Laboratory World

I'm entirely fascinated by this mission of mine. I'm experiencing things that I only imagined before....and it's amazing.

It's amazing, because it's all about people. Nothing in the world is more interesting.

In my days of social isolation, I always had this one crazy idea. I thought it would be incredible if somehow there were a laboratory world of sorts. A laboratory world where you could try interacting with people without having any fear of the consequences. A world with an undo button.

I came to realize that my mission provides me with a sort of laboratory world. I go on so many dates that you have to think: How important could any single one of them be? If I tried something crazy, what negative consequence could possibly result? None of these connections has worked out so far anyway, so why not have fun with them, throw caution to the wind, and learn something?

As I lay in bed last night, I got the idea that I was going to do something crazy. Something in particular.

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned a girl who I had a tentative second-date planned with, but who left me hanging instead of getting back to me with an exact time. A couple days after that, I busted her via text message.

"Why didn't you bother to text me back at all? you know, I was keeping Saturday open for you."
"I'm so sorry! I ended up staying with my cousin... I owe you!"

"Baby, you could have easily told me that before. What should I think?"
"That I was an inconsiderate butt head?"

"Yup, and now next time you're gonna have to break gender roles and do the asking-out. goodnight"
"I don't believe in gender roles....Goodnight"

Now, there are two points here. The first is that I would have been way too inhibited to say that over the phone or in person, instead of in text. The second thing is that I had thought about just telling her to have a nice life, but I decided at the last second not to blow her off.

I decided not to blow her off because I figured I could at least experiment like that. I could have a little fun with it. And I also didn't blow her off because there was something unique about this girl. She had a blog, not completely unlike this one, where she gave insight into what was going on in her heart and mind. She'd linked this blog in her e-mail signature, perfectly willing to share it, even with someone (i.e., me) that she was going to meet for a blind date. And immediately after that date, she told me that I was "clearly a great guy." This girl was completely transparent. Unlike anyone I'd ever met.

She was so unique that I found myself thinking about her, even after my fourth date with another girl, when that connection was at its peak.

But she never did take her then-mandatory turn to ask me out. So last night, the particular crazy idea was that I wouldn't let this end silently. I would be transparent just like her, and tell her exactly how I felt about her.

As I prepared to text the message, I had second thoughts. It was too deep. Too revealing. But it was a text message, so I could force myself to push the send button, and then go hide.

"Hey Ash. Since it looks like we won't be hanging out, I want to confess something... I think you're really special."

The stuff of a lab world. How she would react, I had no idea. Even in the comfort of my own bedroom, I was so embarrassed that I turned my ringer on silent and buried my head in a pillow.

Eventually, I mustered the courage to take a peek at my phone. I had 1 new text message.

"Thanks... I felt that way about you too just didn't think we were a good match. I'd love to be friends if you're up for that?"

Ahh! Interesting - she had "friended" me, but I didn't find it upsetting at all. I was completely unphased. In actuality, I wasn't sure how good of a match we were, either. My interest in her had grown a lot since we met, with her sending me that "great guy" text message, and with me reading her soulful blog entries. I don't know if she likes many of the things that I do, or if we're in any way each other's "type," but I was drawn to her because of her unique honesty. Drawn to her, because I felt she was somehow a kindred spirit. I wanted to be with her so that I could take away her pain. I wanted her to be with me, so that she could take away mine.

I texted back one word: "Sure"

Then I thought about it a bit. Could I actually be friends with her? The "friends speech" is something that's usually administered as a polite way to end an association with someone after dating. Rarely does anyone actually make a friend that way. But this girl was different, and I thought she really meant what she said.

I thought a little more. There is't much I wouldn't do to have a few more friends....even one. But would it be awkward seeing her after my little experiment with transparency? Perhaps, but March is about trying harder, so it was worth the risk. In fact, there isn't anything to lose.

15 minutes later, I decided I should text her again. I could say anything to this girl - at least over text messages.

"Wait, I mean, that would be great. I wasn't merely trying to be polite, hope you weren't either...haha"

"Of course not... I didn't have to reply. Let's try & do something next weekend."

Pretty interesting. If I hadn't had the guts to use my life as an experiment, I probably wouldn't have ever heard from her again, let alone had the chance to become friends with her.

That last part remains to be seen. I'm going to meet up with her again, and hope it's not awkward. I'm not carrying a torch for this girl any more than she is for me, so I hope she doesn't think as much. After all, I began to feel most of my affection for her after reading her blog. She felt it for me only after a date on which I was more "off" than usual, stuttering with simple words and sentences. Odd.

I'll continue to use the world as my laboratory, and give it a try.

A Possible Beginning

I didn't get much sleep this week. When I started this mission over the summer, I didn't have a job, so I had all the time in the world to go on dates. Finding time was a piece of cake. Now, not so much - I get home from work at 6, and have to get up early in the morning. But I was determined to keep making progress, so yesterday I went out on my second weekday date in three nights.

I was meeting another girl from eHarmony. I only go out with girls I'm convinced there's potential with now, and they are few and far between on that site.

I had spoken to her on the phone for five minutes to set up the Starbucks meeting. I was pretty close to perfect on the phone. I decided to try what I did on the last date that had gone so well. I was going to try to be confident, and have fun with it. These blind dates are always interesting....something you should try.

And this one had a particularly interesting start. We were supposed to meet up at 8:07 at Starbucks. She sent me a text at 7:39 saying she was on her way, in case I was worried. I responded without inhibition, just as I'd communicated before my last date.

"Why would I be worried? There's no way you could pass up the chance to meet me, babe."

And then I found myself sitting at Starbucks. I looked at my watch. It was 8:30.

I called her.
No answer.

Wow. Was my perfect streak of never being stood up in about 15 Starbucks dates finally ending? Had I actually offended her with my little confidence joke?!?!

So I tried texting her; I told her I was just joking.

She texted me back. Whew! She said she was already there, and hoped she was in the right place. It turned out there was another Starbucks across the parking lot, in plain sight. Oops!
I had been getting nervous, but I immediately called her again, and felt good once I heard her voice. She was a nice, sweet girl, and wasn't standing me up to prove a point. So much for perception.

We worked it out; she drove over to my Starbucks, and then we drove back to hers at 9:00 when they kicked us out. I was pretty comfortable. Not quite as much as last time, but after a few moments with her, I was mostly free of anxiety and nervousness. I was myself!

She was great. She was one of those surprisingly-rare girls who took an interest and asked me questions. She was really just like me, pulling out nice conversation topics and being interested in what I had to say. The only difference was that she is like I eventually want to be - smooth, and natural.

And so I hadn't had time to prepare a mental list of topics, and I didn't need it. Between the two of us making an effort, it was easy to come up with plenty to talk about. We talked about all kinds of things, even politics, and found we had little things in common as well as bigger ones. Believe it or not, she randomly brought up a topic from my list: "favorite color." I told her that that yellow was a better color than pink, and somehow, the colors topic turned out to be significant. She transitioned it to other things, like clothing, remarkably using the same skill that I've been trying to master since I started this blog.

We chatted until I said we'd better go home and get ready for work in the morning.

(A side note: our e-mail conversation was completely different. Mostly, she had just asked me questions about my relationships with women...ha!....and she had wanted to know things like if I had ever cheated on a partner. This went on for several days, until I finally just told her I had never even had sex with anyone, and was the exact opposite of the jerks she'd dated before).

She said she'd text me when she got home safely (her idea), and she did. She said, "Thanks for the night and the drink!" Even before that, I'd had the impression that it was definitely a good date. For the second time in three nights, I came out of a date feeling that I didn't have to wonder about whether or not there would be another.

A Definite Ending

On March 6, something that began on December 2 ended. Yep. After three months, my connection with the girl who prompted both elated and dejected blog entries came to an end.

I sent her one last text. I said she hadn't answered my previous one, and asked if I should make other plans. After she didn't respond in five or six hours, I decided to end it. She'd caused me too much grief; I couldn't hold on to hope any longer, possibilities or not. I had saved every text message she'd sent me - there were many, and I deleted them all. Then I deleted her number from my cell phone; I didn't want to be reminded, let alone tempted. And I erased her e-mails from GMail, even clearing them permanently from the trash.

As I sat reflecting on it all, she texted me back. She said sorry she didn't respond, but she had to see what her weekend was going to look like. She was going to work most of the weekend, so she guessed I should make some plans.

This time, I didn't spend much time analyzing what she was probably thinking. There were too many problems. She'd left me hanging needlessly twice before - once even before we'd met. She hardly asked me any questions when we were together. How could I mention my career, best friend, and seeing my favorite band without her asking a single question about any of it? And I'd never seen her two weeks in a row. If she couldn't find an hour or two so she could see me twice in two weeks (or at least return my calls, or suggest an alternate time), then she clearly wasn't interested enough, whether she came out and said it or not.

Despite my efforts, I always have a pathetic time dealing with uncertainty about these things, so I didn't want to leave the door ajar. Not even a little. So I replied. "Actually, I had already deleted your number. Good luck."

And so it ended.

The truth of the matter is that I should have stopped seeing this person after our second date. There were plenty of signs that it wasn't likely to last. But the other half of the story is what you already know: I actually needed the practice, so it was worth it. The only mistake was getting emotionally involved, but it's hard to avoid that when you're coming from where I started.

I gained a lot from the experience. By dating someone who did some things right and other things wrong, I learned what to eventually look for in a relationship, and I learned the signs that it's not going to work. I gained an understanding of what those (lucky) normal people who have relationships go through when one ends. Even though this girl ended up driving me crazy, to the point that I didn't even like her by the time I said my final goodbye, I still felt a little sad about it. There's just something about seeing the end of a connection with someone you shared hope and experiences with....this after a mere three months and four dates, so I can only imagine what it's like to end a serious relationship.

All of this may sound bleak, but it's not - at least, not entirely. My work is paying off! Considering I was 23 years old and had never even been on one date, it's amazing to have anything remotely resembling a break-up to tell you about.

March: Trying Harder

February was a slow month. It was a slightly shorter month, sure, but that's no excuse for only having a measley two experiences to discuss.

This month, I am going to make up for it.

I'm off to a fast start. I went on another first-date (#23 overall) yesterday, and it was virtually perfect. Far and away the best first-date I've been on. As usual, I felt a bit of anxiety in the minutes leading up to it, but so little that I deem it "normal-person stuff." After talking amorously to someone online for over a week, who wouldn't feel a little something before finally meeting them? I saw her looking out of the window of the Starbucks of Barnes & Noble, and I simply began to take the seat next to her, smiled, and said hey.

Things got off to a good start. I stayed calmer than usual, focusing outwardly instead of reacting to little things in my mind. Somehow, we got into something resembling an actual conversation while waited and ordered - usually, that's the awkward part. She asked me how my day at work was (my usual line!), and then something about my favorite basketball team. I answered calmly. Humorously. Comfortably..... this time, I was myself.

We took a seat, and nothing changed. The conversation moved naturally from one topic to another. I never had to search the list of topics in my mind. I'd even written a few things down beforehand, but I didn't have to try to remember them. It helped having prepared, though, because things she said triggered a few topics I had planned, and I asked her questions about them effortlessly.

This was one of the rare times when my date actually asked a good number of questions about me - it was nothing like usual, with me going through a list of questions and just listening. My voice was perfect. It took me no effort to think of what to say. I made jokes. I teased her. I was confident:

Her: "So what about you?"
Me: "What about me? ...I'm awesome....but you already knew that...."
Me: "You had a lot of questions before. What was with the flurry of questions the last few days?"
(Her girlfriends had made a list of questions to use in screening me. This led to a discussion of "deal-breakers" in dating)

Ccontrast that with the October date where I froze when asked, "tell me about yourself."

I can't stress it enough - I was completely myself. There were changes in my tone of voice, facial expressions, and other little things that were missing on all of the dates where I was nervous or tense. It was a lot like the way my interaction went with that one friend I've made since July.

I was aiming for 45 minutes, but she kept talking, trying to think of things to ask me. She even asked what I was doing the rest of the week, and told me all about what she had planned, even though it was nothing special (probably good signs here). I finally cut out after an hour and a half. I made one final joke about her bad driving, and she said "Have a safe drive home, and I'll talk to you later?" That question-format has been a bad omen in the past, but I felt sure that it was positive this time. I said "Alright, see ya" and that was it.

So, it was good. So good, in fact, that we should definitely try to figure out anything that I was doing differently this time.

1. I stayed calm at the beginning and focused externally.

2. I was completely unreserved when talking to her online beforehand. For example, she asked if I had ever been married, and I e-mailed her: "You'll be my first and last, baby, if you manage to play all your cards right." She responded positively, so I went into our first meeting determined to be just as confident in person, and to just have fun with this, since nothing else has gotten me very far anyway. (Side note - being uninhibited online and especially in person is A LOT of fun)

3. She asked me plenty of questions....things about my interests that I could actually answer easily. Not an improvement to be attributed to me, but maybe it just goes to show that it helps to be with the right person.

That's about it. I'm determined to try harder than I have been, so I'm going on yet another first-date tomorrow night.

In case anyone's wondering about the subject of my previous bleak post....today I decided I would either erase her phone number, texts, and e-mails - to put her completely behind me - or instead, try for a Hail Mary: one last text, just in case she wasn't really out of this. I texted, "What's up, babe? staying well?" and she sent an enthusiastic-looking response a few minutes later. I texted again, asking if she wanted to do something this weekend. I told her that if so, it was her turn to choose the day, time, and activity. 6 hours later, and no response....but we'll see.

Combined with having dated other girls, the whole fiasco with her apparently ignoring my calls made me realize that I should probably only be pursuing someone who's going to ask questions about me. How simple! I've also never seen her (or anyone else) two weeks in a row. I would love to date someone consistently. That'd be awesome in and of itself, but it would also give me the type of consistent social practice that could get me to the finish line by the one year anniversary of the blog.

Crushed

This must be one of the most bipolar blogs on the Internet.

Since I've gotten things going, most of the posts have either been about A) one of the best times of my entire life, or B) one of the most miserable times of my entire life.

What's the deal, you ask? Well, I think it's just the nature of the beast. I'm on a quest to turn my life around, and attain all of the things I've been missing out on. Undeniably, friends and love - the ultimate human connection - are at the top of that list.

It's no surprise, then, that when I come close to finding such things after over a decade of yearning, I become as elated as one can be.

And when I lose those great possibilities.......I am crushed.

Today is another one of those days. I've been through it before, but this time is the worst. I thought the fourth-date I talked about in the last post was great. In fact, I edited my match.com profile to say that I was only interested in friends, because I thought that, for once, I didn't have to wonder whether I would see my companion again.

Well, it looks like I was wrong. I called her a couple times this week - no response. Unlike before, she didn't text or call me back. I've jumped to conclusions before, but this one looks really bad. It's a major disappointment (an understatement), because this time was different: for the first time, I'd been going out with someone I was mostly myself with. I was confident and relaxed, and everything seemed virtually flawless. My luck had finally changed! And I felt like she was lucky to have me as well.

It's hard to describe the feeling. I know almost everyone experiences some sort of romantic loss. I thought I could handle it better than most, but somehow, it just seems harder for me. Harder, because I've waited so long for something like this. Harder, because I can't stand the thought of starting over after it took over 2 months to get to this point with one person. Harder, because I put so much time, money, and energy into what I hoped to one day call my first relationship.

And so, here I am again. I still have the one friend I've made since I started in July, but other than that, I've only gained new experiences: nothing else has lasted very long.

I like to use the blog to vent. Right now, my goal is to somehow cease all of my rumination, where I try hopelessly to figure out what went wrong and what I could have done differently; where I think about how much I liked the girl, and yet do the opposite as well, trying to convince myself that the ending was for the best.

Of course, I'll look like a fool for writing this if it turns out I just jumped to conclusions again. But regardless of what happens, I will carry on, putting my heart and soul into completing the mission by July 9.

Mind Over Matter

Disclaimer:
This isn't just a blog about my dating life, but until I figure out how to try to make some more friends....

How worthwhile is this grand mission on which I have embarked? Consider this: I started out with practically nothing seven months ago. Since then, I've written blog entries entitled "The Best Night of My Life" and "The Greatest Night of My Life." This one could be given a similar name, but I won't bother. The way things are going, I would soon run out of adjectives to describe these nights.

Now, as anyone who's read this blog knows, it hasn't been easy for me to achieve any of the improvement I've made. This week was no exception. On Monday, I started to feel ill; I was coming down with one of the colds that was going around the office. Within hours, I started pumping myself full of Zicam and Airborne. I had a Starbucks first-date set for Tuesday, and I wasn't about to cancel it.

Those products help reduce the severity of cold symptoms, so I pulled myself together well enough for the Starbucks date. Somehow, though, things took a turn for the worse. It was a blind date, with a girl I'd met on eHarmony. I've done so many of these things that I thought there was no way I'd ever again fail to make it to a second-date: I had this down, right?

Nope. This time, I was nervous. Not very anxious....but nervous. I wasn't myself at all! I stumbled trying to answer questions as basic as, "Do you like movies?" I don't know what it was. Possibly some combination of the slight cold, the waiting I'd done since my date was a little late, and...the girl herself. It was a surprise - I was expecting an average girl, but I'd ended up on a date with one who was incredible. Incredible to the extent that I had the perhaps-fatal thought that I could marry her. Yikes.

She was another carless city girl, so I offered to take her home like the last girl. She accepted - a good sign. She had to finish a grad school paper before midnight, and close to 8:00, she kept chatting with me even after I told her I'd let her go. As I drove her home, I attempted to stay in keeping with my usual - making humorous comments, kidding around. But somehow, I was too nervous! A few minutes before we got to her house, I failed miserably trying to get out a very basic sentence. At that point, I knew it was over.

She said "Well thanks for hanging out with me tonight, and maybe I'll see you later.....?"

Yeah. She actually put the emphasis on the word "maybe" like that! And that was the end of that.

And so, I trudged on, relatively unphased. After all - I'd had an apparently wildly successful first-date two days prior, so this was just an anomaly. I continued to pump myself full of Zicam and Airborne. I needed to be healthy by the weekend! The fact of the matter was that I was dating two girls who were only available on weekends. If I didn't see them this weekend, it would be at least a whopping five weeks between dates with one of them, and three weeks with the other.

I broke my own rule and used a text message to set one of the dates for Saturday. My new acquaintance responded immediately. She had something else to do, but she seemed determined to go out with me anyway. She had to let me know the time later, but she followed her own text and reassured me that she was going. In turn, I told her that I'd leave Saturday open.

Well, I kept it open for nothing. She never got back to me. It made no sense at all, so I wondered if something had happened to her. She also has a blog (this could have been a match made in Heaven!), so I checked it. Sure enough, she had a new entry - something about rejection from men. That means either A) she's a total flake and tied up my Saturday when she could have just declined or B) there was some type of breakdown, with her sending a text that never reached my phone. It's almost surely case A, but just to be sure, I sent her another message a couple hours ago. I really want to blast her for wasting my time like that, so I'll e-mail her or post on her blog if she ignores me.

:-)

Now, it's really only the principle that bothers me about that last girl. The truth of the matter is that there was something much bigger in store for Sunday, and Saturday's broken date was probably for the best.

I was fighting the cold with all my might. I didn't know if there was anything to the saying "mind over matter," but I was certainly going to give it a try on Sunday. I'd somewhat lost my voice, but I was good enough to go.

Finally, it was time for my fourth date with the one girl with whom I've been almost completely comfortable. I told her we'd celebrate a late Valentine's Day, and we did. It was amazing for me. Back in college, when I'd never even been on a date, I'd have big hopes every February of having a date for Valentine's Day. Big hopes every year, but they went nowhere. I never even managed to have a brief conversation with a girl I was interested in back then, let alone go out on a date with her.

I took a hint from an eHarmony commercial, and had two dozen roses waiting for my date in the front seat. Sweet. She went to put them in water, and then we were off to a fondue restaurant, with a plan for bowling afterwards.

We'd only spoken for a few minutes in the last month, but things were just like before. I was myself with her, and she seemed the same - a completely different person than on our first date, when she was much shyer than even me.

I was as confident as ever. I effortlessly handled things like stopping a waiter to correct my date's order. We were having a lot of fun, trying to cook our own food and getting burned by hot oil. It was a great idea on my part; the activity-based dinner was great conversation fodder. As always, I found myself asking a lot of questions...a whole lot. It would have helped if she'd asked me more. She probably only asked me a few of her own, plus some reciprocal questions based on mine. It's an odd thing. Most of the dates I've been out with have been like that. Asking me questions is one thing the two girls that inspired thoughts of the "m" (marry) word had in common....but enough about that. I like this girl anyway.

And she likes me. Dinner and the commute took over 3 hours, so it was too late to go bowling afterwards. She openly referenced doing it another time, and she'd been laughing at my barrage (slight exaggeration) of jokes all night, so I knew everything was good. She said she'd had fun again, and thanked me for everything. She repeated that while we stood outside her home. When she finally stopped talking, I took a step forward, put my right hand on her waist, and we kissed goodnight.

Still Alive: 21st Date = Wow!

Yep, it's been a whopping 18 days since I've posted. When you see this blog go silent like that, fear not, my friends, for I will never give up on this great mission of mine.

Why the silence? I haven't been doing much of anything. The girl I've been seeing (the one I went on three dates with) actually caught pneumonia the day before the would-be fourth date I set up with her. Amazingly, next Sunday will mark 2 full months since our first date. It looks like we're still seeing each other, but we've only been able to manage 3 dates in that time.

So I said something in my last post about not going on anymore blind dates from eHarmony/match.com. I take it all back....

With the lull in the action, I figured, why not? I need all the practice I can possibly get, so why give that up? Sure, I'll try to move on to other ways of meeting people...but I can do both. I have a goal of completing this mission, from start to finish, in a single year. That means I have until July 9, 2008 to have gone from Zero to Hero. There's a long way to go, perhaps, so I knew there was no time to waste passing up opportunities just on principle.

And boy, did an opportunity come my way last Monday. There was a girl on eHarmony, who in her profile pictures looked like a model. We'd both written something meaningful and deep in our guided communication responses on eHarmony - she'd told me that mine were beautiful and heartfelt, and she loved reading them. We exchanged e-mail one time after that, and then she disappeared completely.

And then, I checked my e-mail on Monday. . She wanted to know if I was still single, and if so, if I was interested in getting to know each other. Ahhh! Yep, it was three days before Valentine's Day. This girl was single, and I was an opportunity she'd passed up over three months ago.

I jokingly gave her a bit of a hard time about the 3 month gap in my response, and that set the tone for what was to come. We e-mailed back and forth for a couple days, and I made jokes or made light fun of her whenever I had the chance. We were having a good time (over e-mail and texts, mind you) . On Valentine's Day I was at the gym, and she texted me "You'd better get those muscles big, because I like strong men!" And my response was "You'd better get your beauty sleep, because I like beautiful women!" It was a funny comeback, and it allowed me to continue preventing anyone from feeling like we were somehow on different levels, even though I thought she looked like a model online.

Our Starbucks date was set for this afternoon. The plan? 45 minutes, as always. I didn't want to sit down at blogger afterwards and write the usual "it was more of the same" description of the date. I knew I was still probably going to get to see the other girl again (I've called and sent her texts to check on her, and she's responded positively), so in a way, it didn't matter how well things worked out with this new girl. So I was going to try something different. Instead of going through the usual conversation topics, I kept in mind things we could talk about based on our fun little text communications before. I was going to try to continue to be confident and funny. I was even planning to give her a palm reading - no risk, no reward.

I tried to figure out how to think about this upcoming date in a way that would minimize or eliminate my anxiety. I started coming up with theories. I may be making progress, but I don't have a clear strategy to present yet.

At some point though, I started thinking....I said I was on the brink before that last third-date. I'd gotten further than ever before. Nothing had changed: I was in the best shape of my life with this social stuff. So maybe today was a test to see if I really had turned the corner. I didn't even call the last three girls I went on first dates with. For all I know, those dates could have gone just as well as any.

Back to today. We met up at Starbucks in the Chinatown of her city. The place was absolutely jam packed. Not a single place to sit. I was prepared this time (unlike in one of the first date entries you'll find in this blog), and had a decisive plan. I told her we would talk a walk, and find someplace else.

The second Starbucks we walked to was just as full, so we ended up in a tapas restaurant. This was good, except for the fact that I make the first-dates Starbucks dates for a reason. I figure the longer the date, the better the chances of me screwing something up! I'd done restaurants twice before, and neither worked out.

But this was different. I've made a ton of progress since I started this gig. A light dinner and drinks on a blind date - not a problem.

I wasn't doing perfectly. My voice was a little off, as usual. I inexplicably failed to pronounce the word "environmentalist," precisely like I blew the word "hospitality" on my first succesful date in August. I didn't feel anxious at all (I almost never do once I've met the person), but there must have been some kind of subconscious nervousness or something to cause that. Nonetheless, I was able to continue some of my confidence and humor. We did end up talking about some of the usual stuff - school, siblings, where she's from , and what not - but I got plenty of the other stuff in as well.

The best part of the date came when I asked her about politics. I know what people say, but things like politics are amazingly great topics for me. The couple times when I've been 100% relaxed and engaged, conversing fluently, it's been when I was debating something, or at least when I've had plenty to say about the matter.

I'd been gradually beginning to feel more comfortable (the clock might have run out on me if we had just been at Starbucks!), so I went for it. I'd been asking her about keeping skeletons out of her closet for future presidential ambitions, and I turned the topic to Obama's drug usage. We were both on the edge of our seats, discussing...cocaine :) It was fun, and interesting, and we were physically closer together making good eye contact.

I let the arrival of the receipt determine the time the date would end. She'd taken public transportation to get there, so I offered to drive her home. She said said it wasn't necessary, but I asked her if she was sure.....lo and behold, she accepted! I'd met another public transportation girl in the city back in August, and she'd declined the ride home. After that, she (date #2) ignored my phone call and e-mail - so I figured accepting the ride was a good sign.

She wanted to stop at a store before we went to my car, so she was in no hurry to get away from me.

With my social driving anxiety completely annihilated by previous efforts, it went off without a hitch. I kept asking questions, beckoning her to sing for me, and generally being fun. When we reached her place, I insisted on walking her to her door. Finally: mastery of the basics!

She was going to invite me in to see her dog (probably another good sign!), but the dog was upstairs and her roommate was sitting in the living room. She hugged me. The final word? "Thanks for driving. I'll see you later dear."

Yep, that was a new one. But on the way I home, I figured it doesn't mean much of anything - you can never tell. I thought about how the other girl I'm (hopefully) still seeing had sent me a text less than an hour after our date. Would this girl even send me a follow-up at all? If not, I was going to probably ask her out again anyway, because it had ended up going pretty well. As for the slight voice thing, the blown word, and other little problems - I told myself, "Nobody's perfect." It was a good date.

A couple minutes after I got home.....beep beep beep! An incoming text message.

Could it be? Could this girl like me enough to text me like the other girl? Something that I thought was rare and amazing?

"Thank you for dinner & the ride home James... you are clearly a great guy."

WOW! That made my day, and more. What more could I possibly ask for?

And so, I've given myself something like 4 more months and 3 more weeks to finish this thing off. Complete the mission. Become consistently comfortable and able to be myself in across-the-board social situations.

There was a minor setback in that the last friend I thought I'd made didn't respond to my texts or contact me after our first meeting. But I'm fine with that, because I was able to be myself with her, and that's all I care about.

I've come a long, long way, but the mission is a challenge. An enormous challenge.

It's how we manage challenges that determines the quality of our lives.