow be bothering a girl by trying to dance with her. It was the usual messy roots of inhibition, but the night was young, and I was still warming up.
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I had entered the club around 11:00PM. Around 12:30AM, I had finished exploring the upper level, only to see the same results. I then decided to pull out my secret weapon: the sunglasses. Last time, they had seemed to turn me into a sort of Social Superhero.
As I headed past the bar, I recognized a cool guy wearing a U.S. Navy shirt. He had talked to my new friend Diego, of the U.S. Army Rangers, the last time I was at SuperBar. With my sunglasses, he recognized me immediately, and called over, "Hey, what's up man!" A couple of girls had stumbled by me earlier, saying "YOU!!" I hadn't understood it at the time, but I now realized that my spectacular performance at SuperBar a few weeks ago had made a lasting impression. I had friends here.
I returned to the main dance floor in my costume. In front of the fan, I found a group of 4 with a meager 1:3 guy-to-girl ratio. I wanted to dance with one of the two available women, but hesitated. After spending so much time thinking instead of doing, I felt very reluctant to finally make a move. It seemed like it would be awkward. Alas - the silly roots of inhibition. I stayed and danced with the group, with no contact, except for a few accidental bumps. They exchanged a few words in each others' ears, and I felt sure that they were comments about me not making a move to dance with them, even after the one I wanted turned around, probably to give me an opening.
Finally, I moved on.
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I found a group of 4 attractive girls dancing in a circle at the other end of the bar. The group situation was always the most intimidating, and the hardest for me to grasp.
As I gave in to thought instead of taking action, a guy came up and started dancing with one of the girls. Soon, two other guys jumped in, leaving one girl unattended. Suddenly, guys were swarming the group of girls, like sharks around prey. One particularly scary-looking guy who had been moving in on girls throughout the night (with far less inhibition than I) was rejected immediately. This caused the group to reshuffle, as women at the clubs typically move to dance with their friends to escape an unwanted male advance. A second guy was rejected as well, but things finally settled, as three of the girls found partners they wanted.
I thought to myself, "I'm the loser on this one." As I headed back towards the other end of the dance floor, I noticed the one girl who was left without a partner.
She was a short, extremely cute, extremely innocent-looking young Asian girl. I could tell from the "X" on her hand that she wasn't of legal drinking age, making her under 21. She looked 18, at most. She was extremely attractive, with a perfect, slim body, only rivaled in tightness by her jeans. Yet, she seemed shy. I thought to myself that there was no possible way she would dance with me. In fact, she might not dance with anyone.
Finally, I stopped thinking. I walked up before any other vultures could swoop in, and I simply offered her my hand.
She took it.
I moved with her a little as I held her hand, thinking that it would just be nice for me to do some innocent dancing with her so that she wouldn't be the odd one out in her group, and so that other guys wouldn't bother her trying to get physical.
After only seconds, I got one of the best surprises of my life.
She turned around, and backed up to me. She moved her body against mine, and lo and behold - this girl wanted to bump and grind! It was unbelievable. I complied, and put my hands around her waist. The more I touched her, the more excitedly she moved. She led me as she shook her behind. We squatted to the floor in rhythm, and she was sort of sitting on my lap, bouncing up and down as we slowly ascended. The more aroused I became, the more vibrantly she moved. I had perceived this girl as being too reserved to dance with anyone, and now, she was dry-humping me! I had to use a little restraint to avoid what would have turned this R-rated post into an X-rated one.
After a while, I realized that there was something different with this girl. I had gotten physical several times with other ladies at dance clubs, but they always left after a few songs. This girl was here to stay.
We were together so long that I tried almost every variation of dancing that I knew with her. At some point, the creepy guy came back and tried to dance with one of her friends, and her friend grabbed her away from me to escape. I danced alone for a couple of minutes, and then simply took my partner back.
Finally, I actually spoke to her. I jokingly asked if she'd rather dance with the creepy guy instead. When she said no, I asked if she was sure. After dancing for a while more, I asked her name.
Olivia.
I didn't offer mine, but she asked a moment later. I knew from research and experience that this was a sign of interest. A green light.
I looked down at Olivia as I continued to dance with her, and I was amazed at how sexy she was. It was mind-blowing.
By now, we had gotten extremely physical. I had done all of the usual things, raising her hands above her head, interlocking our fingers, and putting my hands around her waist. Now, though, it was time to try something new. It was time to escalate.
I had been with Olivia for a long time, and was oblivious to most of the other people in the club, but noticed a few things going on around me. The environment was hyper-sexual. A few feet from us, the hottest of her other friends was still dancing with the same guy who had initiated the frenzy. To our left, two of her female friends were making out. They were giving each other sweet, soft kisses. It wasn't the usual drunk girls randomly kissing: I could sense love and desire in their embrace.
Apparently, Olivia's friends grabbed more attention than I realized. I took a look on an area club scene web site while I was writing this post, and found a picture from their make-out session. Those are the actual girls, with Olivia wearing the floral top, just barely visible in the picture on the far bottom right.
This hyper-sexual environment was perfect for my escalation with Olivia.
When a song with the lyrics "hold you close" came on, I held Olivia tight around her stomach, pressing my body against hers. As we danced, I pressed my head against hers as tightly as I could, nuzzling her neck. I began to move my left hand down her thigh, and rubbed her passionately as I glanced over at her friends, who were still making out. As I rubbed Olivia's backside, I knew I was touching a girl in ways I had only imagined before this night. I became more aroused, and she became more vibrant. I knew that everything that felt good to me felt just as good to her, so I did whatever I wanted. I even put my hands inside of her shirt, caressing her flat, sexy bare belly and moving my hands upward to her bra.
As we continued to dance, I gave Olivia a kiss on the neck. It tasted like sweat, but it was sweet. It felt good. A little while later, I kissed her neck again. And again. Her friends continued to make out, and I continued to caress Olivia's body, nuzzle her, and passionately press my lips on her neck. At moments, I lost all awareness of the hundreds of other people in the building, as I closed my eyes and allowed myself to succumb to passion. We couldn't have been much closer to making love in the club.
Finally, her friends came over and said something to her: they were ready to leave. The music was still blasting, so she smiled and made a gesture to say goodbye to me. As she walked away, I said over the music, "Olivia, what's your phone number?" She made a polite gesture to decline.
I knew that I needed to have talked to her more, just so that we could find a little common ground. She had no way of knowing that I'm a brilliant engineer, or anything like that, so I understood. Earlier, I had actually asked if she wanted a drink, soda, water, or Red Bull - anything - so that we could go chat, but she really didn't want to stop dancing with me at the time.
I was happy nonetheless, realizing that I'm still learning, and improving fast. Next time, I'll make conversation while I dance with my partner.
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I looked at my watch. It was 2:05AM: I had been with Olivia for over an hour and a half.
Unbelievable.
I felt completely different than I had up until the moment I offered her my hand. Now, I was overwhelmed with confidence and excitement. I thought about calling it a night so that I could leave on a positive note, but then I realized that there was no need to quit while I was ahead. Feeling like this, I could do anything.
I didn't know what to do with the joyous feelings that were bursting from my soul, so I went for a walk around the club. Passing a girl getting ready to take a picture of a big group, I put up my hands and leapt sideways in front of the camera in an act of uninhibited playfulness.
People were starting to clear out, but I found a somewhat active group on the upstairs dance floor. I wanted to see how different things would be without the inhibition that stymied me repeatedly earlier in the night, so I decided to dance with one of the girls. Without stopping to think, I simply took her hand, and she danced with me for a couple minutes. Now, initiating these interactions was like lifting a feather. Earlier, it had been like lifting furniture.
I headed back downstairs, and saw a couple guys watching the main level dance floor from the balcony. I had an impulse to speak to them, so without thinking, I did. I asked assertively, "What's going on?" The guy closest to me responded enthusiastically, and I remembered that I was still in my Social Superhero uniform. I then inquired, "You're not dancing?" He told me that he couldn't dance, so I asked if he was getting any girls.
"Nah. It's not my night, man."
Still speaking in a fun, assertive tone, I told him that he has to dance with them. Then I said, "Watch me!" He smiled and said alright. I headed down to the dance floor, feeling 100% certain that I would be able to impress him.
By now, the floor was sparse. I danced my way up until I found an attractive Indian girl dancing alone, seemingly with her eyes closed. I danced with her for above 5 minutes, unsure whether or not she even realized it. She then commented that she's getting old, and I bantered back about it a little. When I couldn't hear what she was saying over the music, I put my hand around her waist and moved closer. I asked where her friends were, and we continued talking while dancing. It was the easiest thing in the world, and I turned around, looked up at the balcony, and waved to the guy for whom I was demonstrating. I moved over to the bar with the girl, and we chatted about nightclubs and a Sky-View place in the area until her cousin found her. They headed out, and I decided to call it a night.
And what a night it was.
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