Anxiety
This afternoon, I was thinking about taking the next step - being able to do all of these activities without anxiety. I noticed that when I have a passing thought about being being interested in someone I've met, it sometimes brings on a feeling of anxiety. Why, though? The obvious answer is that I actually care about how things go. In actuality, though, I feel anxious because I'm afraid that caring how things go will make me anxious, and that anxiety will cause me to mess up.
Confused? This isn't entirely clear to me yet, either. But my next idea was that this starts with another false signal from my brain, kick-starting the anxiety cycle I talked about before.
If you parse my earlier description, you'll see that I'm anxious because I'm afraid of.... being anxious! In reality, there is certainly no reason that "caring" should make me feel anxious. Thus, the only way I actually will be anxious is if I'm anxious about the prospect of being anxious. Since I can logically see that there is no real threat, I should be able to relax by ignoring the initial, conditioned anxious feeling, and perhaps trying to override it with some positive thoughts and feelings.
All of that sort of made sense to me. If I'm able to get it to work consistently, I'll include it in a revised Master Plan post.
Impulse
While I was thinking about all of that, I heard my phone ring. I checked out the call display, and behold - it was my playmate for Sunday's upcoming date #34 .
In my acting class, one principle that the instructor stresses is impulse. He tells us repeatedly that the first impulse is always correct. When you follow your impulses, you engage the right side of your brain instead of the left, and don't allow the left side time to generate doubt or anxiety. At least, this is my interpretation.
I've had some definite success doing that in the past. In fact, acting on impulse is the basis for my classic anti-inhibition strategy.
So without any real thought at all, I just answered the phone.
Yep. I answered. How brave! After all, the prospect of making a phone call after (or, on a few occasions, before) one of my dates has usually nearly paralyzed me. I didn't have any conversation topics in mind - let alone the usual written notes in front of me - but the pressure feels a lot lighter when the other person's calling you, anyway.
Within the first few moments, my voice was strikingly clear and eloquent. I projected it intentionally, and felt confident. Instead of thinking any self-conscious thoughts, I instead just stayed in the moment, and spoke to her. What's going on? What are you up to? Stuff like that. We had a brief conversation about her growing up in the city. She said she'd just wanted to hear my voice before we met up. I made a slightly humorous remark about that, and the phone call was over in less than 5 minutes. Afterwards, I felt some negative and doubtful thoughts creeping into my mind, but I forcefully pressed down on the mental brake pedal to stop them.
I felt good about it. It reminded me of my very first mission activity, which was an extended phone conversation with a girl I'd been e-mailing on eHarmony.
Ha - definitely check out that link. I was 23 years old, yet talking about my very first phone conversation with a girl. You can see how excited I was....funny stuff!
But things sure have changed a lot since August 5, 2007. I figure that if I could repeat that relationship attempt now, with all of the experience and skills I've gained to back me up, I would succeed easily. But behold! I can repeat that attempt - only, with a different person.
I feel at ease now. I always tell you how I feel more relaxed as soon as I've exchanged the first few words with my blind date. The phone call is just as good.
It's interesting that I have a date with a medical doctor. With the apparent vast difference in maturity, that would have seemed totally far-fetched when I started out less than a year ago. But now, I'm confident that she will still be very interested in me after we meet, because I'll be able to be myself.
This afternoon, I was thinking about taking the next step - being able to do all of these activities without anxiety. I noticed that when I have a passing thought about being being interested in someone I've met, it sometimes brings on a feeling of anxiety. Why, though? The obvious answer is that I actually care about how things go. In actuality, though, I feel anxious because I'm afraid that caring how things go will make me anxious, and that anxiety will cause me to mess up.
Confused? This isn't entirely clear to me yet, either. But my next idea was that this starts with another false signal from my brain, kick-starting the anxiety cycle I talked about before.
If you parse my earlier description, you'll see that I'm anxious because I'm afraid of.... being anxious! In reality, there is certainly no reason that "caring" should make me feel anxious. Thus, the only way I actually will be anxious is if I'm anxious about the prospect of being anxious. Since I can logically see that there is no real threat, I should be able to relax by ignoring the initial, conditioned anxious feeling, and perhaps trying to override it with some positive thoughts and feelings.
All of that sort of made sense to me. If I'm able to get it to work consistently, I'll include it in a revised Master Plan post.
Impulse
While I was thinking about all of that, I heard my phone ring. I checked out the call display, and behold - it was my playmate for Sunday's upcoming date #34 .
In my acting class, one principle that the instructor stresses is impulse. He tells us repeatedly that the first impulse is always correct. When you follow your impulses, you engage the right side of your brain instead of the left, and don't allow the left side time to generate doubt or anxiety. At least, this is my interpretation.
I've had some definite success doing that in the past. In fact, acting on impulse is the basis for my classic anti-inhibition strategy.
So without any real thought at all, I just answered the phone.
Yep. I answered. How brave! After all, the prospect of making a phone call after (or, on a few occasions, before) one of my dates has usually nearly paralyzed me. I didn't have any conversation topics in mind - let alone the usual written notes in front of me - but the pressure feels a lot lighter when the other person's calling you, anyway.
Within the first few moments, my voice was strikingly clear and eloquent. I projected it intentionally, and felt confident. Instead of thinking any self-conscious thoughts, I instead just stayed in the moment, and spoke to her. What's going on? What are you up to? Stuff like that. We had a brief conversation about her growing up in the city. She said she'd just wanted to hear my voice before we met up. I made a slightly humorous remark about that, and the phone call was over in less than 5 minutes. Afterwards, I felt some negative and doubtful thoughts creeping into my mind, but I forcefully pressed down on the mental brake pedal to stop them.
I felt good about it. It reminded me of my very first mission activity, which was an extended phone conversation with a girl I'd been e-mailing on eHarmony.
Ha - definitely check out that link. I was 23 years old, yet talking about my very first phone conversation with a girl. You can see how excited I was....funny stuff!
But things sure have changed a lot since August 5, 2007. I figure that if I could repeat that relationship attempt now, with all of the experience and skills I've gained to back me up, I would succeed easily. But behold! I can repeat that attempt - only, with a different person.
I feel at ease now. I always tell you how I feel more relaxed as soon as I've exchanged the first few words with my blind date. The phone call is just as good.
It's interesting that I have a date with a medical doctor. With the apparent vast difference in maturity, that would have seemed totally far-fetched when I started out less than a year ago. But now, I'm confident that she will still be very interested in me after we meet, because I'll be able to be myself.
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