Yep, it's been a whopping 18 days since I've posted. When you see this blog go silent like that, fear not, my friends, for I will never give up on this great mission of mine.
Why the silence? I haven't been doing much of anything. The girl I've been seeing (the one I went on three dates with) actually caught pneumonia the day before the would-be fourth date I set up with her. Amazingly, next Sunday will mark 2 full months since our first date. It looks like we're still seeing each other, but we've only been able to manage 3 dates in that time.
So I said something in my last post about not going on anymore blind dates from eHarmony/match.com. I take it all back....
With the lull in the action, I figured, why not? I need all the practice I can possibly get, so why give that up? Sure, I'll try to move on to other ways of meeting people...but I can do both. I have a goal of completing this mission, from start to finish, in a single year. That means I have until July 9, 2008 to have gone from Zero to Hero. There's a long way to go, perhaps, so I knew there was no time to waste passing up opportunities just on principle.
And boy, did an opportunity come my way last Monday. There was a girl on eHarmony, who in her profile pictures looked like a model. We'd both written something meaningful and deep in our guided communication responses on eHarmony - she'd told me that mine were beautiful and heartfelt, and she loved reading them. We exchanged e-mail one time after that, and then she disappeared completely.
And then, I checked my e-mail on Monday. . She wanted to know if I was still single, and if so, if I was interested in getting to know each other. Ahhh! Yep, it was three days before Valentine's Day. This girl was single, and I was an opportunity she'd passed up over three months ago.
I jokingly gave her a bit of a hard time about the 3 month gap in my response, and that set the tone for what was to come. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple days, and I made jokes or made light fun of her whenever I had the chance. We were having a good time (over e-mail and texts, mind you) . On Valentine's Day I was at the gym, and she texted me "You'd better get those muscles big, because I like strong men!" And my response was "You'd better get your beauty sleep, because I like beautiful women!" It was a funny comeback, and it allowed me to continue preventing anyone from feeling like we were somehow on different levels, even though I thought she looked like a model online.
Our Starbucks date was set for this afternoon. The plan? 45 minutes, as always. I didn't want to sit down at blogger afterwards and write the usual "it was more of the same" description of the date. I knew I was still probably going to get to see the other girl again (I've called and sent her texts to check on her, and she's responded positively), so in a way, it didn't matter how well things worked out with this new girl. So I was going to try something different. Instead of going through the usual conversation topics, I kept in mind things we could talk about based on our fun little text communications before. I was going to try to continue to be confident and funny. I was even planning to give her a palm reading - no risk, no reward.
I tried to figure out how to think about this upcoming date in a way that would minimize or eliminate my anxiety. I started coming up with theories. I may be making progress, but I don't have a clear strategy to present yet.
At some point though, I started thinking....I said I was on the brink before that last third-date. I'd gotten further than ever before. Nothing had changed: I was in the best shape of my life with this social stuff. So maybe today was a test to see if I really had turned the corner. I didn't even call the last three girls I went on first dates with. For all I know, those dates could have gone just as well as any.
Back to today. We met up at Starbucks in the Chinatown of her city. The place was absolutely jam packed. Not a single place to sit. I was prepared this time (unlike in one of the first date entries you'll find in this blog), and had a decisive plan. I told her we would talk a walk, and find someplace else.
The second Starbucks we walked to was just as full, so we ended up in a tapas restaurant. This was good, except for the fact that I make the first-dates Starbucks dates for a reason. I figure the longer the date, the better the chances of me screwing something up! I'd done restaurants twice before, and neither worked out.
But this was different. I've made a ton of progress since I started this gig. A light dinner and drinks on a blind date - not a problem.
I wasn't doing perfectly. My voice was a little off, as usual. I inexplicably failed to pronounce the word "environmentalist," precisely like I blew the word "hospitality" on my first succesful date in August. I didn't feel anxious at all (I almost never do once I've met the person), but there must have been some kind of subconscious nervousness or something to cause that. Nonetheless, I was able to continue some of my confidence and humor. We did end up talking about some of the usual stuff - school, siblings, where she's from , and what not - but I got plenty of the other stuff in as well.
The best part of the date came when I asked her about politics. I know what people say, but things like politics are amazingly great topics for me. The couple times when I've been 100% relaxed and engaged, conversing fluently, it's been when I was debating something, or at least when I've had plenty to say about the matter.
I'd been gradually beginning to feel more comfortable (the clock might have run out on me if we had just been at Starbucks!), so I went for it. I'd been asking her about keeping skeletons out of her closet for future presidential ambitions, and I turned the topic to Obama's drug usage. We were both on the edge of our seats, discussing...cocaine :) It was fun, and interesting, and we were physically closer together making good eye contact.
I let the arrival of the receipt determine the time the date would end. She'd taken public transportation to get there, so I offered to drive her home. She said said it wasn't necessary, but I asked her if she was sure.....lo and behold, she accepted! I'd met another public transportation girl in the city back in August, and she'd declined the ride home. After that, she (date #2) ignored my phone call and e-mail - so I figured accepting the ride was a good sign.
She wanted to stop at a store before we went to my car, so she was in no hurry to get away from me.
With my social driving anxiety completely annihilated by previous efforts, it went off without a hitch. I kept asking questions, beckoning her to sing for me, and generally being fun. When we reached her place, I insisted on walking her to her door. Finally: mastery of the basics!
She was going to invite me in to see her dog (probably another good sign!), but the dog was upstairs and her roommate was sitting in the living room. She hugged me. The final word? "Thanks for driving. I'll see you later dear."
Yep, that was a new one. But on the way I home, I figured it doesn't mean much of anything - you can never tell. I thought about how the other girl I'm (hopefully) still seeing had sent me a text less than an hour after our date. Would this girl even send me a follow-up at all? If not, I was going to probably ask her out again anyway, because it had ended up going pretty well. As for the slight voice thing, the blown word, and other little problems - I told myself, "Nobody's perfect." It was a good date.
A couple minutes after I got home.....beep beep beep! An incoming text message.
Could it be? Could this girl like me enough to text me like the other girl? Something that I thought was rare and amazing?
"Thank you for dinner & the ride home James... you are clearly a great guy."
WOW! That made my day, and more. What more could I possibly ask for?
And so, I've given myself something like 4 more months and 3 more weeks to finish this thing off. Complete the mission. Become consistently comfortable and able to be myself in across-the-board social situations.
There was a minor setback in that the last friend I thought I'd made didn't respond to my texts or contact me after our first meeting. But I'm fine with that, because I was able to be myself with her, and that's all I care about.
I've come a long, long way, but the mission is a challenge. An enormous challenge.
It's how we manage challenges that determines the quality of our lives.
Why the silence? I haven't been doing much of anything. The girl I've been seeing (the one I went on three dates with) actually caught pneumonia the day before the would-be fourth date I set up with her. Amazingly, next Sunday will mark 2 full months since our first date. It looks like we're still seeing each other, but we've only been able to manage 3 dates in that time.
So I said something in my last post about not going on anymore blind dates from eHarmony/match.com. I take it all back....
With the lull in the action, I figured, why not? I need all the practice I can possibly get, so why give that up? Sure, I'll try to move on to other ways of meeting people...but I can do both. I have a goal of completing this mission, from start to finish, in a single year. That means I have until July 9, 2008 to have gone from Zero to Hero. There's a long way to go, perhaps, so I knew there was no time to waste passing up opportunities just on principle.
And boy, did an opportunity come my way last Monday. There was a girl on eHarmony, who in her profile pictures looked like a model. We'd both written something meaningful and deep in our guided communication responses on eHarmony - she'd told me that mine were beautiful and heartfelt, and she loved reading them. We exchanged e-mail one time after that, and then she disappeared completely.
And then, I checked my e-mail on Monday. . She wanted to know if I was still single, and if so, if I was interested in getting to know each other. Ahhh! Yep, it was three days before Valentine's Day. This girl was single, and I was an opportunity she'd passed up over three months ago.
I jokingly gave her a bit of a hard time about the 3 month gap in my response, and that set the tone for what was to come. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple days, and I made jokes or made light fun of her whenever I had the chance. We were having a good time (over e-mail and texts, mind you) . On Valentine's Day I was at the gym, and she texted me "You'd better get those muscles big, because I like strong men!" And my response was "You'd better get your beauty sleep, because I like beautiful women!" It was a funny comeback, and it allowed me to continue preventing anyone from feeling like we were somehow on different levels, even though I thought she looked like a model online.
Our Starbucks date was set for this afternoon. The plan? 45 minutes, as always. I didn't want to sit down at blogger afterwards and write the usual "it was more of the same" description of the date. I knew I was still probably going to get to see the other girl again (I've called and sent her texts to check on her, and she's responded positively), so in a way, it didn't matter how well things worked out with this new girl. So I was going to try something different. Instead of going through the usual conversation topics, I kept in mind things we could talk about based on our fun little text communications before. I was going to try to continue to be confident and funny. I was even planning to give her a palm reading - no risk, no reward.
I tried to figure out how to think about this upcoming date in a way that would minimize or eliminate my anxiety. I started coming up with theories. I may be making progress, but I don't have a clear strategy to present yet.
At some point though, I started thinking....I said I was on the brink before that last third-date. I'd gotten further than ever before. Nothing had changed: I was in the best shape of my life with this social stuff. So maybe today was a test to see if I really had turned the corner. I didn't even call the last three girls I went on first dates with. For all I know, those dates could have gone just as well as any.
Back to today. We met up at Starbucks in the Chinatown of her city. The place was absolutely jam packed. Not a single place to sit. I was prepared this time (unlike in one of the first date entries you'll find in this blog), and had a decisive plan. I told her we would talk a walk, and find someplace else.
The second Starbucks we walked to was just as full, so we ended up in a tapas restaurant. This was good, except for the fact that I make the first-dates Starbucks dates for a reason. I figure the longer the date, the better the chances of me screwing something up! I'd done restaurants twice before, and neither worked out.
But this was different. I've made a ton of progress since I started this gig. A light dinner and drinks on a blind date - not a problem.
I wasn't doing perfectly. My voice was a little off, as usual. I inexplicably failed to pronounce the word "environmentalist," precisely like I blew the word "hospitality" on my first succesful date in August. I didn't feel anxious at all (I almost never do once I've met the person), but there must have been some kind of subconscious nervousness or something to cause that. Nonetheless, I was able to continue some of my confidence and humor. We did end up talking about some of the usual stuff - school, siblings, where she's from , and what not - but I got plenty of the other stuff in as well.
The best part of the date came when I asked her about politics. I know what people say, but things like politics are amazingly great topics for me. The couple times when I've been 100% relaxed and engaged, conversing fluently, it's been when I was debating something, or at least when I've had plenty to say about the matter.
I'd been gradually beginning to feel more comfortable (the clock might have run out on me if we had just been at Starbucks!), so I went for it. I'd been asking her about keeping skeletons out of her closet for future presidential ambitions, and I turned the topic to Obama's drug usage. We were both on the edge of our seats, discussing...cocaine :) It was fun, and interesting, and we were physically closer together making good eye contact.
I let the arrival of the receipt determine the time the date would end. She'd taken public transportation to get there, so I offered to drive her home. She said said it wasn't necessary, but I asked her if she was sure.....lo and behold, she accepted! I'd met another public transportation girl in the city back in August, and she'd declined the ride home. After that, she (date #2) ignored my phone call and e-mail - so I figured accepting the ride was a good sign.
She wanted to stop at a store before we went to my car, so she was in no hurry to get away from me.
With my social driving anxiety completely annihilated by previous efforts, it went off without a hitch. I kept asking questions, beckoning her to sing for me, and generally being fun. When we reached her place, I insisted on walking her to her door. Finally: mastery of the basics!
She was going to invite me in to see her dog (probably another good sign!), but the dog was upstairs and her roommate was sitting in the living room. She hugged me. The final word? "Thanks for driving. I'll see you later dear."
Yep, that was a new one. But on the way I home, I figured it doesn't mean much of anything - you can never tell. I thought about how the other girl I'm (hopefully) still seeing had sent me a text less than an hour after our date. Would this girl even send me a follow-up at all? If not, I was going to probably ask her out again anyway, because it had ended up going pretty well. As for the slight voice thing, the blown word, and other little problems - I told myself, "Nobody's perfect." It was a good date.
A couple minutes after I got home.....beep beep beep! An incoming text message.
Could it be? Could this girl like me enough to text me like the other girl? Something that I thought was rare and amazing?
"Thank you for dinner & the ride home James... you are clearly a great guy."
WOW! That made my day, and more. What more could I possibly ask for?
And so, I've given myself something like 4 more months and 3 more weeks to finish this thing off. Complete the mission. Become consistently comfortable and able to be myself in across-the-board social situations.
There was a minor setback in that the last friend I thought I'd made didn't respond to my texts or contact me after our first meeting. But I'm fine with that, because I was able to be myself with her, and that's all I care about.
I've come a long, long way, but the mission is a challenge. An enormous challenge.
It's how we manage challenges that determines the quality of our lives.
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