February was a slow month. It was a slightly shorter month, sure, but that's no excuse for only having a measley two experiences to discuss.
This month, I am going to make up for it.
I'm off to a fast start. I went on another first-date (#23 overall) yesterday, and it was virtually perfect. Far and away the best first-date I've been on. As usual, I felt a bit of anxiety in the minutes leading up to it, but so little that I deem it "normal-person stuff." After talking amorously to someone online for over a week, who wouldn't feel a little something before finally meeting them? I saw her looking out of the window of the Starbucks of Barnes & Noble, and I simply began to take the seat next to her, smiled, and said hey.
Things got off to a good start. I stayed calmer than usual, focusing outwardly instead of reacting to little things in my mind. Somehow, we got into something resembling an actual conversation while waited and ordered - usually, that's the awkward part. She asked me how my day at work was (my usual line!), and then something about my favorite basketball team. I answered calmly. Humorously. Comfortably..... this time, I was myself.
We took a seat, and nothing changed. The conversation moved naturally from one topic to another. I never had to search the list of topics in my mind. I'd even written a few things down beforehand, but I didn't have to try to remember them. It helped having prepared, though, because things she said triggered a few topics I had planned, and I asked her questions about them effortlessly.
This was one of the rare times when my date actually asked a good number of questions about me - it was nothing like usual, with me going through a list of questions and just listening. My voice was perfect. It took me no effort to think of what to say. I made jokes. I teased her. I was confident:
Her: "So what about you?"
Me: "What about me? ...I'm awesome....but you already knew that...."
Me: "You had a lot of questions before. What was with the flurry of questions the last few days?"
(Her girlfriends had made a list of questions to use in screening me. This led to a discussion of "deal-breakers" in dating)
Ccontrast that with the October date where I froze when asked, "tell me about yourself."
I can't stress it enough - I was completely myself. There were changes in my tone of voice, facial expressions, and other little things that were missing on all of the dates where I was nervous or tense. It was a lot like the way my interaction went with that one friend I've made since July.
I was aiming for 45 minutes, but she kept talking, trying to think of things to ask me. She even asked what I was doing the rest of the week, and told me all about what she had planned, even though it was nothing special (probably good signs here). I finally cut out after an hour and a half. I made one final joke about her bad driving, and she said "Have a safe drive home, and I'll talk to you later?" That question-format has been a bad omen in the past, but I felt sure that it was positive this time. I said "Alright, see ya" and that was it.
So, it was good. So good, in fact, that we should definitely try to figure out anything that I was doing differently this time.
1. I stayed calm at the beginning and focused externally.
2. I was completely unreserved when talking to her online beforehand. For example, she asked if I had ever been married, and I e-mailed her: "You'll be my first and last, baby, if you manage to play all your cards right." She responded positively, so I went into our first meeting determined to be just as confident in person, and to just have fun with this, since nothing else has gotten me very far anyway. (Side note - being uninhibited online and especially in person is A LOT of fun)
3. She asked me plenty of questions....things about my interests that I could actually answer easily. Not an improvement to be attributed to me, but maybe it just goes to show that it helps to be with the right person.
That's about it. I'm determined to try harder than I have been, so I'm going on yet another first-date tomorrow night.
In case anyone's wondering about the subject of my previous bleak post....today I decided I would either erase her phone number, texts, and e-mails - to put her completely behind me - or instead, try for a Hail Mary: one last text, just in case she wasn't really out of this. I texted, "What's up, babe? staying well?" and she sent an enthusiastic-looking response a few minutes later. I texted again, asking if she wanted to do something this weekend. I told her that if so, it was her turn to choose the day, time, and activity. 6 hours later, and no response....but we'll see.
Combined with having dated other girls, the whole fiasco with her apparently ignoring my calls made me realize that I should probably only be pursuing someone who's going to ask questions about me. How simple! I've also never seen her (or anyone else) two weeks in a row. I would love to date someone consistently. That'd be awesome in and of itself, but it would also give me the type of consistent social practice that could get me to the finish line by the one year anniversary of the blog.
This month, I am going to make up for it.
I'm off to a fast start. I went on another first-date (#23 overall) yesterday, and it was virtually perfect. Far and away the best first-date I've been on. As usual, I felt a bit of anxiety in the minutes leading up to it, but so little that I deem it "normal-person stuff." After talking amorously to someone online for over a week, who wouldn't feel a little something before finally meeting them? I saw her looking out of the window of the Starbucks of Barnes & Noble, and I simply began to take the seat next to her, smiled, and said hey.
Things got off to a good start. I stayed calmer than usual, focusing outwardly instead of reacting to little things in my mind. Somehow, we got into something resembling an actual conversation while waited and ordered - usually, that's the awkward part. She asked me how my day at work was (my usual line!), and then something about my favorite basketball team. I answered calmly. Humorously. Comfortably..... this time, I was myself.
We took a seat, and nothing changed. The conversation moved naturally from one topic to another. I never had to search the list of topics in my mind. I'd even written a few things down beforehand, but I didn't have to try to remember them. It helped having prepared, though, because things she said triggered a few topics I had planned, and I asked her questions about them effortlessly.
This was one of the rare times when my date actually asked a good number of questions about me - it was nothing like usual, with me going through a list of questions and just listening. My voice was perfect. It took me no effort to think of what to say. I made jokes. I teased her. I was confident:
Her: "So what about you?"
Me: "What about me? ...I'm awesome....but you already knew that...."
Me: "You had a lot of questions before. What was with the flurry of questions the last few days?"
(Her girlfriends had made a list of questions to use in screening me. This led to a discussion of "deal-breakers" in dating)
Ccontrast that with the October date where I froze when asked, "tell me about yourself."
I can't stress it enough - I was completely myself. There were changes in my tone of voice, facial expressions, and other little things that were missing on all of the dates where I was nervous or tense. It was a lot like the way my interaction went with that one friend I've made since July.
I was aiming for 45 minutes, but she kept talking, trying to think of things to ask me. She even asked what I was doing the rest of the week, and told me all about what she had planned, even though it was nothing special (probably good signs here). I finally cut out after an hour and a half. I made one final joke about her bad driving, and she said "Have a safe drive home, and I'll talk to you later?" That question-format has been a bad omen in the past, but I felt sure that it was positive this time. I said "Alright, see ya" and that was it.
So, it was good. So good, in fact, that we should definitely try to figure out anything that I was doing differently this time.
1. I stayed calm at the beginning and focused externally.
2. I was completely unreserved when talking to her online beforehand. For example, she asked if I had ever been married, and I e-mailed her: "You'll be my first and last, baby, if you manage to play all your cards right." She responded positively, so I went into our first meeting determined to be just as confident in person, and to just have fun with this, since nothing else has gotten me very far anyway. (Side note - being uninhibited online and especially in person is A LOT of fun)
3. She asked me plenty of questions....things about my interests that I could actually answer easily. Not an improvement to be attributed to me, but maybe it just goes to show that it helps to be with the right person.
That's about it. I'm determined to try harder than I have been, so I'm going on yet another first-date tomorrow night.
In case anyone's wondering about the subject of my previous bleak post....today I decided I would either erase her phone number, texts, and e-mails - to put her completely behind me - or instead, try for a Hail Mary: one last text, just in case she wasn't really out of this. I texted, "What's up, babe? staying well?" and she sent an enthusiastic-looking response a few minutes later. I texted again, asking if she wanted to do something this weekend. I told her that if so, it was her turn to choose the day, time, and activity. 6 hours later, and no response....but we'll see.
Combined with having dated other girls, the whole fiasco with her apparently ignoring my calls made me realize that I should probably only be pursuing someone who's going to ask questions about me. How simple! I've also never seen her (or anyone else) two weeks in a row. I would love to date someone consistently. That'd be awesome in and of itself, but it would also give me the type of consistent social practice that could get me to the finish line by the one year anniversary of the blog.
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