Sometimes you're the statue, sometimes you're the pigeon.
That phrase sums up the last couple days of my mission.
Sunday evening, I sent another text message to the last young lady I'd met up with for a first date. It had been only my second date back in action after a tremendous six-week lull. I was still shaking off the rust with her at Starbucks that day, but I thought it'd gone well enough for her to be interested. She said she already had plans when I texted her (my new strategy after getting nervous on the voice-phone and blowing a chance with a girl after what seemed like a great first date), but I was skeptical. This time, she didn't respond at all, and that was the end of that.
As usual, I was the statue.
Yesterday, things were different. I was all set for my 31st date. My confidence level was finally high again, since I'd been on an extremely successful date only a few days prior.
Date #31 started out with a little confusion. I sat waiting at Starbucks for about 10 minutes after our set meeting time, getting a little nervous, wondering where my date was. We'd talked a lot through eHarmony, where'd she'd shown great interest, so I knew she wouldn't miss out on a chance to meet me. I texted her, asking if I had the right Starbucks, and it turned out she was on the other side of town.
It was actually good news. In the past, I'd always started out on the right foot, sounding and feeling good when I had to talk to my dates on the phone only minutes before the meeting. I'm not sure why; perhaps it's because I jump into it and dial the number without thinking. Or maybe it's more because the reason for the phone call is usually confusion or lateness that's my date's fault, making me feel feel more at ease with myself.
After she drove to another Starbucks and didn't find me there, I used my trusty navigation system to drive across town to finally meet her.
I read somewhere that a man knows within the first two minutes of a first date whether or not he wants a second. It doesn't even take me that long. She was sitting outside when I drove by the coffee shop, and I already knew I wouldn't be interested.
This time, I was the pigeon.
She was nervous, and as awkward as I usually am, from the get-go. She put out her hand to shake mine, but I gave her a hug instead. I kept conversation going for most of about 5 solid minutes while we waited for our drinks to be made. I was pretty comfortable - in fact, I even made a slightly humorous comment to the barista.
We then found a seat outside, and talked for about an hour. She said that she was a little nervous, and started out by telling me her reasons for joining eHarmony, and asking if I'd ever "done this before." I tried to avoid the question. "Done what?" She said met up with someone from the Internet for a date, and I just said yes. Then she asked how many times. Uh-oh! What you and I know - that I do this all the time - was not something she should know. Lying and saying "once" was much better than giving the honest answer of "over 20," so that's exactly what I did.
I was employing one of my newest strategies, in which I keep 4-5 specific conversation topics in mind instead of trying to remember all 20-30 from my list. Yesterday, one of them was her music career - something that's a big part of her life, but that I didn't have a whole lot to say about. It resulted in her doing a lot of talking about it (she talks a lot when she's nervous), and with me doing little but turning it into an interview-style meeting for much of the time. I wasn't feeling very engaged, and I started thinking about refining my strategy to choose only topics that I would have plenty to comment on.
I had plenty of time to think while she was talking, and decided that I should change the topic to something unimportant, but that I could talk about myself. I asked about a TV show, and some stuff like that. It then started going better, and we actually began to interact a bit. But soon afterwards, it was time to call it quits, so I told her I'd better head home and get some dinner.
And so, it was time for the Famous Last Words of the date.
She said, "Maybe we can, I don't know, meet up again sometime or something."
I said alright, and that I'd talk to her later. But the truth of the matter is, I knew it wouldn't work out. I didn't feel much of a connection, but that didn't matter - I'd certainly be willing to give that a chance, except one thing: I felt zero physical attraction. This was a blind date, and she didn't look the way I expected based on her eHarmony photos. I figured physical attraction would ultimately be a requirement, so going out with her again for practice, or for any other reason, would be worse than the alternative.
She sent me a text less than 15 minutes after I left.
"Hope i didnt completely bore ya! i was a little nervous and not really myself. you seem like a really sweet guy ;)"
I know as well as anyone in this world what it's like to be nervous and not yourself, but without attraction, there isn't much I can do for her. I texted back that she didn't bore me at all and that it was nice talking to her, but she'll have to go through the disappointment you've seen me experience so many times this past year.
The good news, of course, is that I've just been successful twice in a row. People like me! And I'm feeling pretty confident.
Any typos in this post can be blamed on the fact that my time is short - I have to go prepare for tomorrow's Date #32.
That phrase sums up the last couple days of my mission.
Sunday evening, I sent another text message to the last young lady I'd met up with for a first date. It had been only my second date back in action after a tremendous six-week lull. I was still shaking off the rust with her at Starbucks that day, but I thought it'd gone well enough for her to be interested. She said she already had plans when I texted her (my new strategy after getting nervous on the voice-phone and blowing a chance with a girl after what seemed like a great first date), but I was skeptical. This time, she didn't respond at all, and that was the end of that.
As usual, I was the statue.
Yesterday, things were different. I was all set for my 31st date. My confidence level was finally high again, since I'd been on an extremely successful date only a few days prior.
Date #31 started out with a little confusion. I sat waiting at Starbucks for about 10 minutes after our set meeting time, getting a little nervous, wondering where my date was. We'd talked a lot through eHarmony, where'd she'd shown great interest, so I knew she wouldn't miss out on a chance to meet me. I texted her, asking if I had the right Starbucks, and it turned out she was on the other side of town.
It was actually good news. In the past, I'd always started out on the right foot, sounding and feeling good when I had to talk to my dates on the phone only minutes before the meeting. I'm not sure why; perhaps it's because I jump into it and dial the number without thinking. Or maybe it's more because the reason for the phone call is usually confusion or lateness that's my date's fault, making me feel feel more at ease with myself.
After she drove to another Starbucks and didn't find me there, I used my trusty navigation system to drive across town to finally meet her.
I read somewhere that a man knows within the first two minutes of a first date whether or not he wants a second. It doesn't even take me that long. She was sitting outside when I drove by the coffee shop, and I already knew I wouldn't be interested.
This time, I was the pigeon.
She was nervous, and as awkward as I usually am, from the get-go. She put out her hand to shake mine, but I gave her a hug instead. I kept conversation going for most of about 5 solid minutes while we waited for our drinks to be made. I was pretty comfortable - in fact, I even made a slightly humorous comment to the barista.
We then found a seat outside, and talked for about an hour. She said that she was a little nervous, and started out by telling me her reasons for joining eHarmony, and asking if I'd ever "done this before." I tried to avoid the question. "Done what?" She said met up with someone from the Internet for a date, and I just said yes. Then she asked how many times. Uh-oh! What you and I know - that I do this all the time - was not something she should know. Lying and saying "once" was much better than giving the honest answer of "over 20," so that's exactly what I did.
I was employing one of my newest strategies, in which I keep 4-5 specific conversation topics in mind instead of trying to remember all 20-30 from my list. Yesterday, one of them was her music career - something that's a big part of her life, but that I didn't have a whole lot to say about. It resulted in her doing a lot of talking about it (she talks a lot when she's nervous), and with me doing little but turning it into an interview-style meeting for much of the time. I wasn't feeling very engaged, and I started thinking about refining my strategy to choose only topics that I would have plenty to comment on.
I had plenty of time to think while she was talking, and decided that I should change the topic to something unimportant, but that I could talk about myself. I asked about a TV show, and some stuff like that. It then started going better, and we actually began to interact a bit. But soon afterwards, it was time to call it quits, so I told her I'd better head home and get some dinner.
And so, it was time for the Famous Last Words of the date.
She said, "Maybe we can, I don't know, meet up again sometime or something."
I said alright, and that I'd talk to her later. But the truth of the matter is, I knew it wouldn't work out. I didn't feel much of a connection, but that didn't matter - I'd certainly be willing to give that a chance, except one thing: I felt zero physical attraction. This was a blind date, and she didn't look the way I expected based on her eHarmony photos. I figured physical attraction would ultimately be a requirement, so going out with her again for practice, or for any other reason, would be worse than the alternative.
She sent me a text less than 15 minutes after I left.
"Hope i didnt completely bore ya! i was a little nervous and not really myself. you seem like a really sweet guy ;)"
I know as well as anyone in this world what it's like to be nervous and not yourself, but without attraction, there isn't much I can do for her. I texted back that she didn't bore me at all and that it was nice talking to her, but she'll have to go through the disappointment you've seen me experience so many times this past year.
The good news, of course, is that I've just been successful twice in a row. People like me! And I'm feeling pretty confident.
Any typos in this post can be blamed on the fact that my time is short - I have to go prepare for tomorrow's Date #32.
No comments:
Post a Comment