We're rapidly approaching the 9-month mark. Nine months of effort that has never once ceased.
I've been growing extremely impatient lately. Since the last fiasco, my feelings of restlessness have been greater than anything I could put into words. To some extent, that's okay. After all, could you really expect anything less from someone as determined as I? Nine months is a long time, but evidently not enough to completely reverse a situation that has had over 18 years to develop.
In my restless desire for change and excitement (the definition of impatience, verbatim), I've been overlooking much of the success of the last nine months. So far, most of my dating experiences have not generally been successful, and by their very nature, many have caused me a great deal of heartache. But from day 1, dating was always just a single part of a much larger plan.
I've been gaining tons of experience. There have been off days, but overall, we've seen my anxiety/nervousness reduced, and my confidence/conversation skills improve. Here's a quick recap of my major new experiences:
1) 25 dates we remember all too well (from match.com and eHarmony.com).
2) 3 first-time meetings with "strictly platonic" intentions (from craigslist.com).
#1: August. I was shy, but not too nervous, and we hung out again. Then, I was myself with her. We'll be hanging out for the sixth time on Saturday. The one new friend I've actually made!
#2: September. I was shy, and a little nervous too. She ignored me afterwards.
#3: January. I was completely myself - it was amazing. But she ignored me afterwards anyway.
3) One failed attempt at being friends with someone I went out on 1 date with. Just this month, but it was an off-day and I wasn't myself.
Oops. Turns out, those are the only things that qualify as "major." Of course, I met up with some groups from meetup.com, prosinthecity.com, and elsewhere, but I felt as if I didn't manage to achieve any more on those days than I did before I even started this mission.
And so, I have to do much more. It's become urgent. Urgent, because early on I decided that I wanted to make extraordinary progress within a single year. Urgent, because I can feel myself slipping into the abyss of shyness at work. The abyss where I can usually count the words I've said in a single day, and where I start to feel anxious about even trying to make conversation, because I know people won't expect it from me. That's the reality I suffered growing up, and I can't go back to that.
That said, some new strategies are in order. For one, I need to do a little (or a lot) better with the old idea of joining clubs. Group situations are the hardest for me, and as a result, my attempts so far just haven't worked. My new plan is to find something where I will be forced to get to know a group of people around my age by seeing them regularly, and where I will be forced to - you guessed it! - talk to them. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them, but the first thing I've come up with is to take an acting class. Actors are anything but shy. I'll have no choice but to talk to my classmates, and I won't even have to think of what to say, since it'll be scripted! I think it's a brilliant idea, but I'll hold off on further discussion until I try it out.
Second, I'm going to have to come up with something at work. If I have to require myself to do a certain amount of talking every day, then that's what I'll do.
Third, I'm going to continue to try to meet friends on craigslist. Believe it or not, I've been monitoring the listings all the time, but haven't met anyone other than the 3 people I mentioned. I've now moved on to posting my own ad - picture and all - and I'm corresponding with a couple people who I will try to meet up with soon.
Lastly, I need to come up with even more ideas to keep myself socially immersed, and I need to follow through with them, no matter how difficult. I'll also continue the dating, but with notion of being more patient. Like I said in July: to try is to succeed.
I've been growing extremely impatient lately. Since the last fiasco, my feelings of restlessness have been greater than anything I could put into words. To some extent, that's okay. After all, could you really expect anything less from someone as determined as I? Nine months is a long time, but evidently not enough to completely reverse a situation that has had over 18 years to develop.
In my restless desire for change and excitement (the definition of impatience, verbatim), I've been overlooking much of the success of the last nine months. So far, most of my dating experiences have not generally been successful, and by their very nature, many have caused me a great deal of heartache. But from day 1, dating was always just a single part of a much larger plan.
I've been gaining tons of experience. There have been off days, but overall, we've seen my anxiety/nervousness reduced, and my confidence/conversation skills improve. Here's a quick recap of my major new experiences:
1) 25 dates we remember all too well (from match.com and eHarmony.com).
2) 3 first-time meetings with "strictly platonic" intentions (from craigslist.com).
#1: August. I was shy, but not too nervous, and we hung out again. Then, I was myself with her. We'll be hanging out for the sixth time on Saturday. The one new friend I've actually made!
#2: September. I was shy, and a little nervous too. She ignored me afterwards.
#3: January. I was completely myself - it was amazing. But she ignored me afterwards anyway.
3) One failed attempt at being friends with someone I went out on 1 date with. Just this month, but it was an off-day and I wasn't myself.
Oops. Turns out, those are the only things that qualify as "major." Of course, I met up with some groups from meetup.com, prosinthecity.com, and elsewhere, but I felt as if I didn't manage to achieve any more on those days than I did before I even started this mission.
And so, I have to do much more. It's become urgent. Urgent, because early on I decided that I wanted to make extraordinary progress within a single year. Urgent, because I can feel myself slipping into the abyss of shyness at work. The abyss where I can usually count the words I've said in a single day, and where I start to feel anxious about even trying to make conversation, because I know people won't expect it from me. That's the reality I suffered growing up, and I can't go back to that.
That said, some new strategies are in order. For one, I need to do a little (or a lot) better with the old idea of joining clubs. Group situations are the hardest for me, and as a result, my attempts so far just haven't worked. My new plan is to find something where I will be forced to get to know a group of people around my age by seeing them regularly, and where I will be forced to - you guessed it! - talk to them. If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them, but the first thing I've come up with is to take an acting class. Actors are anything but shy. I'll have no choice but to talk to my classmates, and I won't even have to think of what to say, since it'll be scripted! I think it's a brilliant idea, but I'll hold off on further discussion until I try it out.
Second, I'm going to have to come up with something at work. If I have to require myself to do a certain amount of talking every day, then that's what I'll do.
Third, I'm going to continue to try to meet friends on craigslist. Believe it or not, I've been monitoring the listings all the time, but haven't met anyone other than the 3 people I mentioned. I've now moved on to posting my own ad - picture and all - and I'm corresponding with a couple people who I will try to meet up with soon.
Lastly, I need to come up with even more ideas to keep myself socially immersed, and I need to follow through with them, no matter how difficult. I'll also continue the dating, but with notion of being more patient. Like I said in July: to try is to succeed.
1 comment:
How 'bout joining Spanish classes? He he.
BTW, found this here:
"Make your mistakes quickly. You may mess things up on the first try, but do it fast, and then move on. Document what led to the error so that you learn what to recognize, and then move on. Get the mistakes out of the way. As Shakespeare put it, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."
--
mividatimida
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