Making Friends

This was never meant to be a blog about a shy guy trying to date.

Why so many posts, then, about dating? Lets review an abbreviated version of the Original Plan, from the post "Organizing Our Efforts:"

1. Make friends online
2. Make dates online
3. Spend more time with existing friends. If applicable.
3a. Ask current close friends to introduce you to more of their friends.
3b. Get closer to your less-close friends, and acquaintances.
4. Talk to people everywhere you possibly can.

(The original post is essential reading. It goes into some important details on these points. )

Now, back to the question: why so many posts about dating? I've been on 4 dates, and I've only had 1 platonic meeting. Well, the answer is that it is just a lot easier to find people online to date than it is to find people interested only in friendship. As for #3, I haven't really had the chance. For #4, I really haven't done anything out of my ordinary, so I will definitely have to make a real effort at that now.

At long last, things are starting to shape up for #1. I've made tentative plans to hang out this weekend with the person (from craig's list) that I met in my first platonic meeting. That will be a milestone, since it'll be the first time I've seen anyone I've met on this mission for a second time.
Hopefully I will soon be able to call this person my second offline friend overall. Excellent!
And on top of that, the next day, I'll be meeting the other girl who I've been e-mailing for a couple months. Hopefully the same will come of that.

And still, there's more! (When it rains, it pours). Another girl (from craig's list's platonic section) that I e-mailed a few times finally moved to my area. I called her up tonight.....as with every phone call, I will recapitulate:

It went great. I had called my best friend before and after this call, so that was good for comparison. My voice was clear and eloquent, and I had enough things to say (for a 15-minute conversation) even though I only had a couple topics in mind when I dialed. I was relatively uninhibited...there were a few short silences, and some blind "uh-huhs," but in my estimation, they were pretty normal for a first phone call with someone you hardly know at all. I asked her if she wants to meet up on Labor Day, and told her I'd give her another call this weekend.

This was actually my first platonic phone call on the mission. I've only texted and e-mailed the other two people.

In reality, making new friends, no matter how it's done, is the one critical thing that has to be achieved on this mission. It is both the means and the end. After making a few friends, I'll have new people to spend time with, which will allow my social skills to improve. And I will use those skills to make new friends, and continue building, and building, and building.

Where does dating fit into the plan? Having so little to work with in the way of social skils and comfort level, the dates have all so far been one-and-dones (the verdict is still out on my 4th date..I will update you on that soon). Well, as it turns out, I think all these first dates have actually had great value. Dating is one of the toughest social situations to deal with. I think that having tackled those repeatedly from the outset is going to make all of these platonic meetings seem much easier. Right now I have little or no anxiety about these coming new platonic meetings, and I think I have my new dating experiences largely to thank for that.

My attempt here is to go all-out. Toward that end, I am going to try to start to make some new friends offline as well. The only way I've been able to figure out to do it is to join some type of club, or something where I will see the same people repeatedly. So, I am planning to start taking a hip-hop dance class on Saturday. Now how is a super-inhibited person like me going to handle that?? He is going to Just Do It. It's a great way to force myself into some uninhibited behavior (a principle theory mentioned in the last couple posts), so if I can get comfortable dancing - of all things - hopefully that will help me feel more comfortable with basic things, like...ya know...talking.

Improvement

Well, I was at it again today. For the fifth time, I met someone from the Internet. It was my fourth first date in less than 2 weeks.

Good news: it definitely went better than the last date that had me feeling like I was at the end of my rope.

This time I saw my date - who I had never even talked to on the phone - outside of the Starbucks. I went up to say hey. (I'm recapping this stuff for those who have never tried online dating....I think it's interesting). This time she asked if I was MyName. Ha, she had seen pictures of me, so it should have been obvious, but I said that I was. For the first time, no hug or handshake. She asked if we should go inside or sit outside. On the first 2 dates, I was asked something similar and was too indecisive, but this time I finally got it right (it was definitely too hot to be outside). So we went inside and ordered.

We sat, and talked. I didn't have a lot of specific things in mind to ask her, but maybe that was a good thing. My voice wasn't much better than the last time....some sort of weird psychological block on me speaking normally, I suppose....but things otherwise went pretty well.

I had in mind what I said before about forcing some uninhibited comments and a compliment. I made myself say a few, not-too-risky things (no updog joke..dang it) that came to mind, and it was good. I'm pretty sure we laughed together more than on any of my previous dates, so that was great. She seemed to do about 95% of the talking. Sounds crazy, but I'm really not exaggerating much, if at all. She spoke so much, in fact, that I wasn't even able to get in a few questions that came to mind before she changed topics. I said very little about myself, which is not necessarily all that bad...all of these girls talk A LOT. Definitely good for me starting out. But I've digressed.

I never felt like there was a good time to break out the favorite color question, or the compliment, so next time I will try harder to force those things as appropriate. Overall, I think this time I got a slightly better balance of lighter topics with career discussion and such.

The second thing that I mentioned last post was not trying to compensate for my lack of experience by trying to make myself sound more interesting in answering questions. I actually stuck to this ("Nope...didn't do anything except study in high school"), and found that I didn't bumble any sentences. Somehow I was a bit nervous again, and for a little while actually felt my face getting a little twitchy (the twitch used to be my nemesis...see "So you ready to meet now?" post). Not too bad, but at one point my nervousness caused me to blow saying the word Hospitality. Not exactly a tongue twister, so it's hard to see how I could mess it up. Just an indicator that I need to greatly increase my comfort level in these social situations.

After an hour and twenty minutes, I ended the date. I was aiming for 45 minutes, but I'm not so good at estimating elapsed time without glancing at my watch, and I was trying to wait until a high note to end it. Yes, this time I was determined to be the one to end it. As far as dating goes, I think that's one of the most important things (on the male side, of course). On my first three, unsuccessful dates, the girl was the one to end it, so I definitely wanted to do this differently. When I said I'd better get leaving, my date apologized for keeping me so long, and said something to the effect of: Wow, we've been here a while. Excellent! At least, I hope that translates to something like "time flies when you're having fun."

I walked to her car with her, so no issues with that this time. I said it was good meeting her, and I initiated a hug. So what did she say? The first date said it was fun, and we should do it again sometime. The second said she'd had a good time, and "I'll talk to you later....?" The third said "I'll see you later..?" Hmmm.

She just said to have a safe trip home :) It's probably silly to analyze these things, so I won't infer anything from it....I'm just glad it was different from those first 3 endings.

Now this time, I will probably go with another follow-up call in a couple days. If she's still interested, that would certainly bode well for my ego, and I just may experience my first second-date ever. If not though, I'll be cool this time, and just keep at it. I've already seen the worst, and it's not that bad....so now I'm quite fearless.

Coming soon: a second platonic meeting!

Persistence

"Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race."

-- Calvin Coolidge

I want to thank Bárbara and Reese, whose comments were a big help in encouraging me to press on.

Well, I'm back. I was feeling really, really down for about 22 hours after the last date I told you about. After those 22 hours, I started to feel again what I was thinking: There's no reason to be discouraged. I knew I had a very long way to go when I started this, and so I knew some of my efforts would not go smoothly. But all in all, they're great no matter how they go. If nothing else, I learn something from every social situation I put myself into.

In reality, the first round of dates I went out on were pretty much sacrificial. I'd only been on one before in my life, before starting to go on about 2 per week. The first few were almost certain to be one-and-dones, no second date, since I started out in need of drastic improvement.

Just an update....I dropped my second date an e-mail, since she didn't respond to my phone call. No response to that, either. It's interesting....having had no experience with this, I didn't really know how people handle this. From my first 2 experiences, I learned that if a girl (may be different for guys) is not interested, she may either A) Talk to you and deliver the Friends Speech or B) Completely ignore you. Heh. The latter seems to me a bit less than tactful after a date that was at least friendly and amicable, but hey... it really doesn't make me any difference.

As for the third date... like I said, I was really unusually nervous (though not necessarily anxious; think "nervous laughter" and bumbled sentences) on that one for some reason. I decided this time to try something new. I sent her an e-mail telling her it was nice talking to her, and asking if she'd like to get together again sometime as friends..and I suggested something specific. She very well may not want to be friends, but I figured it was worth a try.

More updates. I have another first date set for tomorrow. I set it for the exact same location as the last one :) So it will be my chance at redemption.

On the platonic front...a friend from craig's list that I've been e-mailing for months, since I started this blog, told me that she (who is admittedly a bit shy) would like to finally meet up. I'm going to meet her soon, as well as another person from craig's list that just moved to town. Just what I needed.

And finally, I've decided on a change in strategy. My last theory - about trying to reduce inhibition by just trying to lose one's sense of self-awareness - failed miserably the first time I tried it with someone in person. That's OK, because I said early on that if any of my plans don't work, I will simply adjust and try something else.

So I have a new idea. Instead of trying to passively do nothing to reduce inhibition, I'm going to try the exact opposite. I'm going to instead be ACTIVE, and force myself, no matter what, into some uninhibited behavior. What I have in mind is forcing myself to say some of the types of things that have been coming to mind, but that I've felt too inhibited to say.

These things are mainly humor, and silly comments or questions. For example, as a date question...what's your favorite color? And teasing in response. Or blurt out a silly joke. Some of the fun things on the Conversation Topics post. Likewise, I'm going to force delivery of any compliment that comes to mind. I thought of these things before, but didn't actually do them - I guess there's some added inhibition there because of the potential for embarassment, or whatever. The idea now is that if I make myself do them, the other person will almost surely react positively, giving some good reinforcement. Hopefully seeing positive reactions to just being myself will help me loosen up a bit. And it'll lighten the mood, which is something my previous dates (the platonic meeting was actually pretty fun) could have used.

Lastly, something I learned from the last date. The main reason I bumbled a few sentences was that I was trying to give an answer that I thought would be interesting to the other person, rather than just answering normally. I've been getting into the position of feeling like others are more interesting than I, because I haven't been as many places or done as many things, for reasons obvious to you. To be myself, and bumble less, I'm going to have to just accept that and not put forth extra effort to seem more interesting.

Hopefully that last paragraph wasn't too vague. See ya soon.

Discouragement

Well, tonight I had my fourth in-person meeting; my third date. I came out of it feeling...depressed.

It didn't go catastrophically bad. How could it? But it wasn't so good. In fact, it was really just more of the same. I didn't feel much anxiety during the 1-hour meeting, and there weren't any major silences. Once again, I was able to ask some questions, and my date was very talkative about herself, filling most of the time. As always, I bumbled a few sentences, and felt inhibited. And this time, my voice was as bad as ever. I couldn't seem to get it in gear. It's weird, because I don't think it's a physical thing - immediately before and after, my voice was just fine. But during, it was too high, and not clear enough, something miserable like that. Maybe an odd complaint, but I feel like I could have considered the date to have gone "reasonably well" if not for that.

This having gone similarly to my first 2 dates, why am I depressed? A few reasons... first of all, my date literally yawned a couple times, and was the one to end the date (after only an hour).
Clearly not good for my self-esteem. Second, this was my fourth meeting on this mission. I feel like things are supposed to be getting better, not a little worse. I really hate the feeling of going backwards, even a little. And thirdly, I wasn't able to pull off that trick I mentioned last post, about losing self-awareness to become less inhibited. I couldn't get comfortable enough mentally...not this time.

The date ended with a weird sort of handshake-hug, and an "I'll see you later..?" from the girl. The observant blog reader will notice the similarity to the date before this, which ended with an "I'll talk to you later..?" In that case, I called 3 days later, and got a voicemail. I left a message, and still haven't gotten a call back, 2 days later. I felt like that date definitely went better than tonight's, so.....once again, not good for my self-esteem. I am pretty sure this time I won't even bother making the follow-up phone call. I try to brush these things off, but eliciting another needless Friends Speech would be downright masochistic. Of course there's the extremely remote possibility that the girl is for some reason still interested, but....

The idea is to gain as much experience as possible, so in that sense, everything I do is a "success." But I'm already very, very tired of experiencing failures in the traditional sense. I'm the type of guy who needs to be successful after putting in so much time and energy. It's strange to talk to someone over e-mail for a couple of weeks, then meet up with them for an hour or two, and never hear from them again. But dating is a good way to gain social experience, of which I need as much as possible, so it's worth dealing with.

I felt a little like giving up on the way home, but of course that will NEVER happen. Right now the plan is to set up another first date tomorrow, and focus on other things when I'm not doing that or writing here (i.e., according to items #2 and #3 last post, I'm supposed to not dwell on the event afterwards, and not concern myself with the results...doing either would be depressing). I also need to figure out a way to get some more platonic meetings in...that would help, since those tend not to end in discouragement.

These methods aren't for the faint of heart.....

Weekend Update

I generally don't take days off from working on the mission that is the title of this blog. If I ever do, it'll only be because I absolutely have to.

That said, I started off this weekend by doing a little thinking about where I am, and what I need to do to take things to the next level. From my previous post, it was apparent that the main thing I need to work on is reducing my social inhibition. Amazingly, it seems that if I could just fix that one thing - and with all other things being the way they are now - I would be at about a normal level. Wow.

So I hopped on google, and feverishly searched for information about how to reduce social inhibition. Surprisingly, I found very, very little. My search led me to a few interesting issues, such as: how do I classify the general problem I'm trying to work on here? Is this what people call shyness? Starting out, I didn't think so. I came across numerous other possible terms, but none of them seemed to fit just right. As it turns out, this classification issue is pretty complicated, and will probably get its own blog entries later.

But I've digressed. A few of the sites I found on shyness and other issues helped me formulate a better idea of what may be causing this inhibition. According to a psychologist named Carducci, shyness "involves feelings of excessive self-consciousness, negative self-evaluation and negative self-preoccupation." I decided that, whether it should be considered shyness or not, perhaps my social inhibition may be caused by some of the same things.

Now, the first thing I recognized is that my entries about my social interactions were accurate on the fact that I wasn't NEGATIVELY self-conscious. This means that negative self-evaluation and negative self-preoccupation are out of the picture here, unless they're going on subconsciously (which I doubt).

That just leaves "excessive self-consciousness." I said before that I wasn't self-conscious at all, but at the time I was thinking of self-conscious as meaning thinking negatively. Now I think that maybe I was self-conscious, as in highly aware of my thoughts and actions, but without a negative spin on the awareness. I decided that maybe this non-negative self-consciousness was enough to cause, or at least contribute to, my inhibition in social situations.

Of course, this is so far just a theory of mine, but that's a big part of what this blog is about! I haven't found a good answer to the problem on Google, so therefore it is up to me to discover it and share it with everyone else in my situation.

I then proceeded to integrate my new theory into a short list of goals to focus on in upcoming interactions:

1. Try to (greatly) reduce my high level of inhibition, to the point that I'm as uninhibited talking to new people as I am talking to my best friend. Or at least close. Attempt this by mimicking the latter situation: try to minimize even noticing the thoughts you're having, and general awareness of yourself. Instead, just partake in the conversation while putting forth only minimal effort to come up with things to say. Don't put yourself under any pressure to think of what to say; it will have the opposite effect of what you want, making that more difficult.

The last point deserves further explanation. I wrote that after stumbling upon this gem from a site on shyness: "Feeling [uptight]?? First of all... just chill. The secret to knowing what to say is learning what to feel. According to the experts, if you feel positive, feelings of fear will not interfere with your ability to think of something to say."

2. Focus on gaining experience in social interactions, and don't concern myself with the results. For example, if I go on a date, I'm just happy to be getting that experience and doing my best with it; I won't concern myself with whether it is going well enough for there to be a second date, or anything like that. This should reduce anxiety even further.

3. Don't dwell on social interactions before or after. My dwelling kept resulting in long periods of anxiety in the aftermath, even though there was very little during the interactions. And similarly for some of the hours leading up to these activities.

Finally, I was able to try these things out on Sunday. As older posts reveal, I was once terrified of talking on the phone. Now, it has become my friend; a great tool in this mission.

I called up a girl from yahooPersonals who I've been e-mailing for about 10 days. Before dialing, I thought through item #1, and then tried to let go of my self-awareness and feel like I do when calling my best friend. It's difficult or impossible to describe how to do this...you just have to try it out.

No answer...she called back about 15 minutes later, and I answered with very little forethought. And then...success!! We talked for 20 minutes. The only self-awareness I recall was thinking that my voice sounded great, and this was amazingly working: It seemed extremely close to the feeling that I have when chatting with my best firiend. As usual I had a brief list of backup converstion topics, but I don't think I even looked at it. My mind was clear. This time, there was nothing blocking me from thinking of what to say. It was almost as automatic as talking to a friend or family member.

I won't celebrate too soon here, because maybe I just got lucky on this one. I will try the same thing next time though, and see if it results in a similar experience. And next time, I will also spend less time thinking and planning before I call. Just have a couple things in mind to talk about, relax, and chat.

So I ended the (rather relaxed) conversation by setting up a meeting...sweet. This time, I thought I'd try Starbucks (as in my 1st, platonic meeting), instead of going to dinner at a nice restaurant (as on the first 2 dates). It's set for Wednesday.

Lastly, tomorrow will be the third day since my last date, so I will call the girl up for a post-mortem on that. Honestly, I'm hoping not to hear another Friends Speech, but I'm keeping item #2 above in mind so those things should have minimal effect on me whenever I do encounter them.

I'll leave it at that for now...the mission is definitely in full-swing.

Keeping the Ball Rolling: Another date in the books

Well, I went on another date tonight. The third date in my lifetime, and the second this week.

Despite my efforts, I did a rather poor job of dealing with the results of the first date. Even after my post, I found myself thinking about it almost constantly. I was also very anxious....I think this was the result of all the thinking, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I won't get back into rationalizing why I should have reacted better, and all that - hopefully that was covered sufficiently in the last post.

By date time, I pretty much had myself together. My anxiety from thinking about the first date's results were diminished, and - once again - I was not very anxious in anticipation of my next date. I felt a little something, but I'm convinced that in every case, that has been no more than what just about anyone would feel in anticipation of meeting someone from the Internet from the first time. And in fact, maybe my anxiety level was less than average...

I stood in front of the restaurant where we were to meet. After a couple minutes, I saw her. I wasn't completely sure it was her, but then she waved. I said Hey, and we probably had one other little exchange....then I hugged her. This time, I initiated, after learning from my first date that it's a pretty good greeting.

It seemed like history was repeating itself a little, because like on my first date, we needed to choose a different restaurant (first time, too hot...this time, too crowded). This was the chance for me to correct my previous error of being indecisive: This date, too, asked me if I wanted to stay or find another place. I made the same error...I said uh, and said I'd leave it up to her. Not good for dating, but I really wasn't sure! It was in the city, on her turf, and I didn't know the area or what other restaurants would be like. But anyway, perhaps I will handle that properly the next time. Just do something decisively, it doesn't matter as much what that something is.

And so, we made it to the next restaurant. On the way, she mentioned (in reference to her stumbling a little on a word) that she was a little nervous. I thought this was so interesting! Why? Because, as you know, it should seem that *I* would be the nervous one in any social situation, especially on a date. But instead, as in my first 2 meetings, I felt almost zero anxiety and nervousness. (This is probably a good time to point out that this is the "I love you too" girl from match.com, so presumably she was quite interested in me, at least from the get-go.

We ate, and talked. She was very talkative, and so there was never an awkward silence, and we never ran out of things to talk about. The same happened on my first 2 meetings...I find this result to be interesting, because quantity of conversation was one of the main concerns that I had going ino this stuff.

So was this an unbelievably amazing breakthrough? Not really....but why not? We talked plenty, but I was still inhibited. Kind of like in Stiff Mode...I just wasn't the same super duper neat-o guy that I am talking to my close friend and family. Hard to describe, but chances are you know what I mean if you're reading this blog. I would say the inhibition level was about the same as on my 1st date, and a bit higher than on my first (platonic) meeting.

That said, it still went "pretty well," which is what I expected of all of these things going in. By the way, was I interested in the girl? Yeah, I liked her...I would like to see her again, but I won't trip out this time if I run into another Friends Speech.

We were together for a total of about 90 minutes. When we left, I this time was sure to offer to take her home. She declined, and I asked if she was sure....so then I let it go, which I think was okay. We hugged, and she said it was good meeting you, and "I'll talk to you later?" Yeah, with the question mark. I'm not sure what this means...maybe she's still interested and not sure if I was? Lets hope so. I would like to actually go on a 2nd date when I have the chance, because with more depth, maybe I could start to get comfortable with someone and start to be more like myself around them.

So here is the list of things that were successful:
1. Low anxiety level. In fact, remarkably low considering the situation.

2. General comfort level. I was pretty darn comfortable the whole time. To the point that afterwards, it didn't seem like a big deal AT ALL. This time I had only talked to my date on the phone for 27 minutes prior, so now we know that isn't a big factor.

3. Conversation. My date did most of the work, but as usual, I had way more than enough questions. There were so many things I had in mind that I didn't get to, it was kind of unreal. I was too inhibited to ask some of the fun questions, though....

4. Confidence. I wasn't self-consicous. Period.


And here's the list of things that I need to work on:
1. Talking about myself. Like on the first date, I was a bit awkward talking about myself, and describing things in general. I also did very little of it, so I need to work on the quality and quantity. (I copied and pasted this from the first date results...argh!)

2. Inhibition!!!! When I came home and spoke to those close to me, it was TOTALLY different! The word inhibition describes it perfectly, so I won't dwell on it. I'll let you know when I figure out how to improve this, if there's anything other than just doing these social gigs a ton.

3. Saying "uh" too much.

And specific dating things I missed, outside the scope of the mission:
1. Compliment. I would have liked to have tried complimenting my date on something. I noticed she had beautiful nails, but I missed mentioning it, probably due to inhibition. At least I will have that to say if there's a second date.

2. Having weekend plans. When in a non-platonic situation, I should ALWAYS have an answer to what my weekend plans are. I said I didn't really have anything planned yet, but wow, I had a couple of good things I could have mentioned.

And so, I am making progress. I will try to have a good conversation when I call her for the post-mortem, and hopefully this time there will be a second date.

Finally, I decided that I should go for MASS, ridiculous volume (a date every night!) with these things, because they're just too short if there's no 2nd date. I need all the experience I can possibly get. When I got home I saw that another girl had e-mailed me her phone number....sweet....keep the ball rolling.

The Friends Speech

Well, today was one of those days. One of those crappy, off days. I felt anxious about whether my date from Monday would call me back, and what she'd say if so. I spent way too much time thinking about how the date went. And worst of all, I allowed myself to think about what it'd be like to see the girl again, and even go beyond that. Not good.

And so, she eventually called. We talked for about 7 minutes - it was good, I was as comfortable as ever. As has been the case in every actual social situation I've talked about on this blog, most of the anxiety I'd had all day quickly diminished.

But at the end, she didn't say what I wanted to hear. Instead, I got the dreaded Friends Speech. She said she had a great time with me, but didn't really see the romantic thing, but would still like to hang out again. Cookie cutter stuff .

I had foreseen this possibility, so I was quite cool about it on the phone. I said that's cool, and I'd talk to her later. Yeah, right. It would be better than anything (for the mission) if we became friends, but I think that rarely happens with anyone with these things. She said she would call me if she wanted to hang out...something like that, anyway. That was the nail in the coffin.

Of course, I didn't expect my first date on this quest to be successful in the usual sense. I mean, I started about 10 years behind socially, so how could I? ;) So this shouldn't have upset me at all. I've found, however, that it is somehow, at a minimum, a little depressing nonetheless. The Friends Speech is a global killer of the male ego, so it's going to take some extra effort here to avoid losing any of my precious self-esteem and confidence.

One thing I didn't really point out before - because it was outside the scope of the mission - was that my date and I never really clicked. We never really found something in common that we both had a lot to say about, or whatever...surely you know what "clicking" means without me trying to explain it! So I can understand her not being interested - I probably wouldn't have been either, except that she was attractive enough for me to be willing to go further just because I am after the experience... :) Our secret, eh?

So what should I do to avoid feeling depressed? There's a bit of an urge to recap the date and figure out what went wrong, but I've decided that's not the way to go. Not for me, I would obsess over it and it would make me more anxious and down.

Like all mishaps on this quest, I am going to try to just shrug this one off. In reality, I'm communicating with seven other ladies......'nuff said. Plus, going on a date with this girl and talking to her on the phone several times was GREAT experience for the quest! And, it's good to have experienced the first Friends Speech of my life. Remarkably, that indicates that I partook in a romantic social activity (!), and "rejection" is no longer some unexperienced, yet inevitable bump in the road to be feared.

Finally, I already had another date lined up for tomorrow before I even knew she wasn't interested. So.....I should be fine ;)

Here is a summary of mistakes that I made in the aftermath of my first date, that contributed to problems (e.g., anxiety and feeling down) afterwards:

1. Getting too attached. With the objective to socialize as much as possible, I need to just enjoy my time with my dates, but avoid forming any expectations or even hopes of things going further. If it happens, it happens. If not, fine - that would really only put a damper on my ability to see a large number of different people.

2. Overthinking the meeting. In my post-meeting entries, I list what went well, and what I need to work on. That's about all the thinking I should be doing about the dates, or whatever. It's obviously natural to think about things a little, in passing, but this time I was anxiously dwelling over the events of the entire evening. That can't happen again.

Another date tomorrow. I've learned plenty from my mistakes with the first one, so hopefully it will go better. And if it doesn't, I will just shrug it off, learn from my mistakes, and keep on pushing.

The journey continues.