Things are in full-swing. Last Sunday, I met up for the first time with a person I'd talked to through hotornot.com's "Meet Me" feature. HotOrNot is not a dating site, per se, but they advertise the "Meet Me" feature by showing couples who met that way and ended up getting married. I have "friends" as one of the keywords in my profile, but nevertheless, the meeting was still a little ambiguous.
We'd talked over e-mail for a couple weeks - I could tell she was a very sweet girl. In person, she was just the same. Within the first 15 minutes or so, I felt a vibe as if everyone knew that it was not a date - good!
I shouldn't have experienced any pressure at all, since I had no romantic interest, but I still started out feeling a little off. My voice wasn't quite in gear, and I reverted back to not having anything come to mind to say about the general question "tell me about yourself." Forgot about that one! There were also some brief silences, and I wondered if she was going to make a comment about me not having much to say.
The real problem was that I wasn't "staying present." I'd gotten mentally distracted (as I so easily do) by the fact that she didn't look the way I expected, and by some other things completely unrelated to what was going on. Before long, though, I got myself together a bit, and things started to improve. I noticed myself saying things without inhibition. Things like "That's awesome," which I wouldn't say if I were being reserved and thinking over my words instead of just naturally saying what came to mind.
We hung out for about an hour and 45 minutes. She was wearing a red shirt that said "Counselor" on the back, and on the way out, a random Starbucks-goer jokingly asked if she could counsel him, and started telling us about wanting to change careers from meteorology to something where he could work with people. I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery, or what, but when I spoke to him, I noticed that I sounded completely confident again - as I do when I'm at my best. It was a good way to end the non-date.
I realized that with all the latest blog talk about confidence (for the record, I'd been trying those methods going into this, but it'll take time), the last thing I should do was to in any way worry about how things went, or wonder if she would want to hang out again. I wouldn't have had to have wondered for long anyway, though, because she sent me this e-mail the next day:
Hi Jack,
I just wanted to let you know that it was such a pleasure meeting you yesterday. I know that starbucks was not really your thing, but hopefully that vanilla frap wasn't too bad!
I hope you're having an amazing day!
Take care,
Rhonda
It took 10 months, but it looks like I finally managed to make a second friend during this mission.
We're hanging out again this Saturday.
Bonus
When it rains, it pours. A few weeks ago, I talked about a successful date where my date was clearly interested in me, but the feelings were not mutual. That time, I was the pigeon instead of the statue. I guess she really liked me a lot, because she sent me a message through eHarmony last night, even though I haven't contacted her since we met over 3 weeks ago:
So I haven't talked to ya in awhile and just wanted to say hi. You seem like a sweet guy, so maybe if this doesn't work out, we could be friends? Anyway, what have you been up to? hope your summer's going well.
Will I be friends with her? Of course I will! At least, I'll try. I don't know what the dynamic will be like, but I'd certainly like to be friends with anyone who wants to be friends with me.
We'd talked over e-mail for a couple weeks - I could tell she was a very sweet girl. In person, she was just the same. Within the first 15 minutes or so, I felt a vibe as if everyone knew that it was not a date - good!
I shouldn't have experienced any pressure at all, since I had no romantic interest, but I still started out feeling a little off. My voice wasn't quite in gear, and I reverted back to not having anything come to mind to say about the general question "tell me about yourself." Forgot about that one! There were also some brief silences, and I wondered if she was going to make a comment about me not having much to say.
The real problem was that I wasn't "staying present." I'd gotten mentally distracted (as I so easily do) by the fact that she didn't look the way I expected, and by some other things completely unrelated to what was going on. Before long, though, I got myself together a bit, and things started to improve. I noticed myself saying things without inhibition. Things like "That's awesome," which I wouldn't say if I were being reserved and thinking over my words instead of just naturally saying what came to mind.
We hung out for about an hour and 45 minutes. She was wearing a red shirt that said "Counselor" on the back, and on the way out, a random Starbucks-goer jokingly asked if she could counsel him, and started telling us about wanting to change careers from meteorology to something where he could work with people. I'm not sure if it was the change of scenery, or what, but when I spoke to him, I noticed that I sounded completely confident again - as I do when I'm at my best. It was a good way to end the non-date.
I realized that with all the latest blog talk about confidence (for the record, I'd been trying those methods going into this, but it'll take time), the last thing I should do was to in any way worry about how things went, or wonder if she would want to hang out again. I wouldn't have had to have wondered for long anyway, though, because she sent me this e-mail the next day:
Hi Jack,
I just wanted to let you know that it was such a pleasure meeting you yesterday. I know that starbucks was not really your thing, but hopefully that vanilla frap wasn't too bad!
I hope you're having an amazing day!
Take care,
Rhonda
It took 10 months, but it looks like I finally managed to make a second friend during this mission.
We're hanging out again this Saturday.
Bonus
When it rains, it pours. A few weeks ago, I talked about a successful date where my date was clearly interested in me, but the feelings were not mutual. That time, I was the pigeon instead of the statue. I guess she really liked me a lot, because she sent me a message through eHarmony last night, even though I haven't contacted her since we met over 3 weeks ago:
So I haven't talked to ya in awhile and just wanted to say hi. You seem like a sweet guy, so maybe if this doesn't work out, we could be friends? Anyway, what have you been up to? hope your summer's going well.
Will I be friends with her? Of course I will! At least, I'll try. I don't know what the dynamic will be like, but I'd certainly like to be friends with anyone who wants to be friends with me.
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