Another weekend had arrived. It would be the second weekend in a row without a date, or any planned social activity. Between lingering negative feelings from the last failed date and simply having nothing to look forward to, I was feeling less than fantastic by Friday night.
Once again, nothing was going on with either of my dating sites, eHarmony or match.com. The situation was beginning to look frighteningly like the six-week lull that started last March, during which I managed to produce no dates and little else to further my goals. After my extraordinary breakthrough in overcoming inhibition, this was a terrible prospect. I knew that I needed to keep attacking the problem with all my might before it could regain any ground.
And so, I decided to do something on Saturday. Two of my friends were out of town, and the third one was recovering from surgery, so whatever I did, I would have to do it alone.
My first thought was to go out and talk to someone in public. I started thinking that after over a year on this mission, that's something I ought to be able to do. In fact, I should even be able to meet a young lady who I could later call for a date - the online dating stuff was originally envisioned as only a means to this end.
I planned to do it at the mall. I'd use a line from the great blog approachanxiety.com. "Hi. I was on my way to such and such, and just wanted to say Hi." She'd smile, and I'd say "I'm J." Something like that.
One problem: I've tried to do this many times before. Many, many times! I write a lot of stuff in the blog, but a lot of other, unmentioned stuff actually goes on as well. Since starting the mission, I've gone to the mall with the intention of trying this more times than I can count, and I've never managed to do it. The situation has rarely seemed right, and when it has been, quite frankly, I've chickened out.
But I decided that things were going to have to change. I've made so much progress against inhibition now that I should actually be able to do it.
That said, I realized that the mall is boring, and it may be a little more difficult to meet someone there, since people generally don't go to the mall to look for potential mates. What if I were to go to a nightclub instead? A year ago, that would have been unthinkable, but now I've reached the point that there's no holding back. I am admittedly obsessed with this mission of mine, and there is nothing that I won't do in my efforts to complete it.
Once I decided I was going, I was going. No if's, and's, or but's about it - there was no possibility of me talking myself out of it, because I wouldn't allow any thoughts along those lines.
As it turns out, the situation with the nightclub was perfectly analogous to my mall situation. In college, we had dance parties on campus with a similar environment (minus the alcohol), and I'd tried to go and interact just about every time. And every single time I tried, I failed. I was way too inhibited to even dance a little, let alone try to initiate a conversation with someone. But last night, I decided that things would have to be different.
As I waited in line outside the club, a short and very cute girl smiled at me. I was in the middle of thinking through something, so it caught me off-guard, and I responded with only a closed-mouth smile and looked away. Then she smiled again, and I returned a smile showing my teeth, causing her to smile some more. I knew that I should have spoken to her. It would have been easy! That was the sort of failed interaction I experienced all the other times I put myself into such situations. I realized the night was very young though, so instead of getting discouraged, I did a little strategizing.
Simple stuff, just like with the dating: Stay present, focusing on the outside world instead of your own thoughts. That opens up the door to being able to make observations, and allows you to feel impulses for what to do instead of having to think about it. Finally, just let go of any inhibitions and follow your impulses. (Interestingly, my acting instructor also stressed staying in the moment, making observations, following your impulses and letting go).
In my first two hours inside the club, it was starting to look like nothing had changed. I stood on the side of the Latin dance floor, feeling as if there were no possible way I could get involved. It looked like everyone dancing had a partner, and I had come out alone. Then I moved to the hip-hop dance floor, and that seemed even worse! I wasn't doing anything except walking and standing, and yet I was already feeling a little self-conscious.
There weren't many people dancing in the hip-hop room, so I felt extremely self-conscious at the thought of dancing alone in there. Then I walked upstairs to the roof, where the music was quiet, so it would be easy to to have a conversation. Easy to hear the other person, that is - not so easy for me to initiate a conversation! I couldn't seem to find someone who was alone, and talking to someone in a group didn't seem manageable. Two girls were standing next to me chatting casually, and I realized that they probably would have been happy to speak to me. Then I realized I had gotten away from my strategies - it had been a couple minutes before I even realized that I could have spoken to them. I'd been too busy thinking through things in my head instead of being present.
And so, there was one last dance floor remaining. This time, I went to the balcony of the room to observe and plan before making an appearance. It was a techno music room. Two or three hundred people on the dance floor under the strobe lights, often jumping up and down in excitement with the music.
I'd been in the club almost 2 hours, and had neither danced nor spoken to anyone. I thought about the prospect of leaving, with the night ending just like all of my other, pre-mission attempts.
I spent quite a bit of time on that balcony. I got to thinking - things can be different. There are hundreds of people down there, and people will hardly notice me if I go down and dance. I don't know about meeting anyone, but I can at least have fun! And I thought about the things that I'd done on the mission. I thought about the fact that I'd danced one day when I was out with my friend. How I'd been silly, and yelled "I love you!" at the band that was playing. And I thought about how I'd been completely uninhibited on my last date. The tide was turning, and it would not be reversed on this night.
I walked down to the dance floor, and started dancing - small movements, but dancing nonetheless. I had decided - F it. Yep - F it! No more holding back. I didn't have anything to lose.
As I made my way up the dance floor, I had an idea. I decided that, for the time being, I didn't want to stand out in any way, so I would imitate what other people were doing. When I noticed a group of people jumping up and down and throwing their hands in the air, I jumped up and down and threw my hands in the air. When I heard people yelling, I yelled. When I noticed a particular dance move that I liked, I simply started doing it. If I didn't want to stand out, I wouldn't, because I would intentionally act like everyone else. Goodbye and good riddance, self-consciousness.
Within minutes, a wondrous thing started to happen. I had stopped imitating, and was merely following my own impulses for what to do. I was doing my own dance moves. I was jumping in the air because I felt like it, not because anyone else was. I was raising my hands above my head and clapping to the beat, without seeing anyone else do it.
I looked to the side, and saw a guy nodding. I was starting to lead some of the dance floor excitement.
Inhibition was no longer an issue. I was having a ton of fun, but after a while, I decided that I wanted more. I was in the most social of places, and I wanted to interact directly with another person. I was also in the most sexual of places - where a few men and women make out, while many others eye each other shamelessly - so I particularly wanted to interact with a woman.
This was my second time at a nightclub. I recapped the first time, when I went with my one pre-mission friend, in my 3/22/2008 Lab Notes entry. In that post, I made this comment:
....I made a little goal of dancing with an attractive girl, but I didn't really manage to do it. I observed though, and learned that a guy can just slowly put his arms around a girl in that setting and she'll probably dance with him. It would be pretty amazing for me, "king of the shys" to do that, but it'll make for an interesting blog entry if I manage to pull it off the next time.
And so, I knew what I had to do. I put my dancing on auto-pilot, and started looking around the room. It was time to stay present and put that observation skill to work: I needed to find a girl who was alone. It seemed as if none of the ladies in the establishment were alone, so I at least needed to find a woman who wasn't with a guy.
My mind was set. I swore to myself that I was going to do this. I didn't care how the woman would respond - I knew it would be an extraordinary thing for me to even try. She could slap me, and that would be wonderful. What was the worst that could possibly happen? Everyone who entered the club had been frisked for weapons, so I was confident I wouldn't be shot.
I walked around the dance floor, thinking to myself - "Who wants to play with me?"
Eventually, I spotted someone. A young woman in a green dress, somewhere in the 18-25 range, like almost everyone at this club. I thought she probably had been drinking, because she was dancing especially vibrantly. I had initially been targeting a more average-looking woman, thinking that it would be easier, but this girl was not average. She'd been wearing a lot of makeup, but like me, her face was dripping with sweat from dancing and jumping up and down on a dance floor packed with hundreds of people. Something about her sweat-smeared makeup was downright sexy. I became anxious as I realized how attractive she was, but no mere feeling was going to stop me.
I casually danced my way to a spot near her. I then danced behind her for a minute or so. I had managed to stay present and observe my surroundings to find a woman dancing alone. The only task remaining was to let go and follow my impulses.
This was it.
I put my right hand on her waist. She kept dancing, and might have taken a glance backwards at me. I kept my hand on her waist as we both continued to dance, but I felt as if she wasn't reciprocating. She in no way resisted, but she also didn't move her body back into mine, so I was unsure what the reaction meant.
I took my hand away.
Then, the guy dancing vibrantly next to her got my attention. The bass in the music was so loud that I could at times feel my insides vibrating, so exchanging words was not his method of communication. He made some gestures - pointing at himself, and pointing at the girl whose waist I'd just hand my hand on. I understood immediately that she was with him.
Whoa! It was the worst case scenario.
And it wasn't bad at all.
I mouthed a word or so, and made some hand gestures to apologize. It was all very natural. He nodded, and without using any sound, conveyed the phrase "No problem!"
I went back to dancing alone, more vibrantly than before. A big smile overtook my face, as I couldn't contain my joy at having done what seemed impossible only hours before.
And then, it dawned on me: I was building courage. Couragousness is the opposite of fearfulness, and deep down, it's fear that causes us to be inhibited. Just like Steve Pavlina suggested in the podcast I asked everyone to listen to, couragousness is a mental muscle that gets stronger the more we exercise it. I had tried interacting with women like this countless times before, but I couldn't do it because I hadn't built up my couragousness muscle enough. Before all of the mental exercise I did during the last year of the mission, the muscle was simply too weak, causing me to be too inhibited.
By now, I was feeling great, and I wanted more. I found another young lady, this one probably mid-20's to early 30's. I had spotted her early dancing with female friends, but now she was dancing alone. I repeated my newly created routine - casually danced my way to a spot near her, danced behind her for a minute or so, and put my right hand around her waist.
She didn't seem to glance back to look at me, but I got the feeling she knew who I was. She kept dancing, and I moved with her. After less than a minute, I put my left hand on her waist as well, so I was kind of guiding her with two hands. It was very arousing, and I realized I'd never touched a woman like this before.
The song had been dying down into some sort of techno sound that you can't really dance to. When it came to a halt, I took both hands off of her. Without looking back, she walked forward a bit to another spot on the floor before the beats in the music got going again. I got the feeling she was just being shy, but I didn't care to analyze. Wow! I had done it again! I saw her off the floor about an hour later, and she smiled. I was probably the only guy to make the bold, assertive move of putting my hands around her that night - or maybe ever - but again, I didn't care to analyze.
By now, it was apparent that I wasn't some unnoticed person blending into the crowd. Instead, people were initiating little interactions with me. When I accidentally stepped on one guy's feet while jumping up and down, I mouthed an apology, and he gestured a "No problem!" and gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder. When I used a napkin to wipe sweat from my brow, a passerby made a joke about dealing with the sweat. Another guy said something to me I couldn't completely make out, and I nodded at him and winked. Yet another time, an attractive girl took my shoulder so I could lead her down the stairs, then smiled and thanked me. These were all nice people, and boy, did I like them.
It was tough to find women dancing alone, but I was still overjoyed that inhibition had become a non-factor. I decided to try things out one more time in the hip-hop room, which had a quite different demographic of people.
I was feeling pretty loose. I was becoming a confident, uninhibited guy again, and I was going to dance and do whatever I pleased. I realized that everyone else in the building was either A) doing the same thing, or B) more inhibited than me. Finally, the cool crowd of clubbers had been demystified: they had nothing on me. Any woman there would have been lucky for me to dance with her, or even get her telephone number so I could arrange a date. I was the man.
Earlier that night, I had noticed a pretty wallflower checking me out as I walked through the hip-hop room. I hadn't broken eye contact, but it was before my breakthrough, so I had been too inhibited to say anything to her. When I re-entered the room to find one last dance partner (it was almost closing time at 3:00AM), I saw her again.
With the inhibition gone, I was finally going to speak to someone.
I said "Are you dancing?" It was pretty loud, so she asked me to repeat the question. Then she said no, and I just moved on. I was so confident that I really wasn't interested in bothering with some inhibited woman who I'd have to implore to dance with me. I wanted someone fun like me.
Beautiful irony.
I found two girls dancing with each other, and started my routine. As I danced near them, though, another guy came up and tried to dance with one of the girls. She made a gesture to decline. Feeling loose, I told the guy "Nice try." He nodded.
I moved on to a group nearby. As I stood behind and put my hand on one girl's waist, her friend standing opposite of her smiled. Hey - an awesome guy (that would be yours truly) was interested in her, so it was her lucky night! After I'd put both hands around her and moved with her a little more vibrantly, though, she turned around and made a gesture to decline. I didn't bother analyzing why, because I didn't (and still don't) care.
I spotted one last girl, who was dancing alone. I started dancing with her, but this time, she was facing me. That was actually a nice change: I got to see her face light up with a smile. After about a minute, a guy came over and cut in before I'd gotten around to touching her. It looked like he was with her, but I knew it didn't matter. He wasn't intimidating in the slightest, and I started to feel more aware of the fact that I'm a 6'1, athletic, good-looking guy. Confidence was brewing.
All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life. I put all the skills I've been developing into action in order to overcome inhibition when doing so was almost unimaginable.
The events of the night helped me put together much of my experience and research on defeating shyness. One day soon, I'll be able to provide this in some coherent form for the millions of other shy people who need to launch their own missions.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep finding exercises to that will build my courage, lessening my inhibition. With the discovery of the club scene, I now have access to hundreds of people my age, and countless opportunities to interact. It's actually so much fun that I'm not anxious or down about a lull with the dating, or about what's-her-name that I went out with last time. With inhibition truly on the ropes, the possibilities are endless.
Now that is something to look forward to.
Once again, nothing was going on with either of my dating sites, eHarmony or match.com. The situation was beginning to look frighteningly like the six-week lull that started last March, during which I managed to produce no dates and little else to further my goals. After my extraordinary breakthrough in overcoming inhibition, this was a terrible prospect. I knew that I needed to keep attacking the problem with all my might before it could regain any ground.
And so, I decided to do something on Saturday. Two of my friends were out of town, and the third one was recovering from surgery, so whatever I did, I would have to do it alone.
My first thought was to go out and talk to someone in public. I started thinking that after over a year on this mission, that's something I ought to be able to do. In fact, I should even be able to meet a young lady who I could later call for a date - the online dating stuff was originally envisioned as only a means to this end.
I planned to do it at the mall. I'd use a line from the great blog approachanxiety.com. "Hi. I was on my way to such and such, and just wanted to say Hi." She'd smile, and I'd say "I'm J." Something like that.
One problem: I've tried to do this many times before. Many, many times! I write a lot of stuff in the blog, but a lot of other, unmentioned stuff actually goes on as well. Since starting the mission, I've gone to the mall with the intention of trying this more times than I can count, and I've never managed to do it. The situation has rarely seemed right, and when it has been, quite frankly, I've chickened out.
But I decided that things were going to have to change. I've made so much progress against inhibition now that I should actually be able to do it.
That said, I realized that the mall is boring, and it may be a little more difficult to meet someone there, since people generally don't go to the mall to look for potential mates. What if I were to go to a nightclub instead? A year ago, that would have been unthinkable, but now I've reached the point that there's no holding back. I am admittedly obsessed with this mission of mine, and there is nothing that I won't do in my efforts to complete it.
Once I decided I was going, I was going. No if's, and's, or but's about it - there was no possibility of me talking myself out of it, because I wouldn't allow any thoughts along those lines.
As it turns out, the situation with the nightclub was perfectly analogous to my mall situation. In college, we had dance parties on campus with a similar environment (minus the alcohol), and I'd tried to go and interact just about every time. And every single time I tried, I failed. I was way too inhibited to even dance a little, let alone try to initiate a conversation with someone. But last night, I decided that things would have to be different.
As I waited in line outside the club, a short and very cute girl smiled at me. I was in the middle of thinking through something, so it caught me off-guard, and I responded with only a closed-mouth smile and looked away. Then she smiled again, and I returned a smile showing my teeth, causing her to smile some more. I knew that I should have spoken to her. It would have been easy! That was the sort of failed interaction I experienced all the other times I put myself into such situations. I realized the night was very young though, so instead of getting discouraged, I did a little strategizing.
Simple stuff, just like with the dating: Stay present, focusing on the outside world instead of your own thoughts. That opens up the door to being able to make observations, and allows you to feel impulses for what to do instead of having to think about it. Finally, just let go of any inhibitions and follow your impulses. (Interestingly, my acting instructor also stressed staying in the moment, making observations, following your impulses and letting go).
In my first two hours inside the club, it was starting to look like nothing had changed. I stood on the side of the Latin dance floor, feeling as if there were no possible way I could get involved. It looked like everyone dancing had a partner, and I had come out alone. Then I moved to the hip-hop dance floor, and that seemed even worse! I wasn't doing anything except walking and standing, and yet I was already feeling a little self-conscious.
There weren't many people dancing in the hip-hop room, so I felt extremely self-conscious at the thought of dancing alone in there. Then I walked upstairs to the roof, where the music was quiet, so it would be easy to to have a conversation. Easy to hear the other person, that is - not so easy for me to initiate a conversation! I couldn't seem to find someone who was alone, and talking to someone in a group didn't seem manageable. Two girls were standing next to me chatting casually, and I realized that they probably would have been happy to speak to me. Then I realized I had gotten away from my strategies - it had been a couple minutes before I even realized that I could have spoken to them. I'd been too busy thinking through things in my head instead of being present.
And so, there was one last dance floor remaining. This time, I went to the balcony of the room to observe and plan before making an appearance. It was a techno music room. Two or three hundred people on the dance floor under the strobe lights, often jumping up and down in excitement with the music.
I'd been in the club almost 2 hours, and had neither danced nor spoken to anyone. I thought about the prospect of leaving, with the night ending just like all of my other, pre-mission attempts.
I spent quite a bit of time on that balcony. I got to thinking - things can be different. There are hundreds of people down there, and people will hardly notice me if I go down and dance. I don't know about meeting anyone, but I can at least have fun! And I thought about the things that I'd done on the mission. I thought about the fact that I'd danced one day when I was out with my friend. How I'd been silly, and yelled "I love you!" at the band that was playing. And I thought about how I'd been completely uninhibited on my last date. The tide was turning, and it would not be reversed on this night.
I walked down to the dance floor, and started dancing - small movements, but dancing nonetheless. I had decided - F it. Yep - F it! No more holding back. I didn't have anything to lose.
As I made my way up the dance floor, I had an idea. I decided that, for the time being, I didn't want to stand out in any way, so I would imitate what other people were doing. When I noticed a group of people jumping up and down and throwing their hands in the air, I jumped up and down and threw my hands in the air. When I heard people yelling, I yelled. When I noticed a particular dance move that I liked, I simply started doing it. If I didn't want to stand out, I wouldn't, because I would intentionally act like everyone else. Goodbye and good riddance, self-consciousness.
Within minutes, a wondrous thing started to happen. I had stopped imitating, and was merely following my own impulses for what to do. I was doing my own dance moves. I was jumping in the air because I felt like it, not because anyone else was. I was raising my hands above my head and clapping to the beat, without seeing anyone else do it.
I looked to the side, and saw a guy nodding. I was starting to lead some of the dance floor excitement.
Inhibition was no longer an issue. I was having a ton of fun, but after a while, I decided that I wanted more. I was in the most social of places, and I wanted to interact directly with another person. I was also in the most sexual of places - where a few men and women make out, while many others eye each other shamelessly - so I particularly wanted to interact with a woman.
This was my second time at a nightclub. I recapped the first time, when I went with my one pre-mission friend, in my 3/22/2008 Lab Notes entry. In that post, I made this comment:
....I made a little goal of dancing with an attractive girl, but I didn't really manage to do it. I observed though, and learned that a guy can just slowly put his arms around a girl in that setting and she'll probably dance with him. It would be pretty amazing for me, "king of the shys" to do that, but it'll make for an interesting blog entry if I manage to pull it off the next time.
And so, I knew what I had to do. I put my dancing on auto-pilot, and started looking around the room. It was time to stay present and put that observation skill to work: I needed to find a girl who was alone. It seemed as if none of the ladies in the establishment were alone, so I at least needed to find a woman who wasn't with a guy.
My mind was set. I swore to myself that I was going to do this. I didn't care how the woman would respond - I knew it would be an extraordinary thing for me to even try. She could slap me, and that would be wonderful. What was the worst that could possibly happen? Everyone who entered the club had been frisked for weapons, so I was confident I wouldn't be shot.
I walked around the dance floor, thinking to myself - "Who wants to play with me?"
Eventually, I spotted someone. A young woman in a green dress, somewhere in the 18-25 range, like almost everyone at this club. I thought she probably had been drinking, because she was dancing especially vibrantly. I had initially been targeting a more average-looking woman, thinking that it would be easier, but this girl was not average. She'd been wearing a lot of makeup, but like me, her face was dripping with sweat from dancing and jumping up and down on a dance floor packed with hundreds of people. Something about her sweat-smeared makeup was downright sexy. I became anxious as I realized how attractive she was, but no mere feeling was going to stop me.
I casually danced my way to a spot near her. I then danced behind her for a minute or so. I had managed to stay present and observe my surroundings to find a woman dancing alone. The only task remaining was to let go and follow my impulses.
This was it.
I put my right hand on her waist. She kept dancing, and might have taken a glance backwards at me. I kept my hand on her waist as we both continued to dance, but I felt as if she wasn't reciprocating. She in no way resisted, but she also didn't move her body back into mine, so I was unsure what the reaction meant.
I took my hand away.
Then, the guy dancing vibrantly next to her got my attention. The bass in the music was so loud that I could at times feel my insides vibrating, so exchanging words was not his method of communication. He made some gestures - pointing at himself, and pointing at the girl whose waist I'd just hand my hand on. I understood immediately that she was with him.
Whoa! It was the worst case scenario.
And it wasn't bad at all.
I mouthed a word or so, and made some hand gestures to apologize. It was all very natural. He nodded, and without using any sound, conveyed the phrase "No problem!"
I went back to dancing alone, more vibrantly than before. A big smile overtook my face, as I couldn't contain my joy at having done what seemed impossible only hours before.
And then, it dawned on me: I was building courage. Couragousness is the opposite of fearfulness, and deep down, it's fear that causes us to be inhibited. Just like Steve Pavlina suggested in the podcast I asked everyone to listen to, couragousness is a mental muscle that gets stronger the more we exercise it. I had tried interacting with women like this countless times before, but I couldn't do it because I hadn't built up my couragousness muscle enough. Before all of the mental exercise I did during the last year of the mission, the muscle was simply too weak, causing me to be too inhibited.
By now, I was feeling great, and I wanted more. I found another young lady, this one probably mid-20's to early 30's. I had spotted her early dancing with female friends, but now she was dancing alone. I repeated my newly created routine - casually danced my way to a spot near her, danced behind her for a minute or so, and put my right hand around her waist.
She didn't seem to glance back to look at me, but I got the feeling she knew who I was. She kept dancing, and I moved with her. After less than a minute, I put my left hand on her waist as well, so I was kind of guiding her with two hands. It was very arousing, and I realized I'd never touched a woman like this before.
The song had been dying down into some sort of techno sound that you can't really dance to. When it came to a halt, I took both hands off of her. Without looking back, she walked forward a bit to another spot on the floor before the beats in the music got going again. I got the feeling she was just being shy, but I didn't care to analyze. Wow! I had done it again! I saw her off the floor about an hour later, and she smiled. I was probably the only guy to make the bold, assertive move of putting my hands around her that night - or maybe ever - but again, I didn't care to analyze.
By now, it was apparent that I wasn't some unnoticed person blending into the crowd. Instead, people were initiating little interactions with me. When I accidentally stepped on one guy's feet while jumping up and down, I mouthed an apology, and he gestured a "No problem!" and gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder. When I used a napkin to wipe sweat from my brow, a passerby made a joke about dealing with the sweat. Another guy said something to me I couldn't completely make out, and I nodded at him and winked. Yet another time, an attractive girl took my shoulder so I could lead her down the stairs, then smiled and thanked me. These were all nice people, and boy, did I like them.
It was tough to find women dancing alone, but I was still overjoyed that inhibition had become a non-factor. I decided to try things out one more time in the hip-hop room, which had a quite different demographic of people.
I was feeling pretty loose. I was becoming a confident, uninhibited guy again, and I was going to dance and do whatever I pleased. I realized that everyone else in the building was either A) doing the same thing, or B) more inhibited than me. Finally, the cool crowd of clubbers had been demystified: they had nothing on me. Any woman there would have been lucky for me to dance with her, or even get her telephone number so I could arrange a date. I was the man.
Earlier that night, I had noticed a pretty wallflower checking me out as I walked through the hip-hop room. I hadn't broken eye contact, but it was before my breakthrough, so I had been too inhibited to say anything to her. When I re-entered the room to find one last dance partner (it was almost closing time at 3:00AM), I saw her again.
With the inhibition gone, I was finally going to speak to someone.
I said "Are you dancing?" It was pretty loud, so she asked me to repeat the question. Then she said no, and I just moved on. I was so confident that I really wasn't interested in bothering with some inhibited woman who I'd have to implore to dance with me. I wanted someone fun like me.
Beautiful irony.
I found two girls dancing with each other, and started my routine. As I danced near them, though, another guy came up and tried to dance with one of the girls. She made a gesture to decline. Feeling loose, I told the guy "Nice try." He nodded.
I moved on to a group nearby. As I stood behind and put my hand on one girl's waist, her friend standing opposite of her smiled. Hey - an awesome guy (that would be yours truly) was interested in her, so it was her lucky night! After I'd put both hands around her and moved with her a little more vibrantly, though, she turned around and made a gesture to decline. I didn't bother analyzing why, because I didn't (and still don't) care.
I spotted one last girl, who was dancing alone. I started dancing with her, but this time, she was facing me. That was actually a nice change: I got to see her face light up with a smile. After about a minute, a guy came over and cut in before I'd gotten around to touching her. It looked like he was with her, but I knew it didn't matter. He wasn't intimidating in the slightest, and I started to feel more aware of the fact that I'm a 6'1, athletic, good-looking guy. Confidence was brewing.
All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life. I put all the skills I've been developing into action in order to overcome inhibition when doing so was almost unimaginable.
The events of the night helped me put together much of my experience and research on defeating shyness. One day soon, I'll be able to provide this in some coherent form for the millions of other shy people who need to launch their own missions.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep finding exercises to that will build my courage, lessening my inhibition. With the discovery of the club scene, I now have access to hundreds of people my age, and countless opportunities to interact. It's actually so much fun that I'm not anxious or down about a lull with the dating, or about what's-her-name that I went out with last time. With inhibition truly on the ropes, the possibilities are endless.
Now that is something to look forward to.
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