Yep. Since meeting the first back in August, I've finally made a second friend!
I first met her only six days ago, but we hung out for a second time today, and now I can definitely consider her a friend.
I used the day as an opportunity to experiment with some of the ideas I've been writing about in the last few posts. Instead of doing a lot of thinking first, I just called her up, asked her if she wanted to shoot some pool around 5:15, and said I'd come by and get her. It was simple! I was mimicking my approach with my other two friends, who I've been completely comfortable with for a long time.
My plan was to focus on three things: following my impulses; ignoring anxiety and stopping negative thoughts; and staying present. Things started out okay, but I knew I could do better. I was basically where I'd left off with her - doing pretty well, but not completley being myself. When I mentioned my acting class, she said that she was surprised that I was doing acting, because her first impression of me was that I was shy. I brushed off the comment by joking that maybe I was just pretending to be shy to practice for an upcoming role (in "The Mission" the movie, perhaps?) , but it verified my perception of our first meeting.
While we played pool, I found myself ruminating about my strategy for dealing with anxiety. The result was that I was playing and making comments, and yet was not fully engaged in the activity. And as an apparent result, I wasn't quite being myself.
Finally, I decided to let it go. I knew that I needed to have faith that I could remember and stick to my strategies without actively thinking about them. Instead, I would focus entirely on being present - I'd hypothesized just today that doing so opens up the door to everything else.
I was able to pull it off. I engaged myself fully with the external world, and things quickly began to improve. As we ate dinner, I found that the conversation flowed without any awkwardness or lulls (unlike our first meeting), and I was making jokes, teasing, and doing a good amount of the talking. Behold - I was being myself!
All of that continued through the drive back to her home, where she thanked me and told me that she'd had a good night. We'd been together about four hours.
To summarize: It seems to be most important to "stay present," and trust yourself to employ the other strategies without distracting yourself by thinking about them.
I first met her only six days ago, but we hung out for a second time today, and now I can definitely consider her a friend.
I used the day as an opportunity to experiment with some of the ideas I've been writing about in the last few posts. Instead of doing a lot of thinking first, I just called her up, asked her if she wanted to shoot some pool around 5:15, and said I'd come by and get her. It was simple! I was mimicking my approach with my other two friends, who I've been completely comfortable with for a long time.
My plan was to focus on three things: following my impulses; ignoring anxiety and stopping negative thoughts; and staying present. Things started out okay, but I knew I could do better. I was basically where I'd left off with her - doing pretty well, but not completley being myself. When I mentioned my acting class, she said that she was surprised that I was doing acting, because her first impression of me was that I was shy. I brushed off the comment by joking that maybe I was just pretending to be shy to practice for an upcoming role (in "The Mission" the movie, perhaps?) , but it verified my perception of our first meeting.
While we played pool, I found myself ruminating about my strategy for dealing with anxiety. The result was that I was playing and making comments, and yet was not fully engaged in the activity. And as an apparent result, I wasn't quite being myself.
Finally, I decided to let it go. I knew that I needed to have faith that I could remember and stick to my strategies without actively thinking about them. Instead, I would focus entirely on being present - I'd hypothesized just today that doing so opens up the door to everything else.
I was able to pull it off. I engaged myself fully with the external world, and things quickly began to improve. As we ate dinner, I found that the conversation flowed without any awkwardness or lulls (unlike our first meeting), and I was making jokes, teasing, and doing a good amount of the talking. Behold - I was being myself!
All of that continued through the drive back to her home, where she thanked me and told me that she'd had a good night. We'd been together about four hours.
To summarize: It seems to be most important to "stay present," and trust yourself to employ the other strategies without distracting yourself by thinking about them.
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