Hey Jack, Just wanted to say hi. Hopefully you made it home safely before the tsunami hit last night haha.
Jill
With the names changed to protect the innocent, that e-mail completed The Trifecta. I went on 3 dates in six days, and each new acquaintance gave me unequivocal confirmation that she was still interested in me. Confirmation that, after spending an hour talking to me in person, she liked me, and wanted to see me again.
At last, I'm making clear, consistent progress. It took two dates to shake off the rust after that six-week lull, but now I'm back and doing as well as ever.
Date #32 was like most of the others. We met up at Starbucks, and I started out asking how her day was. A young woman and a frappuccino in front of me, a few conversation topics in mind.....you know the drill.
I noticed a few things this time. First of all, I was like an oiled machine during much of the conversation. When she asked me questions that I've heard and answered on many dates before, I didn't have to think to respond. It was smooth. The reason for this is obvious, yet frightening: experience. Being able to "smoothly" answer questions during a friendly conversation is nothing most people would even think twice about. But most people are different. They grew up having countless conversations, every day of their lives. With the exception of talking to my family, I spent my childhood in virtual silence. Yep - I'm still developing social skills that I should have had 15 years ago.
I felt confident and relaxed only moments after meeting her. Things were going just fine, and I could tell that she liked me. Unlike some of my dates, she asked me plenty of questions, rather than allowing me to become a virtual interviewer. I wasn't perfect - for example, I couldn't properly translate a few jokes I had in mind into words - but the conversation was definitely normal, and definitely good.
After about an hour, I told her I'd better head back and get some food (my delivery of this statement was dramatically smoother than it was three dates ago). We walked outside. She said, "Well it was very nice meeting you." I said "you too" and, for a change, added "Talk to you later." She said to have a good night.
Confidence
Once again, my confidence started to grow after meeting this last date. I feel as if there is no possible way she could lose interest in me. As if there is no way I can fail - I'll be seeing her as long as I please. It might seem like any of us could speak any such words to ourselves and feel more confident, but I've learned that just doesn't work. There's a big difference between saying words and actually believing something. I think the only way to actually feel confident - the key to overcoming shyness - is to build it up by having real success like I'm experiencing right now.
If you've even skimmed the titles of my blog entries, you know that I've actually had more bad experiences than good ones. How, then, do I build confidence with the memories of such dreadful days and nights? Right now, my plan is Focus. I intend to simply focus on the positive. If something negative pops into my mind, I let the thought pass, without fighting it; without dwelling on it. I shift my focus back to the very real, positive successes that I've had and continue to have. I move forward.
Up next: the first second-dates in 2 1/2 months. And then? I'm taking an acting class! 3 hours every Tuesday night. Lucky for all of us, I'll have something to write about other than dating.
Jill
With the names changed to protect the innocent, that e-mail completed The Trifecta. I went on 3 dates in six days, and each new acquaintance gave me unequivocal confirmation that she was still interested in me. Confirmation that, after spending an hour talking to me in person, she liked me, and wanted to see me again.
At last, I'm making clear, consistent progress. It took two dates to shake off the rust after that six-week lull, but now I'm back and doing as well as ever.
Date #32 was like most of the others. We met up at Starbucks, and I started out asking how her day was. A young woman and a frappuccino in front of me, a few conversation topics in mind.....you know the drill.
I noticed a few things this time. First of all, I was like an oiled machine during much of the conversation. When she asked me questions that I've heard and answered on many dates before, I didn't have to think to respond. It was smooth. The reason for this is obvious, yet frightening: experience. Being able to "smoothly" answer questions during a friendly conversation is nothing most people would even think twice about. But most people are different. They grew up having countless conversations, every day of their lives. With the exception of talking to my family, I spent my childhood in virtual silence. Yep - I'm still developing social skills that I should have had 15 years ago.
I felt confident and relaxed only moments after meeting her. Things were going just fine, and I could tell that she liked me. Unlike some of my dates, she asked me plenty of questions, rather than allowing me to become a virtual interviewer. I wasn't perfect - for example, I couldn't properly translate a few jokes I had in mind into words - but the conversation was definitely normal, and definitely good.
After about an hour, I told her I'd better head back and get some food (my delivery of this statement was dramatically smoother than it was three dates ago). We walked outside. She said, "Well it was very nice meeting you." I said "you too" and, for a change, added "Talk to you later." She said to have a good night.
Confidence
Once again, my confidence started to grow after meeting this last date. I feel as if there is no possible way she could lose interest in me. As if there is no way I can fail - I'll be seeing her as long as I please. It might seem like any of us could speak any such words to ourselves and feel more confident, but I've learned that just doesn't work. There's a big difference between saying words and actually believing something. I think the only way to actually feel confident - the key to overcoming shyness - is to build it up by having real success like I'm experiencing right now.
If you've even skimmed the titles of my blog entries, you know that I've actually had more bad experiences than good ones. How, then, do I build confidence with the memories of such dreadful days and nights? Right now, my plan is Focus. I intend to simply focus on the positive. If something negative pops into my mind, I let the thought pass, without fighting it; without dwelling on it. I shift my focus back to the very real, positive successes that I've had and continue to have. I move forward.
Up next: the first second-dates in 2 1/2 months. And then? I'm taking an acting class! 3 hours every Tuesday night. Lucky for all of us, I'll have something to write about other than dating.
2 comments:
hey J., when are you gonna update? I'm feeling stupid every time I get to your blog and find it this way.
Hey M,
I am so sorry! I have been thinking about it literally all the time! Actually, I am in the middle of a really really long entry that I started writing last week. I wanted to finish it off before posting, but I've just been so busy. Today I had my first acting class, which took up 3 whole hours after work, not counting the drive to and from the city. And tomorrow I have a date with "Jill." I don't even have enough time to sleep! But I promise, I will get it all written by the weekend :)
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